Once again I'm trying to get myself on a healing schedule - but it isn't the easiest task for me. I seem to be on a flipped schedule - so I rest during the day and am wide awake at night! This may be in part from the steroids but I'm sure at least some of it is due to sleeping during the day rather than staying awake and sleeping at night. I'm even taking the last steroid at 2:00 PM rather than any later so I can sleep at night, but I think even that isn't helping as much as it should since I'm sleeping during the day! Maybe I will be able to stay awake tomorrow - although I don't want to ignore my fatigue - so it has become a bit of a catch 22 - I'm not sure how exactly I plan to handle this, but tomorrow is another day so I have plenty of time to figure it out!
Monday I meet with my Oncologist and find out if he wants to run the chemo concerent with the radiation treatments or wait to start it until they are complete. I'm rather hoping he starts the chemo fairly soon - and I can't recall how often he said I would be getting chemo. I'm sure he told me, but I have no idea at this point what he said. The brain is a terrible thing to lose! In my case it may not be such a bad thing, it is forcing me to slow down and really look at what I'm doing & thinking - I probably should have been forced to do this years ago! I have stayed busy with all sorts of activities in order to keep from facing or dealing with the problems at hand! I've made a career out of avoidance - and done it quite well I might add - now is the time to face the music!
Tomorrow, assuming the Weather Channel is incorrect or at least changes their predicition, I hope we can go someplace different and enjoy the afternoon, we'll see what the weather is like! We're going to get a printer for up here too, apparently all sorts of places have rather cheap printers and they nail you with the cost of the ink! So we'll check that one out and look for his walking finger (toe) shoes - not to mention I want to start a self portrait - I feel like somehow, for some reason I need to document this, because I really don't believe cancer is going to kill me. We're all going to die, me included, but something else is going to be the way I go, this is more of a growth opportunity for me. A path which is showing me what's really important in life and what to let go of. So I will simply have to wait until time & God choose to show me what I need to know. They say patience is a virtue - definately one I need to cultivate because at the moment it isn't one of my strong suits! Oh well, another flaw which makes me human - damn I wanted to be perfect! Just kidding, that's the old Valerie, the new one is much more forgiving and a lot less hard & demanding of herself! Pretty cool way to be if you really look at it honestly! Well, anyway, I'm once again ready to fall asleep - so I will say sweet dreams & good night to all of you and I will see you tomorrow!
March 5, 2011
Late at Night Seems to be Best for Me
I'm going to miss my sister when she leaves in the morning, but I'm looking forward to seeing my husband when he arrives - so it's sort of a Catch 22 for me! I saw the most beautiful woman at the Clinic the other day, she must have been in her later 30s and had no hair but she had not only an incredible head but beautiful face as well, unbelievable! She was with her husband and was apparently getting chemo for something. I'm surprised how painless & quick radiation goes - although everyone says I won't see any side effects until probably the end of the second week or beginning of third, so by that time I should be almost through! I'm really enjoying my support groups, the weekly Tuesday evening one at The Gathering Place is awesome and I finally made it to the monthly breast cancer support group on Mondays which I throughly enjoyed. I'm surprised I didn't take part in these before, but I think it was a combination of not being ready and I'm not sure we really have support groups like this available in South Florida. I may have to start my own!
I saw a really cool portrait at Dewey's Coffee Shop in Shaker Square yesterday. I've decided to do a self-portrait in that style. I will probably do it directly on the coated board I bought at Michael's rather than doing it on paper the way the original was done. I should have taken a picture of it, my memory isn't what it use to be at the moment. Plus I need to find a photograph I intend to use and then break it down into colorfields the way that one was. Something for tomorrow! I think I maight just have to sign off now since I am about to fall back asleep! This is a good thing, I've quit fighting it, when I feel tired, I rest - I just have to embrace the treatments and whatever side effects they come with and move forward from there! Life is what it is and accepting it is the fastest most effective way to move forward! So on that note, I will wish you all sweet dreams and see you tomorrrow! Good night!
I saw a really cool portrait at Dewey's Coffee Shop in Shaker Square yesterday. I've decided to do a self-portrait in that style. I will probably do it directly on the coated board I bought at Michael's rather than doing it on paper the way the original was done. I should have taken a picture of it, my memory isn't what it use to be at the moment. Plus I need to find a photograph I intend to use and then break it down into colorfields the way that one was. Something for tomorrow! I think I maight just have to sign off now since I am about to fall back asleep! This is a good thing, I've quit fighting it, when I feel tired, I rest - I just have to embrace the treatments and whatever side effects they come with and move forward from there! Life is what it is and accepting it is the fastest most effective way to move forward! So on that note, I will wish you all sweet dreams and see you tomorrrow! Good night!
March 3, 2011
Still working on being a successful Blogger!
I can't say I think I'm a successful Blogger yet, I don't seem to be terribly good at keeping a schedule! Let's face it, I fully intended to blog everyday starting with my last post and I think I've lost half a month! We are now in March! But I guess I must be fair to myself, the first priority I have is to get well, everything else follows after that! So I think as annoying as I find it, that is what I'm doing! I just don't have a great deal of patience and doing what I'm suppossed to as opposed to everything or at best what I want to isn't exactly my strong suit! Let me rephrase that, it didn't use to be my strong suit, but it will become my new strong suit and I shall embrace it as a wonderful part of life!
It doesn't seem like Palm Beach County has a community center for Cancer Patients like "The Gathering Place" here in Cleveland. Actually, it wouldn't appear very many, if any places in the country have such an extensive sort of place. I'm planning to start something of that sort in the West Palm Beach area, and include Heart related problems since Maria has said she would be interested in helping with it (she is the heart related problems as opposed to cancer.) I realize Sari Center at Good Samaratin hospital offers massage and such but I don't think they have all the art classes, etc... that "the Gathering Place" offers. I figure if we start out small, and my sister has agreed (actually volunteered) to help with writing a grant proposal - we can move forward from there. We have a tremendous amount of good people willing to give of themselves but just aren't sure how to do that. Much the same way I'm haven't been sure how to do that - so I think Maria & I can provide be the catalyst for all of this and really make West Palm Beach a mecca for healing. If any of you have other (I hate to use the word disease) health issues you would like included and either yourself or someone who has this "problem" and is knowledgeable about it is interested in being included, let me know. We don't have to limit this to cancer & heart disease we can make it all about health. So far, as you may have guessed, I'm still thinking this through - it's still merely a concept in my mind - but it's something that really resonates with me. Perhaps this is the reason I attracted Cancer to myself or at least part of the reason, to not just give back but to accept the love and help being so freely given to me by all of you. Either way it has been a journey not to be ignored or dismissed lightly. I have all of you to thank for that, and I am extremely grateful for that. I think I will say good night on that note since it is way past my bedtime! Sweet dreams to all of you, hopefully I will blog again tomorrow if not, it will be as soon as I can!
It doesn't seem like Palm Beach County has a community center for Cancer Patients like "The Gathering Place" here in Cleveland. Actually, it wouldn't appear very many, if any places in the country have such an extensive sort of place. I'm planning to start something of that sort in the West Palm Beach area, and include Heart related problems since Maria has said she would be interested in helping with it (she is the heart related problems as opposed to cancer.) I realize Sari Center at Good Samaratin hospital offers massage and such but I don't think they have all the art classes, etc... that "the Gathering Place" offers. I figure if we start out small, and my sister has agreed (actually volunteered) to help with writing a grant proposal - we can move forward from there. We have a tremendous amount of good people willing to give of themselves but just aren't sure how to do that. Much the same way I'm haven't been sure how to do that - so I think Maria & I can provide be the catalyst for all of this and really make West Palm Beach a mecca for healing. If any of you have other (I hate to use the word disease) health issues you would like included and either yourself or someone who has this "problem" and is knowledgeable about it is interested in being included, let me know. We don't have to limit this to cancer & heart disease we can make it all about health. So far, as you may have guessed, I'm still thinking this through - it's still merely a concept in my mind - but it's something that really resonates with me. Perhaps this is the reason I attracted Cancer to myself or at least part of the reason, to not just give back but to accept the love and help being so freely given to me by all of you. Either way it has been a journey not to be ignored or dismissed lightly. I have all of you to thank for that, and I am extremely grateful for that. I think I will say good night on that note since it is way past my bedtime! Sweet dreams to all of you, hopefully I will blog again tomorrow if not, it will be as soon as I can!
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