My Creative Life

Another Day

2011-03-05T23:34:00.000-05:00

Once again I'm trying to get myself on a healing schedule - but it isn't the easiest task for me. I seem to be on a flipped schedule - so I rest during the day and am wide awake at night! This may be in part from the steroids but I'm sure at least some of it is due to sleeping during the day rather than staying awake and sleeping at night. I'm even taking the last steroid at 2:00 PM rather than any later so I can sleep at night, but I think even that isn't helping as much as it should since I'm sleeping during the day! Maybe I will be able to stay awake tomorrow - although I don't want to ignore my fatigue - so it has become a bit of a catch 22 - I'm not sure how exactly I plan to handle this, but tomorrow is another day so I have plenty of time to figure it out!

Monday I meet with my Oncologist and find out if he wants to run the chemo concerent with the radiation treatments or wait to start it until they are complete. I'm rather hoping he starts the chemo fairly soon - and I can't recall how often he said I would be getting chemo. I'm sure he told me, but I have no idea at this point what he said. The brain is a terrible thing to lose! In my case it may not be such a bad thing, it is forcing me to slow down and really look at what I'm doing & thinking - I probably should have been forced to do this years ago! I have stayed busy with all sorts of activities in order to keep from facing or dealing with the problems at hand! I've made a career out of avoidance - and done it quite well I might add - now is the time to face the music!

Tomorrow, assuming the Weather Channel is incorrect or at least changes their predicition, I hope we can go someplace different and enjoy the afternoon, we'll see what the weather is like! We're going to get a printer for up here too, apparently all sorts of places have rather cheap printers and they nail you with the cost of the ink! So we'll check that one out and look for his walking finger (toe) shoes - not to mention I want to start a self portrait - I feel like somehow, for some reason I need to document this, because I really don't believe cancer is going to kill me. We're all going to die, me included, but something else is going to be the way I go, this is more of a growth opportunity for me. A path which is showing me what's really important in life and what to let go of. So I will simply have to wait until time & God choose to show me what I need to know. They say patience is a virtue - definately one I need to cultivate because at the moment it isn't one of my strong suits! Oh well, another flaw which makes me human - damn I wanted to be perfect! Just kidding, that's the old Valerie, the new one is much more forgiving and a lot less hard & demanding of herself! Pretty cool way to be if you really look at it honestly! Well, anyway, I'm once again ready to fall asleep - so I will say sweet dreams & good night to all of you and I will see you tomorrow!

Late at Night Seems to be Best for Me

2011-03-05T01:37:00.000-05:00

I'm going to miss my sister when she leaves in the morning, but I'm looking forward to seeing my husband when he arrives - so it's sort of a Catch 22 for me! I saw the most beautiful woman at the Clinic the other day, she must have been in her later 30s and had no hair but she had not only an incredible head but beautiful face as well, unbelievable! She was with her husband and was apparently getting chemo for something. I'm surprised how painless & quick radiation goes - although everyone says I won't see any side effects until probably the end of the second week or beginning of third, so by that time I should be almost through! I'm really enjoying my support groups, the weekly Tuesday evening one at The Gathering Place is awesome and I finally made it to the monthly breast cancer support group on Mondays which I throughly enjoyed. I'm surprised I didn't take part in these before, but I think it was a combination of not being ready and I'm not sure we really have support groups like this available in South Florida. I may have to start my own!

I saw a really cool portrait at Dewey's Coffee Shop in Shaker Square yesterday. I've decided to do a self-portrait in that style. I will probably do it directly on the coated board I bought at Michael's rather than doing it on paper the way the original was done. I should have taken a picture of it, my memory isn't what it use to be at the moment. Plus I need to find a photograph I intend to use and then break it down into colorfields the way that one was. Something for tomorrow! I think I maight just have to sign off now since I am about to fall back asleep! This is a good thing, I've quit fighting it, when I feel tired, I rest - I just have to embrace the treatments and whatever side effects they come with and move forward from there! Life is what it is and accepting it is the fastest most effective way to move forward! So on that note, I will wish you all sweet dreams and see you tomorrrow! Good night!

Still working on being a successful Blogger!

2011-03-03T00:07:00.000-05:00

I can't say I think I'm a successful Blogger yet, I don't seem to be terribly good at keeping a schedule! Let's face it, I fully intended to blog everyday starting with my last post and I think I've lost half a month! We are now in March! But I guess I must be fair to myself, the first priority I have is to get well, everything else follows after that! So I think as annoying as I find it, that is what I'm doing! I just don't have a great deal of patience and doing what I'm suppossed to as opposed to everything or at best what I want to isn't exactly my strong suit! Let me rephrase that, it didn't use to be my strong suit, but it will become my new strong suit and I shall embrace it as a wonderful part of life!

It doesn't seem like Palm Beach County has a community center for Cancer Patients like "The Gathering Place" here in Cleveland. Actually, it wouldn't appear very many, if any places in the country have such an extensive sort of place. I'm planning to start something of that sort in the West Palm Beach area, and include Heart related problems since Maria has said she would be interested in helping with it (she is the heart related problems as opposed to cancer.) I realize Sari Center at Good Samaratin hospital offers massage and such but I don't think they have all the art classes, etc... that "the Gathering Place" offers. I figure if we start out small, and my sister has agreed (actually volunteered) to help with writing a grant proposal - we can move forward from there. We have a tremendous amount of good people willing to give of themselves but just aren't sure how to do that. Much the same way I'm haven't been sure how to do that - so I think Maria & I can provide be the catalyst for all of this and really make West Palm Beach a mecca for healing. If any of you have other (I hate to use the word disease) health issues you would like included and either yourself or someone who has this "problem" and is knowledgeable about it is interested in being included, let me know. We don't have to limit this to cancer & heart disease we can make it all about health. So far, as you may have guessed, I'm still thinking this through - it's still merely a concept in my mind - but it's something that really resonates with me. Perhaps this is the reason I attracted Cancer to myself or at least part of the reason, to not just give back but to accept the love and help being so freely given to me by all of you. Either way it has been a journey not to be ignored or dismissed lightly. I have all of you to thank for that, and I am extremely grateful for that. I think I will say good night on that note since it is way past my bedtime! Sweet dreams to all of you, hopefully I will blog again tomorrow if not, it will be as soon as I can!

Finally I'm Back

2011-02-18T23:50:00.002-05:00

She's baaaackkkk!!!! I feel just like a poltergeist as Carol Anne looks in the TV and sees me!

I've finally come to a conclusion about why I see the port as rather scary and brain surgery, possible surgery at sometime in the future on the breast, etc... as not scary; I see the port as a continuation of cancer or a continuation of the disease rather than (as the others) a cure for some part of the disease. It's rather interesting but it just sort of came to me as soon as I let it go.

I don't feel as strong on my feet as I did before surgery, which is apparently normal, but my home healthcare nurse was quite taken aback by how well I was doing. Once again, this is my new normal, as they say. I'm not a believer in things not being able to return to how they once were; but by the same token, I have to accept that there are lessons here and it's not only important that I learn them, but that I also take them to heart and make the lesson part of my new world! It isn't really good for me or important that I do a million things all at once, but rather important that I fully concentrate on the one thing that I'm doing at the moment. I not only have to stay focused, but I have to stay in the moment, rather than try to constantly stay ahead of the moment by staying busy with a million things rather than concentrating on a particular aspect which is really what's important!

I think finally I'm connecting more to people than objects or material things which is not just a good thing, it's a very positive thing. Although I must admidt - painting my rocks isn't going to be as easy as I expected. It seems as though I'm going to have to prime these various areas, not just swish a little paint on them like I had first thought. It is much more translucent than I had anticipated. That's OK however, because it's teaching me not only patience, but also to do things the right way rather than the easiest way! There are probably times when I do need things done by a certain time or whatever, but that may just mean I should have started sooner rather than work faster. This seemed to be an ongoing problem in highschool - things always took longer than I anticipated them taking; plus I left them off until the last minute on top of it! I got better at this (finally) in college only after I decided to finish in an accelerated program - there would be no surviving had I not buckled down and set up not only a plan but a time schedule. This forced me to do things when they needed to be done, not when it was convenient to do them. Well, actually the last minute isn't necessarily convenient to do them, but it's all I ever allowed prior to my excelerated program! I will post some pictures of them as I finish each one. That may also be part of the reason small rocks only have one or two words written on them - you wouldn't know what they said otherwise. I have to think that one over - I originally thought about writing a poem or phrase - something longer than one or two words - but people won't necessarily be able to read it - or perhaps they just won't be interested in reading it! You'll see what I decide to do about that as well!

I think I may just have to leave you guys, I'm starting to get sleepy, which is understandable, I guess. I can't keep overriding the safety switch just to get more done! It's more important that I do what I'm doing well, rather than doing a lot of things quickly, yet poorly! It's just one more thing to think, about another gift, if you will! One last thing before I go - perhaps one of you knows - where should I look for fenugreek so I can make some tea from it! Whole Foods doesn't carry it, I asked! I thought we had some at home but I wouldn't begin to know where to start looking for it. It's apparently some sort of herb or spice and although I'm rather surprised Whole Foods doesn't stock it, I'm not sure if I should be looking in the spice isle or bulk area or what; any light you could shed on the subject would be greatly appreciated. Well, on that note I'm definately going to sleep. Sweet Dreams, see you tomorrow - hopefully I will be able to start being more consistent with my blog again, now that I'm hopefully through with this latest growth opportunity! It's always something, I just have to go with the flow!

What will today bring?

2011-02-03T04:16:00.000-05:00

Well, I'll be interested to see what today is like. It isn't snowing where I am, at least not at the moment. Yesterday it was snowing really hard for a while, but the odd thing is, it doesn't seem to accumulate??? I'm not sure what happens to it. Another weird snow fact I don't get? It's not terrible relevant in West Palm Beach! It's OK though, because it's easier for me to walk around if we don't have deep snow, so I'm not complaining :-)

First of all, I want to apologize to those of you who have left comments, many of which I haven't even found to read, much less respond to! For someone who is actually pretty good with computers, this whole social networking thing just sends me over the top. I have some sort of mental block when it comes to my blog & facebook - but I'm working on it and fully intend to get my head around it. Perhaps I should just go find a six year old to come explain it to me - I'm sure they would have no problems! That's actually most likely the problem I'm trying to make it more complicated than it is! I just want to be sure you all understand it's nothing personal and I don't mean to be ignoring you - in fact, in most cases I don't even realize there's any thing to ignore! Worst part is, I was like this before the cancer/chemo brain so I can't even blame it on that! Well, I could but that would be rather dishonest! :-) If any of you have any tips about blogs or facebook - sort of "blogs & facebook for dummies" sort of stuff, I would certainly appreciate hearing them.

I keep waking up in what I consider the middle of the night, but I decided I'll just get up and take a nap later - I'll get more accomplished this way (or that's what I'm thinking will happen, I'll let you know.) I took some pictures of my henna tattoo now that the paste is gone and just the henna stain remains, so let me know what you think (and hopefully I can locate the comment :-) - that sounds so ridiculous!) I think it looks really cool - but I'll have better pictures this weekend, it's hard taking them myself with my phone!

I can see having a lot of fun with henna tattoos & temporary tattoos (which look like regular tattoos, colors and all but wear off in a week or so.) Who needs hair if you can have this much fun without it? Especially at home, up here (Ohio) it's too cold to go outside without a hat and such, at least in the winter, but this would be perfect for normal Florida weather (this year things seem to be a bit odd, colder than usual) but normally, hey this is perfect! I may start a new trend - and we could have tattoo parties and a bunch of us get together and paint each others heads! What could be more fun? We certainly wouldn't need all the training that would be necessary to give each other haircuts (at least haircuts we could be seen in public with!)

Well, I think I'll sign off now and hopefully I'll be back later (after a late AM early PM nap!) Thanks again for listening talk to you again soon!

My Henna Tattoo

2011-01-31T15:47:00.001-05:00

Kristina did my henna tattoo - it's awesome! I may never grow hair again, this is just so cool. I'll be able to remove the paste before I go to bed tonight and it will start out orange and then turn brown within a couple of days. This was just so much fun, better than going for a haircut :-). Let me know what you think about it. Here's a link to Kristina's website http://www.henname.net/ I'm thinking about learning how to do this and when I get home if there are other women going through chemo who want a henna tattoo instead of wigs or hats, I can do tattoos for them. Sort of my way of giving back! So if any of you know someone who's interested, let me know!

Today is a great day, it's probably in the 20s, not really sure, but it's sunny, dry and not windy so it's just a real crisp, refreshing day! This is just turning out to be a fabulous day for me. I'm going to make my daily excursion over to Dave's Market - this time I actually do need something, organic cranberry juice. I think I'll get a lemon, as well, there's no need to remove the henna paste with organic lemon juice!

Had a great time yesterday roamed around the mall and then went to Whole Foods for dinner. We had a good time. I'm starting to get tired, I got up early and stayed up because I was excited about my tattoo! There's another storm system moving across the country, but I'm not sure if it's supposed to effect us - it's difficult to tell from thos maps they have on the weather channel. I think even if it does effect us, it should have moved through by Friday, so he shouldn't have a problem driving in from Detroit. I'm preparing myself, I have no intention of getting sick again when I have someone visiting from out of town! That was a total drag, getting sick every time some came to visit! I'm not sure what exactly that was all about! I'm sure it served some purpose on some level.

I found out about transportation to the Gathering Place - they can provide it once a week, so I think I'll go to the support group held on Tuesday evenings. I think I'll get the most out of that. I just have to make sure they provide a ride in the evenings, but Betsy didn't say anything about them not doing that. Therefore, I'll assume it's covered, unless I hear else wise!

Well, I think I'll say caio and head out - i get these random thoughts hopefully this will not continue happening, otherwise I'm going to have to go by the Apple Store and that can be
dangerous! OK good bye, I'll talk to you. Later.

What a Great Saturday

2011-01-29T19:47:00.001-05:00

How do you like my new look? This is GI Val! Can't wear it outside, because it's too cold, but I'll be able to in Florida :-)

I had a great day today, went to "The Gathering Place" I guess it's like a community center for people with cancer. I met some really wonderful people and just had a real nice time.

The weather was not to good this morning, it was snowing and the raods were slippery in places, but by this afternoon, everything was fine. There's some kind of program on the weather channel, but I'll turn it back on in a little while and see what tomorrow is supposed to be like. I might take the bus down to the shopping center by Whole Foods. I don't really care about going shopping, but there isn't too much else to do that's inside and easy to get to. I have to find an alternate method to get to the Gathering Place, because I could enjoy spending the day there several times a week, but it's rather far away, so the cab fare is prohibitive. But I've no doubt I'll find another way there. It's nice being able to hang out with people that have either gone through the same sort of things or are going through them now. That's the funny (strange) thing about cancer, it makes a lot of people really uncomfortable, they don't know what to say so it makes for a rather awkward situation or they just avoid you altogether! I was hoping that was the sort of environment the Gathering Place would provide, but it surpassed my greatest hopes. I just can't wait to go back there. Well, I think I'm going to sign off now, it's almost my bedtime (8:30 PM)! So sweet dreams everyone and I'll speak with you tomorrow! Good night.

Plan B

2011-01-28T14:05:00.000-05:00

OK, I didn't post a picture of my henna tattoo, because you can't really see it. I'm not sure what exactly we did wrong, but it mostly washed off with just a very faint image left. So I was working on plan B - wasn't exactly sure what plan B was going to be, but I had a couple of ideas bouncing around and then the phone rings - it's the librarian from The Gathering Place - she found the woman who does the henna tattoos, she's still doing them and she gave me her phone number and email address - I have an appointment for Monday at 11 AM! Here again, everything is falling into place. God is obviously cool with my tattoo idea! I think it's great beacause when women see me with it, it gives them another option. We don't have to wear a wig and try to pretend we're the same as everyone else, we can embrace the hand we've been dealt and play it! It's actually rather empowering when you shave your head and just throw all the worries and concerns of "what do I look like" to the wind. It sort of takes us back to the essence of who we are, minus all the I have to do this and look like this stuff we've become so accustomed to. This really is such an amazing learning experience - I would like you all to be able to experience it, but not to have to do it through cancer! Let's find you a little bit easier way :-)!

Looks like a pretty nice day out, I thinki it's in the 20's and there's just the lightest of snow flying around, so I'm going to take a walk over to Dave's Market and maybe stop and grab a bite at the bagel shop on the way! I really feel so fortunate and grateful - I can only hope that I find a way to give some of the blessings that I'm receiving to other people with cancer. It's all in how you look at it, I really believe that. Of course, I can't begin to say enough about the Theta Healing - I wouldn't have made it this far in the headspace that I'm in without the Theta Healing. Once I move a little further into my treatment and things are a bit more settled, or at least on a pretty steady schedule, I want to take the training, I think it will not only be great for me, but I can help other people also. I've always felt like God had some sort of purpose for me, I just wasn't sure what it was, somehow, this is it, I just have to listen quietly and watch for the signs to know exactly what he wants me to do, but I know in my heart that it's very strongly connected with this whole experience. That's one of the things that makes this all worthwhile - if you can live your life to help other people and in some small way make the world a better or at least brighter place - then no matter what you go through or what happens, it's all good!

Well, I think I'm going to head off to Dave's Market, if I go mid-day, it's the warmest :-) Talk to you all soon, have a fabulous day!

Chemo Brain

2011-01-27T18:38:00.000-05:00

Wow, I learned a lot last night, seems there's something called chemo brain - and I've got it! Which is OK, I feel so much better that the memory loss and things I'm experiencing are chemo brain (because they sound just like the rest of you are talking about) rather than being problems from the brain lesions or gamma knife treatment! I hadn't even heard of chemo brain until I was exploring the chemochicks.com website. There's some great stuff there.

I can't wait to get home and start reading my book, "Your brain after Chemo" it's really rather interesting you don't hear much about this, but after I started checking seems like there are a bunch of books and such about it. I'm thinking when I go to the Gathering Place on Saturday it should also prove informative because I'll be around people who have already gone through the same things. I'll learn from their experiences instead of having to reinvent the wheel myself!

This afternoon, I got my henna tattoo, I have to wait as long as possible before I rinse it off so it will stain well. I'll do it just before I go to bed. It looks cool, but the stencil lines are still there (they wash off) so I won't get the full effect until I wash it off! It's pretty exciting, at least to me, this would be a great afternoon activity, I might talk to them about it at the Gathering Place. We could do each other, it isn't difficult, it's just you can't do your own head! I'll take a picture and post it when I wash the henna paste off!

I'm still sitting in the lobby of the main building at the clinic, it's nice, a lot of peole around and it gets me out of my apartment! I'll probably head home in a little while. It seems lie it's so late, but it isn't even 7:00 PM - I guess just because it's dark, I don't know! Well, I think I'm going to sign off and head home, I'll post a picture later, so you can see how it looks! Then I'll do some more exploring online and reading my book. That way I'll have more info for you guys tomorrow! It's really interesting learning all this. It's even better being able to share it with people. Well, good. Night everyone I'll talk to you tomorrow!

A New Perspective

2011-01-25T13:22:00.001-05:00

I'm feeling much more positive and in part it's because I'm getting back to viewing life with gratitude, it makes a world of difference. When I'm grateful it can make the seemingly worst senario quite beautiful. I think in being sick and all, I started to lose that and Was edging over towards feeling sorry for myself and that's someplace I don't want to go! So I'm not going too :-)

I believe I may be developing more patience or maybe it's just a different outlook, but when I was in the bagel shop there were a couple women with little kids sitting next to me - in the past I often tended to get a bit annoyed with the noise and chatter. This time I found them fascinating - they were having such a great time, even taking the tray over to the trash can to empty it was obviously a fun experience for them. It was refreshing to watch, but it was also quite interesting, a lot can be learned from little kids. They aren't worried about what's happening tomorrow or next week, they're just enjoying the moment. They also find pleasure in whatever they're doing, emptying the trash or whatever. I'm trying to learn from this and trying to be more like them. Kids can be great teachers, we all knew what was important when we were kids then in the process of growing up society took all that away - so now we need to relearn everything!

Cats are great teachers as well, in fact, they are often referred to as zen masters. I could learn a lot from my cats. They don't seem to get flustered about things or worry they just chill and go with the flow. There's a tremendous amount to be said for staying in the moment. That's my current goal to stay in the moment and I'm having some success at it. This is something that eluded me in the past, but I'm becoming more comfortable with it. As long as I'm progressing that's all that matters! It's the same thing with my health, I'm following my schedule and doing my part and I feel great, so I take that as positive! Life is good as they say and I can't ask for anything more than that! That's plenty! Well, I'm going to sign off now, so have a great afternoon and stay warm!

Cats are great teachers as well, in fact they're often referred to as zen masters.

Snow,snow everywhere

2011-01-24T14:02:00.000-05:00

We've had some cold weather and snow but nothing too bad when I look at what's happening in other parts of the country. It makes me grateful! This goes to prove everything is relative - it's in the low 20's today and it seems like a balmy day, rather temperate! A few months ago I would never have believed I could have felt this way! :-) Life's full of surprises, that's what keeps it so interesting.

I'm getting really excited, My henna stencils arrived in the mail this morning and I found someone who's going to put it on for me Thursday! This is going to be cool, I'm really looking forward to it. It's rather amazing, cancer has provided me experiences I would never have experienced otherwise. Let's face it, I wouldn't have just gone out, shaved my head and tried a henna tattoo - but hey, that's what I'm doing now! It actually has provided some great experiences and I feel I'm going to come out of this a much stronger, more well rounded, just different person than I would have been if life had just drifted along status quo!

It's almost time for me to make my way across the street to Dave's Market - another exciting adventure at the grocery store! What's that they say, if you aren't content with what you have, you'll never be content with what you want. So I'm learning to be content with exploring the grocery store as an outing on snowy cold days! In fact if I really get energetic when I get home I may make Joni's birthday cookies. This actually partially depends on what I find at Dave's - because the boxes I bought to package them in to mail are to small for the size cookie cutters I have! Not the best planning, but I just never even thought about it. So wish me luck, actually wish Joni luck - she really wants her cookies :-)

Seems like we should have more accumulation of snow as much as it's been snowing. Not that I am complaining! We haven't been having heavy snow storms, but light flurries consistently over the last week seems like they would have yielded a larger accumulation than what we have. I'm still learning all these little winter weather nuances! They are going to come in very handy in South Florida when I get home! :-)

Well I think I'm going to sign off now and go get snowed on! There's one thing I actually remembered from years ago - when you get snowed on outside it's fine, but make sure you brush it all off as soon asbyou go inside or you'll be soaking wet. I learned that the hard way :-) didn't stop to think that heat melts snow, so I may just have well been standing out in the rain! It was rather funny after I got dried off! See you all later, have a fabulous day and remember to savor whatever you're doing. You can find joy in the most seemingly mundane activity if you look hard enough!

Ode to a Steroid

2011-01-19T11:14:00.002-05:00

I cannot believe how incredible steroids are! I was so sick for three days I could barely get out of bed and all I was able to keep down was apple juice & popsicles - finally yesterday I was able to take some tyLenol & an anti-nausea pill and make it one block to the grocery to get some apples which is about all I felt I could eat. Then in the afternoon, I received a call back from my Neurosurgeon and he Agreed we'd try the steroids for a couple of weeks to see if that helped. (previously the Neurosurgeon Resident on call felt it could be caused by the pain medication I started taking for arthritis in the hip). Well, let me tell you - one and a half hours after taking a two milligram pill I felt like a new person! I had my first real food in four days - an enchilada, black beans and corn! I couldn't believe it. I have felt down (less positive and grateful) since my hospital stay the beginning of December, then the flu and then this latest bout - until I took that steroid, I feel like I'm almost back to where I was six weeks ago or something. It really feels great! This is effecting my husband as well as me - his friend interviewed him for his website and here is a link to what he had to say: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ta6GgwBTc68&sns=em

Can you believe after taking the steroid yesterday, I was up baking cookies to bring with me for my chemo see ion at 11:30 last night! Thats a first, usually I'm sound asleep by then. Getting ready to go check in early for my chemo session and see if I schmuze a bit if I can get them to shift me around until one of my favorite nurses is up! They let you request a waitress when you go out to eat, so it seems reasonable. We'll see how I do! If Neil were here he'd get me the nurse I want - so I just have to pretend I'm Neil and do what he would do. We'll see how it goes! :-). Well, on that note I'm going to sign off and go practice my schmuzing - wish me luck!

Still Snowing

2011-01-14T11:58:00.000-05:00

It is still snowing! Just light flurries, but still snowing. That is just amazing to me, it never snows this long in West Palm Beach! :-) just hanging out at the bagel shop while I wait for the wash to finish so I can put it in the dryer. I can't believe the way I'm doing laundry - I just throw everything in the same load. That's pitiful, but I'm cheap! I remember in college when the washer was a quarter and the dryer a dime - now it's a $1.50 for each machine! Talk about inflation!

I called my sister and she dais she was on the other line with Bellview, so I asked if it was the mental hospital but apparently it's a drywall company! I figured she might be committing John! :-) Apparently the guy at Bellview got a real laugh out of it!

Well, it's time to go back and take care of the laundry. So I'm going to sign off now and I'll try to blog a bit more this afternoon! So have a fantastic day.

Second Gamma Knife

2011-01-13T16:38:00.000-05:00

Well, I had my second gamma knife treatment yesterday, seemed to me it went well. It was a long day I got there a little after 7 AM and didn't leave until about 6:30 PM, but it wasn't bad. There were only 3 of us having treatment, but there were about 6 or 7 friends and family with the other two and everyone was real nice, so it was almost like a big party out in the waiting room! We all had a pretty good time I think. In fact there was one man who was a retired drywaller - so that was interesting, the two of us talked for a long time. I enjoyed it, it's been awhile since I've been around people in the construction field, so it was like old home week! It was also real nice having a long conversation about something unrelated to illnesses, which unfortunately is what most of us have in common!

I'm feeling real good, even my hip (a little arthritis) is feeling pretty good today - so hey life is good! Even the snow has let up for a little bit, we probably have around 8" here - varies by where in town you are, actually it can even vary by which side of the street you're on. That one I haven't figured out yet, seems like at least the roof and the middle of the yard would have some, even if wind was keeping it away from the edge of the house, but no - one side of the street can have nothing. You would never even know it snowed unless you looked to the other sid of the street! I'll have to ask Neil about that one, maybe they studied it in meteorology class.

I went to the grocery and unknowingly dropped a glove, luckily someone turned it in - it's entirely too cold for a gal from Florida to go out without gloves! I had only gone next door which is why I didn't put them on and therefor notice it was missing, but when I got ready to go out, I saw it was gone! I got real lucky I hadn't gone far and someone turned it in! I was trying to figure out where I could get some gloves close by - Starbucks doesn't carry them and neither does the grocery! :-). I would have been out of luck! Well frozen is actually what I would have been! But alas, I got lucky :-).

This is a great afternoon, have time to blog and catch up on a few phone calls, and still playing phone tag with a few others! That makes life interesting I guess. I'm realizing now that the holiday movies are over and I've been watching regular programing for a couple of weeks - why we don't have TV at home. I'm getting totally burnt out on it! Luckily I have some good books to read - people think we're crazy not having TV but I just find it to be a huge waste of time for me and after a little while, boring! I guess it's what your use to! Well, I'm going to run, my friend is coming over and we'll probably go to whole foods so that will be fun! Talk to you all later! Thanks for all the prayers and support!

Another Exciting Night in the ER

2011-01-10T14:08:00.000-05:00

Well, I had another exciting night in the Emergency Room, Saturday! At least they didn't admit me, but I was there for 7 hours. That probably wouldn't have been so bad except it was at night, didn't leave until 2AM and I'm not awake at such hours! I'm an 8:00 bedtime type of gal - but I can probably recite the tragic events of Saturday AM in Tucson, since I heard it over & over on CNN (for 7 hours). It's unfortunate that in a matter of minutes, so many lives can be changed forever. It makes me realize just how fortunate I am, while I don't really have control of what's happening in my life, I'm at least alive and able to make choices. I fail to think about just how quickly that could be taken from me, it takes an event like this one to bring that home. When I look at it like that, 7 hours in the Emergency Room is nothing but a slight inconvenience!

I had to run some errands today, so I decided to spend some time at the main building at the clinic. They'll probably have some kind of music here this afternoon, plus there's a great little Mexican place, so I can have something yummy. It's nice for a change of pace! That's my story anyway & I'm sticking to it! :-). They need to have those little smiley face icons on blogs, like they have in mail programs! I'm pushing it now, aren't I? It's amazing how all these buildings are connected - some just with hallways and the actual buildings connect others with walkways over the street or tunnels underneath it. I guess it's important here in the winter, living in South Florida, you tend not to think about that type of thing.

Well, there's someone playing the piano, I think this was just an impromptu thing, he appears to just be someone who was sitting in the lobby, but he plays beautifully! There goes someone with a service dog. It looks like Jolly, only a little be lighter color coat! He was wearing a blue vest, can't remember but seems like that's what they wear when they're in training? I'll have to check into that.

Today is a pretty nice day so far, although supposedly it's 17 degrees, but it doesn't feel like it. They have had all sorts of snow warnings, but we haven't had any in several days, even then it was just light flurries. Cleveland seems to be like Florida - if you don't like the weather, wait 15 minutes and it will change!

I didn't sleep well last night, seems like I woke up hourly, not really sure what that was about. Surprisingly I don't feel tired from a night of disturbed sleep, so that's a good thing! Wednesday is my second gamma knife treatment. The first one was rather successful, all four tumors shrunk! A new one has appeared, which doesn't sound like it's that unusual, in fact it sounds like it's rather common to have multiple new ones appear - so this is another good thing! Plus, this time it will be very easy to take care of the pin sites, because there's no hair in the way!

Well, I think I'm going to have to sign off now, there's a burrito call ing my name! Talk to you all soon!

Finally feeling better!

2011-01-05T14:56:00.000-05:00

Sorry I disappeared for awhile, I've had the flu - actually I still have it, but these antibiotics are beginning to get it under control. It was rough for awhile, barely got out of the bed for 4-5 days. Had my brain MRI yesterday, the four original tumors resounded well, they all shrank - there's one new one on the other side, so I have gamma knife again next Wednesday. The doctor feels pretty positive that this one should respond well since all the others did and apparently it isn't uncommon for people to have multiple new tumors when they have their follow up scan, so only one is great!

I'm having my chemo now, so that's a good thing, I couldn't have it last week because I was running a fever with my cold. I finally feel like I'm coming back - this cold or flu has taken more of a toll on me than having gamma knife surgery and chemo treatments! How's that for unbelievable! That's hard to believe, but whatever is going around this year is hitting everyone hard. I rarely get colds or the flu, so I think of them as being nothing - but I guess it's like Hurricanes - some are nothing more than inconvenient, others can be devastating! This is definitely an "Andrew"!

Well, the premeds are are making me woozy so I'm going to sign off. Hopefully I'll feel up to blogging again tomorrow!

Christmas was Great

2010-12-26T16:01:00.000-05:00

We had a great Christmas, Neil was with us for Christmas Eve and we spent a quiet day for Christmas watching Christmas movies and relaxing then went for Chinese food! The food was great but the service was terrible, but I don't think our waitress was actually a waitress, so that excuses it. Today we went to Whole Foods for lunch and now we're going to go see "Little Fockers" that looks like it will be hysterical and laughter is so good for your health! It's pretty chilly, but when I looked at the TV in Whole Foods, there was a football game on, which was in Ohio - I'm not sure if it was in the stadium in Cleveland, but the announcer commented that they were getting light snow flurries, no accumulation but with the wind chill it felt like 40 below zero! I'm just wondering if it's possible that could have been in Cleveland and if the temperature is that different across town or if we're crazy and just don't realize how cold it feels???

I have to start getting up early and taking a nap in the afternoon if necessay, otherwise I'm having trouble working in my routine. It's hard to take your vitamins and do pranayama 3 times a day if you don't get up until noon and go to sleep at 7:30 or 8:00! It does seem like I have more energy, though. I'm going to have to start watching it, could be a cycle in relation to my chemo treatments! My aunt is taking the same chemo and that's what happens to her - she knows exactly which days are when she's really tired. I need to pay more attention and make my schedule accordingly. I still have cookies to bake! They aren't Christmas cookies, they are winter cookies! I'll take some pictures of them once I make them and we can see how they compare to my Christmas cookies. We'll see if they are up to Martha's standard! I think they will be, but we'll see :-)

Well, I'm going to run so we get to the movie on time. I doubt it will be crowded, I assume everyone will be shopping for after Christmas deals, we'll see if I'm right! Have a great afternoon & evening we'll talk tomorrow!

It's Almost Christmas

2010-12-23T18:15:00.000-05:00

Bharata arrived yesterday, timing worked out perfect, his flight was delayed in Charolette, so he arrived later than anticipated and my chemo went quickly, so I had just finished as he arrived, didn't even have to park the car! Is that perfect timing or what? I had been craving a BIG breakfast all afternoon, and my nurse told me where I could get one so we headed way out somewhere and I pigged out! It certainly hit the spot, not really the best food choices but sometimes you just gotta treat yourself!

Today we went to Whole Foods to stock up on some things I needed, ran in Target fo a car charger for the cell phone and exchanged my shoes at Macy's. I was surprised, Target & Macy's weren't that crowded, now Whole Foods on the other hand was a zoo! Neil is going to try to come by tomorrow afternoon and spend Christmas Eve with us and fly to Chicago for work on Christmas morning! That will be great if the flights work out!

I'm feeling pretty good today, I didn't actually get out of bed until 11:30, but I don't count that, I was up at 10:00 but there were 3 episodes of "The New Adventures of Old Christine" on back to back - that show would almost make it worth getting a TV, except I would also have to get cable - but I will check to see if it's available on iTunes! Let's face it, it isn't like I've seen all the old episodes. But none the less, I count myself as having gotten up at 10:00. That isn't too bad when you take into account the fatigue from chemo. Plus after we got home from Whole Foods, we walked a quarter of a mile around the second floor balcony that overlooks the lobby - so I think I'm doing pretty well, all things considered. It isn't the actually walking that's difficult, it's just boring going around in circles over and over, it took 13 laps to make a quarter of a mile. They have chair yoga on Tuesdays & Thursdays, I may just boom out and try that next week. I'm just going to feel really bad if I'm the youngest (which I probably will be) and the only one with a husband with a yoga center (which I'm sure I will be) and then I'm the worse one in class! At least it's exercise and if I start going, I'm sure I'll improve, so I just need to mark it on my calendar and force myself to start, otherwise I'll do what I did this week, be tied up doing something else and say I'll go next time and once again find myself otherwise occupied! It's the starting that's key - so hopefully Tuesday will be the day, maybe I can get Bharata to push me to go.

Well, we're at Starbucks and it's already dark, which means even colder, so we're going to head back home before the temperature drops much more and we turn into ice sculptures :-) just kidding, it's not that cold! Talk to you guys tomorrow. Have a great night and hope if you have anything left to do for Christmas, you get it done tomorrow!

Christmas Chemo

2010-12-22T14:37:00.000-05:00

I got the best chemo nurse I've had yet, I didn't even feel it when she put the IV in! That's amazing! This is my last time before I have my port put in, so I won't be using the veins anymore, but if I was, I would want her - she's the best!

Bharata's coming today, actually he would have arrived by now, but his plane was delayed in Charlotte, but that is a great airport to be delayed in! I'm always disappointed when I fly through there, because I never seem to have much time between flights, I always hope for a delay! I'm hoping he will agree to go to the Chicago Deli when we get through here, and I'm hoping they do breakfast all day - because I could really go for pancakes, eggs & grits! The cafe here isn't terribly vegetarian friendly, they have hotdogs on Wednesdays and they have macaroni and cheese but I didn't want that much dairy! Some how the Mac & cheese just doesn't send me and the soups on Wednesday are both meat soups. That reminds me, when I was in the hospital they got my first few meal orders messed up, so they sent one of the supervisors down to see what I wanted and straighten things out. He told me he would have them send vegetarian menus for me to choose from. I was talking to my sister on the phone while making my selections after that and she asked about the vegetarian menu, I told her I never got those. The next day I happened to think about it and looked a little closer, they did send what they considered a vegetarian menu - no meat or poultry, just fish! I haven't looked that careful before to see all the non pasta options were fish, I just assumed it was the regular menu because I saw fish on it. So obviously the hospital is of the belief that vegetarians eat fish! Surprising how many people don't know what a vegetarian is, frightening actually! We found a vegetarian place we're going to try out, even has raw food and then I see there's another place in a neighboring town that Chrissy Hines from The Pretenders started, so maybe we'll check that too if we have time! Meanwhile all I want now is a BIG breakfast!

Luckily I've finished all my Christmas shopping and everything has been shipped, so I can just chill - I don't mind going shopping or out and about at the holidays if it's just for fun, it's when you have to get things that it becomes stressful! Now all I have to do is figure out where we can go for Christmas dinner - I think I'll check out the yellow pages for places that look like they'll have vegetarian options and then see who's going to be open! Actually I'm assuming those two vegetarian places are closed, but I should call and verify that! I like eating out on holidays, it seems more festive, a different environment, a lot of people, things all decorated & festive - plus you have nothing to clean up and you can linger if you feel like it or get up as soon as you're finished eating if you're tired, it isn't rude like if you did that at someone's house! Plus you can each have whatever you're in the mood for, there's no set menu. One year we had Chinese, and that actually sounds pretty good, not sure if it's because I'm hungry or if it really does sound good!

Looks like it's stopped snowing, so that's good, I didn't want another mess like two weeks ago. First, because it would be horrible to try to get here from the airport in such traffic and bad weather conditions and then the second reason is because I don't want anything interfering with my BIG breakfast. You'd think I was back on steroids the way I'm talking about food! I think I will look up the deli and call to see if they do serve breakfast all day. Otherwise I need to find a Denny's or a Pancake House - talk about bad food choices! Who cares, it's Christmas and I deserve it!!!!!

Well, I'm starting to feel woozy from my premeds, I'm going to go before I really start rambling! You all have a great night and I'll catch you tomorrow.

My Daily Trip to Starbucks

2010-12-20T16:28:00.000-05:00

I'm back at Starbucks, the energy here is much more uplifting than at the bagel shop. It seems like the people who go to the bagel shop go to eat, but here, there are students working on homework, people catching up with old friends, others surfing the Internet, it's just a real mix of people. It makes for a more stimulating environment, so I rather like it!

I understand Friday is when they're expecting a lot of snow, at least that's what the nurse said this morning. The forecast calls for snow each day, but probably like today just little flurries, nothing terribly substantial, I'll have to watch the news to see what they expect Friday! I wonder if it will be like that storm w had a couple weeks ago - that was a mess! That's one up side to not being able to drive :-) I don't have to drive in the snow! See every cloud has a silver lining!

I'm feeling much better the last couple of days. Soaking in Epsom salts really helps the achy joints (side effect of chemotherapy) and I'm working on the fatigue, I have to find a balance between just giving in to it and staying in bed all day and pushing myself too much and overdoing it! Staying in bed too long gets you down, so that's not good, but I do need my rest, so I'm trying to find the balance. That's not exactly my strong suit, but I'm working on it and getting better at it - so I'm making progress! Watching Christmas movies is a good compromise, it's not just vegetating in bed, but it doesn't require a lot of energy. I'm curious what's on tonight, apparently there is no such thing as a TV guide other than if you have the paper delivered to your home. So watching TV is not something you can plan out, because who knows what's Ginger to be on. I'm beginning to get use to it, actually this is a very good exercise for me, because when I use to watch TV I would go through the TV guide on Sunday and figure out what wanted to watch for the entire week. That's really pretty anal, so this is forcing me out of that, I just have to wing it!

I went to Aladdin's - it's pretty good, I had a falafel salad and hummus - it was good, plus I didn't have to fix anything or wash any dishes :-). It's pretty chilly out, I'm going to guess the low 20s and since it's starting to get late (usually gets dark around 5-5:30) I'm going to head back home shortly so I don't freeze. The temperature should begin dropping soon. Sitting here in Starbucks gave me time to warm up after having walked from Aladdin's to the bank and then to Starbucks.

I just noticed, they have the same hanging lamps that we used in the lobby of Bella Mare, they look a little better here because they're higher rather than hanging low over the table. Although I must admit, they really don't do much for me. Well, before it gets too cold, I'm going to sign off and head back home! I'll catch up with you guys again tomorrow. Have a great night.

Another Lazy Sunday!

2010-12-19T15:46:00.000-05:00

Here I am again just lazing around, i didn't get up until 1:00, but it took me until after 2:00 to get dressed! I finally got motivated enough to walk down to Starbucks, that way I get out, post to my blog and get some exercise - Starbucks is further away than the bagel shop! I might walk past the bagel shop the other way and see what this Middle Eastern restaurant I was reading about on the Internet. It sounded pretty good, I have to see if they have a menu in the window, and also what their hours are. Might be a place for us to try while Bharata's up here at Christmas!

There's a little snow falling, they are just tiny, tiny snowflakes, in fact they almost look like raindrops but they're dry! The forecast has changed again, now they're calling for snow everyday this week! The key will be how much snow! Tomorrow is going to be a real test for me, I'm going to get up early - that means leave home by say 8:00 AM - so I can go to the post office and mail some packages - if I don't go tomorrow I'm afraid I'll miss a pre-Christmas delivery! I can't have that, what kind of Santa would I be? That reminds me of a Christmas movie I just watched, I can't remember the name, something about Santa Claus, Santa only reins as Santa for 200 years, then someone else takes over, in this case Whoopie Goldberg took over - just think, that could be me, with a white wig, red suit & a sleigh with reindeer! That would be awesome! I could totally go for being Santa Claus! Last year we had a great time, buying Christmas presents for kids & their siblings in the Head Start program in West Palm Beach and Bharata played Santa at their Christmas party, it was so much fun! I heard about the program and need for toys a couple of years ago on the radio and have so enjoyed getting presents for these kids. This year we had planned to do the Santa thing again and even thought we'd schedule to go a few days early and do Santa pictures with the kids and then take them to the parents at the party. Most of these families can't afford to but pictures of the kids with Santa, but I'm sue they'd appreciate having one. That will just have to wait for next year! Hopefully they got enough toys for everyone.

I'm realizing I feel much better when I get out - it's just getting myself out that's the difficult part! I'm trying to come up with some sort of plan to make this easier. I think I've hit the saturation point where the cumulative effects of the chemotherapy have built up in my body causing it to be a bit more difficult to stay active and remain as positive. So that means I have to bring out the big guns (first, I have to figure out what the big guns are). I refuse to let these toxins get the best of me, they have their purpose, to destroy the cancer, and I fully intend to allow them to do that, but I have to use other alternative therapies to dispose of the by-products which aren't needed for fighting the cancer so they don't pull me down. I think the secret to all of this is to understand the effects the toxins have and to combat them, rather than just letting it take you over not really understanding what's happening. Unfortunately, I think a lot of people don't understand this and are overwhelmed by it without knowing why and once it's pulled you into it's vortex, getting out because almost impossible - which is why I intent to gain control of the situation before it gets to that point!

I'm just looking across the street and I see the door to the India Community Center is open, I actually thought the place was closed and the sign had never been removed because it looked sort of abandoned, but I guess not. I wonder what exactly they have and or do there? I'll have to check it out and I can tell Pooja, the little girl I sponsor in India through the Christian Children's Fund. I try from time to time to write something in Spanish to Tania (not that my Spanish is very good) she's the little girl I sponsor in Bolivia. I've thought about sponsoring a child since I was in my teens but never got around to it. This sounds crazy but it was a Jack Nicholson movie that gave me the push I needed! It's quite rewarding, I'm really glad I finally made the commitment.

Well, I'm not sure if it's my imagination or not, but it looks like it's getting colder out there, so I'm going to sign off and head back home. Have a wonderful rest of the afternoon and evening and I'll be back tomorrow.

Can't believe it's the weekend again

2010-12-17T14:00:00.000-05:00

Here we are, it's Friday again, I can't believe it! It's about 28 degrees, but it feels pretty mild because it isn't windy. We are having some very light snow flurries, it's a very dry snow, so it's nice, although I'm not sure if it's sticking. It's hard to tell because it's so light! Perhaps another month or so I'll have the hang of this whole snow thing! :-)

Well, last night I buzzed my hair off to 1/8" length - the chemotherapy is making it fall out and then what's around the area that fell out sticks out, haven't figured out why, but this takes care of that. Who knew it would be so easy to eliminate a bad hair day! I think my hairdresser might freak out, but what she doesn't know won't hurt her! I think tomorrow is supposed to be a nice day, but I'll see when I get up. Ohio seems to be like Florida, if you don't like the weather wait 15 minutes! They give these forecasts and then a few hours later or the next day it's totally changed. I just check the weather if I think I want to go out and then decide based on what's happening right then. It's actually kind of a good thing, sort of keeps me in the moment! I also don't put things off for later, because who knows what later will bring, so if the weathers nice and I have something that needs to be done, I do it because I don't know when another opportunity will present itself!

I think I'm going to schedule some treatments from the Reflections program, I was going to before I ended up in the hospital and things got crazy. It's a program that provides free alternative treatments to cancer patients, like massage, reflexology, reiki, etc... It's great! Just have to decide which treatments to go for! Well, if I can't decide I'll just close my eyes and point, like pin the tail on the donkey, without the pin! :-)

I think I'm going to run, well not run actually, go take a nap! I'll talk to you guys later. Have a great afternoon and evening!

Talk About Feeling Stupid!!!!

2010-12-16T08:29:00.001-05:00

When I got home from chemotherapy I did my pranayama, took my supplements and went to bed, I was out for the count. I didn't wake up until 7:00 and my home care nurse would be here at 9:30, I had to hurry. I did my pranayama, cleaned up, got dressed, had breakfast && started making my green drink to take my supplements with; something was niggling around in the back of my mind, not really a conscious thought, but there nonetheless. What was it? I had not quite an hour before the nurse would be here, I needed to hurry, I stopped the green drink and got everything ready for the nurse first, just in case she's early, I opened the blinds by the dining table and resumed getting everything out for my drink. The niggling thought had made it's way to the front of my mind and was forming into a conscious thought, all of a sudden it popped out as a question. Why is it still dark outside, it should have been light almost 2 hours ago? My first thought was what could delay sunrise? Luckily that was just in passing (or I would really worry about myself) then I thought, is it morning? I went to my iPhone looked at the time and saw it was PM, not AM! The good news I hadn't finished my green drink and taken my supplements yet, since I'd just had taken a few hours before, the bad news I was rushing around getting ready for an event that wouldn't take place for 12 hours! I'm not sure why I just assumed it was morning when I woke up rather than that I had just taken a nap as I had intended. When I woke up it never even crossed my mind it was still evening, I must have felt extremely well rested. I did feel foolish! I'll have to start checking AM or PM from now on unless it's clearly light outside! :-)

I feel like my energy is coming back, could be from the steroids in the premeds, but I don't think so, but that would account for a the burst of energy when I woke up around midnight! I even did some yoga, no inverted postures or anything too strenuous, just some leg lifts, the tree and some triangle variations - i figured those would help strengthen my legs, improve my coordination & balance and not bother anything else. I didn't want to do any inverted poses, figured those could be detrimental to the brain, not worth taking a chance. It's 17 degrees today, but the wind has died down so that shouldn't be so bad. The wind is what causes the cold to just cut through you! I'm going to walk over to Dave's Market after the nurse leaves, just to pick up a few things, the weather is so unpredictable I figure when it's nice I need to take care of things because tomorrow might not be an option! Other than that I'm just going to stay inside and keep warm! Well, one other thing I plan to do is trim the hair to an 1/8" see how that works. There will still be a layer of hair to hold in heat, but it'll be shorter and should stick out in all directions around the patches that have fallen out. Otherwise, it's henna tattoos and keeping my fingers crossed the hats hold in enough heat. I wonder if the make silk under hats, like the long underwear they make for skiing - if not I need to add that to the list Kasey and I are making of ideas to research and perhaps pursue! Personally I think that's something there's a market for, especially for women, because a lot of winter hats look great (which is why we buy and wear them) but they aren't very warm, this would solve the problem! I'll google it, if it's out there, google knows! I don't know how we survived before google. I'll bet term papers and reports for school are a piece of cake compared to what we had to go through to research them. Well, actually that's not fair, truth is they probably expect a lot better papers from kids these days because there's so much available information. Everything's relative! Maybe that's why 12 year olds can use Facebook and I still can't figure it out! :-)

Well, I'm going to run, I want to be ready when the nurse arrives considering I was up 12 hours early! It's going to take me awhile to get over that. What was I thinking? I mean come on that's taking punctuality to an extreme :-). Can I count it even though it wasn't intentional? I didn't think so! Oh well! Have a fabulous day!

A Milder Day

2010-12-15T14:13:00.000-05:00

I'm having my fifth chemotherapy treatment today. I've already had my pre-meeds so if I start sounding loopy or rambling, that's why :-). It's actually not as cold as I expected and is a pretty nice day, I do see a few scattered snowflakes, but nothing to speak of! As long as it doesn't turn into a repeat of last Wednesday, I'm fine with it! I understand a lot of the employees couldn't even go home last Wednesday because the weather was so bad! To think we complain about hurricanes, at least we get some notice and have time to prepare!

I'm finally having a few side effects from the chemotherapy, some fatigue which isn't so bad, it slows me down and forces me to rest which I wouldn't always do otherwise! So that's a god thing. My hair is also coming out, I have to decide about the henna tattoos, I thought that was a great idea back when the temperatures were probabLy in the 50s & 60s - now with temperatures in the 20's & teens, I'm sort of rethinking that concept - my head gets kind of cold even with hair (even with a hat) so I'm not sure how cold it will be with a naked head! I've heard that you lose most of your body heat through the head, so I'm giving that some thought. Guess my option would be a wig or something, which seems like it would be rather uncomfortable but having a cold head will probably be uncomfortable too. So we will see how that goes - decisions, decisions, it's like going to the hairdresser and going through all those magazines trying to decide on just the right " do"! Actually it would be great to have one of those old- fashioned hairdryers you sat under (I remember my mom had one when I was a kid) I could just pop under there and warm up my head if it got cold - but I haven't seen one of those in years! I wonder what Kojak did during the winter? Should be the same for bald men, right? Who knows, I'll figure it out I'm sure! I should have such problems, there are people with no food and all sorts of other problems, keeping my head warm is hardly a big deal!

I can feel myself starting to doze off from the Benadryl - don't know why it always throws me for such a loop, but it does! I always want to get stuff done during this time and it doesn't cooperate very well! Probably another one of those signs I need to slow down and reattach, whether I like it or not! Oh well, don't guess I have much of a choice, so I'm going to sign off and take a nap! Have a great afternoon, I certainly intend to! Ciao!

Brrrrrrrr!

2010-12-14T11:45:00.000-05:00

Well this morning it's 18 degrees according to my weather program, they were saying the windchill would be zero, so I'm assuming that's the case because it's very windy - but I'm not going outside to find out! :-)
I'm feeling much better this morning, I had a great Theta healing session last evening, there were 3 practioners, not just one. It really got me back on track, I've been sort of discombobulated since being in the hospital - my schedule got all out of wack and it's been difficult to get back on track - but it's coming together.

The fever seems to be more or less under control, when I do have one it isn't very high, so it doesn't zap my energy the way fevers do when they are high. So that's a good thing! Even though the hospital stay disrupted my visit with my sister, I think it was very positive, it gave me more peace of mind since they did so many tests to basically rule out possibilities of what was causing the fevers and they came up with a new wound care plan that seems to be working much better, so all in all, even though I didn't necessarily think so at the time, this too was exactly what I needed. It's just amazing how things just keep falling together. It's like a perfectly orchestrated concert - amazing how that works when I just listen rather than try to conduct!

I'm starting to work on my artwork, I'm adding to my Postcards to God series. When I get home I'll be uploading all of them to my website, so I'll have some from this experience to add to the collection. I've found working on these postcards to be very cathartic while documenting my life experiences over the past several years. It's good to be getting back to this, it reconnects me to who I am. So here again another positive thing I'm receiving from this experience. Well, I've got to run, will be back later!

Snow Picture

2010-12-11T15:39:00.000-05:00

OK, here's the picture I promised you of the snow - i took it through the window screen, but you should be able to see how much snow we got. It is just so pretty!

My Latest Wild Adventure

2010-12-11T09:28:00.001-05:00

Sorry I've been incommunicado for the last week, I've had quite an adventure. My elbow was a bit swollen, red and a little sore last Friday so my doctor put me on antibiotics and told me if I developed a fever to call immediately. My sister was coming to visit on Saturday. After I got up and got it together on Saturday I took my temperature just because he said to watch it, not thinking I actually had one - well I did and it was fairly high, but I tend to run high fevers so I wasn't terribly concerned. Since it was the weekend I put in a page to whoever was on call, shortly after my sister arrived, he called me back and instructed me to go to the emergency room! After about 30 minutes of driving. And stops at several wrong buildings, we finally arrived at the ER. I was there for about 6 hours having all kinds of tests, they finally decided what he had thought when he sent me over, I needed IV antibiotics, so they started those and admitted me to the hospital. I was a bit stunned considering prior to taking my temperature I thought I was fine. Guess that's why I'm not a doctor :-). I was quite impressed with how thorough they were, they leave no stone unturned! After I was admitted, they did even more tests. The most stocking part of all this, at least for me because until all of this started I had never been in a hospital, was how little rest you get. I've always thought of libraries for sick people, a place where you whisper and be very quiet and the patients rest - they are nothing like that! They're fairly noisy but the big thing is they wake you up all night long to do tests, I was extremely fortunate, the techs who came around every few hours to check my vital signs would come and take mine early if it was only 30 minutes or so before the scheduled time because they knew I was awake because they just changed my IV or did blood work I thought that was so considerate.

I saw at least 8 different doctors during my 3 day stay, which I find amazing, everyone here is specialized but they confer with each other to make sure they are giving the patient the best possible care and with that many opinions I felt quite comfortable they were on top of anything I needed. It wasn't a bad experience at all, except it occurred during my sister's visit. They never found anything, like an infection, causing the fever, but apparently just having cancer can cause fevers, but I feel much better knowing they checked me from head to toe so that's probably all it is. I was still running fevers when I got home so I just have to take Tylenol. They seem to have gradually made their way down so when I run one it's just slightly over normal, which is great. I had been a bit tired for the past few days, from the fevers, I'm sure, but today I feel pretty much back to normal.

Here's the best thing, it snowed, we probably have about a foot in the courtyard, it's almost to the seat of the chairs! I doubt very many people up here find that exciting, but for someone from Florida, it's great, especially at the holidays! The beginning of the week we're supposed to get a lot of snow, something called the Lake Effect and it will be in the teens with 30 mile an hour winds and a windchill around zero - so I plan to be watching all the snow out my window while I stay nice and toasty! My sister got me all stocked up, she lives in upstate New York, so she knows about not being able to get out when there's a big snow storm. Apparently there is a Nor-Easter coming through her place and then here contributing to next weeks weather. Doesn't bother me, Hallmark channel is running Christmas programs almost 24/7 - what more can you ask for? I'm going to try to get some good pictures of the snow and I'll upload them - it's sooooo pretty! It's not icy this week, it's more like powder, so this is giving me time to relearn how to walk around in it! I haven't spent much time in snow in a long time, this way I'll be prepared for next week when it's icy snow!

There's something interesting I've noticed, quite a few women wear fur coats! I was surprised, of course I don't see that in Florida, but seems like I was always hearing about PETA people throwing red paint on people in fur! So either they stopped, they don't do that in Ohio or all these coats are faux fur, be interesting to know which one. As they say, inquiring minds want to know :-)! Well, I think I'm going to sign off now, I'll be back later. I've missed you guys, thanks again for all the prayers, love & support!

Last Treatment this Round

2010-12-02T14:20:00.001-05:00

Today (actually right now) is my third/last treatment of this round. I have a treatment each week for three weeks then the fourth week off, then start round two. The really amazing thing is, so far, I have no side effects except after I brush my teeth, they don't feel slick/shiny and clean - but I can certainly handle that! I am just so fortunate and extremely grateful - everything is just moving along beautifully!

We are having snow flurries, it's just a very light dusting so it's beautiful to watch but it doesn't cause problems with traffic or getting around. I love it! I have always loved Christmas, I wait all year for it. I believe this may be my most meaningful Christmas so far. I have to admit that in the past I got so caught up with decorating, parties and finding the perfect presents that I lost sight of what Christmas is all about. This experience has put me in a situation where most of those distractions have been removed. I bought a few gifts earlier in the year and will pick up a few more things, but nothing like in years past, this year I've been slowed down enough to remember what Christmas is really all about and to take the time to really appreciate and be grateful for the incredible gift God gave us. This is another gift I've received from the cancer. It's really amazing the way they gifts just keep coming! I'm just so grateful for all of this. I'm sure some of you probably think I'm crazy, because if I were in your position that's what I would have been thinking before all this happened; but now everything has changed it's as if my life began on October 25! Instead of choosing to accept a death sentence I chose to begin a new life, although I had Divine help sent thru all of you - because I had no idea the beautiful journey I was beginning! Everyday is a new and wonderful adventure, it's absolutely incredible!

Today I feel fantastic, I basically did nothing but sleep for the past two days and that's obviously exactly what I needed because I woke up early feeling refreshed this morning! I've decided I need to start writing down everything I'm doing in addition to my medical treatments; my nutritional supplements, theta healing, green drinks, pranayama, gratitude practice, etc... Because I believe it's those things that are the reason I haven't experienced any side effects, this way maybe somebody else could benefit the same way! Whatever happens to each of us, if we can share the expeience to help others it makes it more meaningful! Something I've learned from an experience and tell you (so you don't need to go through the steps of learning it yourself) frees you up to learn something new that you can pass on to the next person. We become a chain, bonded to each other through shared experiences, it's quite beautiful.

I think my pre-meeds are kicking in because I'm starting to doze off, so before I drift off to lala land I'm going to say good day and sign off, I'll be back tomorrow. Ciao!

Lazy Lazy Day

2010-12-01T20:18:00.000-05:00

This is going to be a very short blog today. This is my rest day - I slept for 16 hours, woke up at noon, finally got up and took a shower at 3, then laid back down and watched a Christmas movie until 6 so I've been out of the bed for about 2 hours including my shower! Needless to say I haven't done much today, but that's OK because I need to get me rest. Here's the cool part - I was checking the weather on my phone so I would know what to wear to go for my chemo treatment tomorrow - it said Wednesday & Thursday would be high 33 and low 28 and it showed snow - so I go over to the window and open the blinds and there's snow in the courtyard! Not a lot but some anyway, so that is cool. I'll see how much it snows tomorrow!

I'm actually looking forward to my chemo treatment, it's very relaxing because of the benadryl they give you as premeds - I go to sleep for most of it. Of course I have to wonder how much can I possible sleep since I'm getting ready to go back to bed now. So I hope to blog a lot more tomorrow while I'm having my chemo. Good night.

Lazy Day

2010-11-30T15:31:00.000-05:00

Somehow this seems like a lazy Sunday, it's raining (wish it would snow, but it's too warm)and I didn't get out of my pajamas until after 1 PM! I'm keeping my schedule empty for today. I'm just going to take it easy and probably do nothing today. It seems like every day I have a million things to do and I'm going all day long, so this is my present to myself chill out day.

I'm rather amazed at how differently things affect me now, or rather don't affect me. When I was wandering all over this campus lost yesterday, in the past I would have been stressed, frightened, just beside myself, the only issue this time was exhaustion! I wasn't frightened or upset, I was just beginning to get very tired and wanted to get back so I could sit down and rest. There has been a complete shift in the way I think, which is pretty amazing. The best part is fear seems to have been removed from my reality. Fear has always been the dominant emotion in my life and now, it is as though it doesn't exist. Having the fear removed is so freeing, it's as if a weight has been lifted. I never realized how much energy it took to maintain the fear in my life, but now that I'm experiencing it from the other side, I see that I expended tremendous amounts of energy to fear. Just think how much more we could accomplish if we didn't waste tremendous amounts energy on negative emotions! The worst part is, most of us don't even realize we're wasting all this energy. Well, I'm going to leave you with that thought. Hope you all have a great day, I certainly intend to!

Lost Again

2010-11-29T19:03:00.000-05:00

I got lost today, when I came out of the post office, I made a right instead of a left, so although I was 2 small blocks from where I was going, I toured the entire Cleveland Clinic. I must have wandered for 4-5 miles, finally I saw a police officer in his car and asked him how to get back to the main building - turns out I just had to walk in the door next to me go to the end of the hall and make a left! Thank God he was sitting there or I would still be wandering around! But boy did I get great exercise! I would have never done that much walking otherwise, but I know it was good for me. Plus, I was so relaxed from my Reflexology treatment, that was great! Trying to decide what treatment I'll do next, maybe the Reflexology again, there are a lot of choices, you know how that is - too many choices you can't make up your mind! :-) I'll manage though.

They put up the Christmas Trees over the weekend, they are so pretty, and GREEN! They're decorated with white balls that say Cleveland Clinic, and then they are covered with all different shapes of mirrors which reflect the light coming from the ceiling lights - so the trees sparkle and appear to have lights, but they don't, it's really cool. I took some pictures, they don't really do them justice, but hopefully you'll get the idea.

I'll be back in the morning, but for now, I'm going to be! Can't believe I'm going to bed so early, but there's no need staying up if I'm tired, so I'm not going to! In the past I would push myself too much, but that's foolish, so I'm being more responsible! Good night and sweet dreams!

Reflexology this Morning

2010-11-29T07:24:00.000-05:00

Sorry I didn't get back with you guys yesterday. It seems like everything takes longer than I anticipate, but that's nothing new, I always say I'll be back in a minute to Bharata when I'm going to the grocery or whatever and he tells me I've never gone anywhere and been back in a minute, I need to remove the phrase from my vocabulary! I am very proud of myself, I walked 2 miles yesterday and it didn't seem like I walked much at all, because I was distracted looking at things. This is one of those times when distractions are a good thing! When I do laps around the mezzanine I am well aware of how much I'm walking, that's probably how athletes feel when the coach makes them do laps! Don't you love it, I'm comparing myself to an athlete! :-)

This is going to be a very short blog this morning, because I'm waiting for the bus and for some reason I could get Google to tell me when it was coming, so I'm sort of winging it! Luckily the stop is right in front of Bruegger's Bagels and there are windows on the front, because according to my weather for Cleveland it's 33 degrees out there! That's chilly for a Florida girl! :-). I'm rather enjoying the cold weather though, it's a nice change. Plus, it's not like I have to get up everyday and venture out to work or school. That's another benefit of the bus, you don't have to scrape ice off the windshield! Talk later!

An Epiphany

2010-11-28T10:09:00.000-05:00

Another epiphany, I've finally become one with my spiritual name and have come to understand the significance of a Buddhist saying that always resonated with me. My spiritual name is Padma, which means lotus flower, several years ago I was reading a book when I came across this Buddhist saying "May we all live like the lotus, at home in the muddy water." It struck me as so profound on a personal level, but I thought it was something to aspire towards just like anyone else might do. Now I get it. Padma is now at home in the muddy water. It's so fascinating to watch all the loose ends that are floating around in my life suddenly begin aligning themselves and starting to make so many things so clear.

It's starting to get chilly here, today the high is 41 and the low will be 33, so it's definitely hat weather! I wore the fuzzy one the social worker gave me yesterday - now is this me or what?

I'm going to make a trek to Whole Foods in a little while. I can walk all around the store and get my exercise in and it's more interesting than just making laps on the mezzanine. I also need to pick up some more kale for my green drinks. I figure today will be a good day since tomorrow I go in the opposite direction, to go to the clinic for a reflexology appointment. I'm getting better at the buses, I found out the reason there aren't any schedules around for my routes is because they are making changes that should be out in a couple of weeks. The drivers are so helpful and patient the schedules aren't really necessary, well I guess they are to be at the stop at the correct time, but I get that off Google Transit. What did we ever do before the Internet? It's mind-boggling the resources we have at our fingertips. Remember in the "old days" when we had to go to the library and look something up rather than just Google it? Wow! I remember when we used typewriters with carbon paper to make a copy of something. Things have really changed!

I'll be back when I get home from Whole Foods! You guys have a great day!

Saturday's Here

2010-11-27T13:02:00.000-05:00

Sorry I didn't get back to you guys last night, but by the time I got home put away my shopping, did my pranayama, took my vitamins and had dinner, I was too tired, so I just went to bed! I had a very productive day, though, got all my Mother-in-law's Christmas gifts. Macy's was having an incredible sale and they not only have petites, but they carry styles for women over 20, so between Macy's & JoAnn's, plus what I already had purchased at home, she's all set! I did learn one thing, instead of going to every store (which I pretty much did) it's better to do maybe one a day or something, it's a pain to have all these shopping bags on the bus, they're very cumbersome! But I managed, what kind of world class shopper would I be if I couldn't get the stuff home?

I spent a long time talking to a mentally challenged young man at the bus stop, it made me realize I need to be more aware of the people around me. I think he was very lonely and it really seemed to make a big difference for him to have someone just talk to him and be facused on him and interested in what he was saying. It just goes to show, you never know how the simplest act can brighten someone's life. He wanted to know if I knew about jets, apparently he's interested in hearing about flying, unfortunately all I knew was that Neil flys them! I told him I watch for him when I'm out, so I'm going to get some facts from Neil and memorize them, just in case I see him again. It's a good thing we were sitting on a bench, because he thought I was in my 30's like him, when I told him I was 53 I thought he was going to fall off the bench! Hey, works for me if people think I'm in my 30's! It made me start thinking, there are probably some older people in my building who live alone and are lonely, so I have to start paying more attention. There's a lot to be said for not getting caught up un yourself and focusing on others, it's not only good for them, it's extremely beneficial for me as well. I think learning to be more aware and attentive to the needs of others is another one of the gifts I have received. I had chosen to see myself as a relatively good person who was concerned about others, but I see now that I was rather self-absorbed, so it's great that I have this opportunity to change that. I would love to be able to experience the world through Mother Teresa's eyes, seeing only the Divine in people and being selfless enough to focus on their needs and best interests rather than my own. I've always admired her, but never really thought there was a chance to experience life as she did, but now, I feel like the possibility is there I simply have to choose to take it and go with it. I'll keep you posted on my progress. It really feels good to have a higher goal or purpose rather than just concerning myself with feeling good for the moment because of all these worldly distractions. I think this is leading me toward a goal I've had for a very long time, but never really pursued, somehow making this world a better place. Now I guess I just need to find the way in which I'm able to do that. I have no doubt, that if I just sit quietly and listen, God will show me exactly what to do! The problem in the past has always been not being quiet and not listening, but that's changing! I'm going to sign off now, I'll try to post again later. Hope all of you have a fantastic Saturday!

Black Friday

2010-11-26T09:53:00.000-05:00

I'm going to fulfill my duty as a red blooded American by starting my Christmas shopping today! Actually I started during the summer, but today seems to be when they start counting it towards meeting the goals set for the holiday season. The biggest thing is to get the presents for my mother-in-law so I can send them to Bharata, he can wrap them and take them to her before he comes up here for Christmas. The stores are like my mezzanine, they provide a great place to walk. I have to admit, shopping doesn't hold the lure it use to, now it's the end result rather than looking forward to the act itself! Amazing the changes all this has had on me. I found these really cool books at Hallmark, you read the story and it records your voice on each page doing that. I have one for each of the two girls I sponsor through the Christian Children's Fund. I know they won't understand the words because it's in English and one is in Bolivia and the other India, but I think it will provide a connection if they can hear my voice as they page through and look at the pictures. We don't always need to speak the same language to communicate. I was also finally able to find postcards for them, The Alcazar has a great selection, but so far no place else in town seems to deal in postcards! I always send them a postcard from wherever I go, I know I use to love getting things like that when I was a child, so I've deduced this is a universal truth for children. I wouldn't make a very good researcher I don't have a worthwhile size group from which I determined this! :-).

I just can't get over how good I feel, seems like everyday I feel stronger and better, it's great! I certainly don't feel like I'm dying, I don't really even feel sick and since as far as I'm concerned what you believe plays a huge part in your recovery from illness, I'm in great shape! So far I don't feel any side effects from the chemotherapy, in fact I actually feel like I'm improving from it already, I don't know if that's possible, but it certainly seems that way. This is why I decided to stay up here for the chemotherapy, I really have complete faith in my doctor and on top of that he's a really nice person and that's important. Of course you all keep hearing this, but everyone here is incredibly nice, it just continues to amaze me.

I've decided after I get home, I'm going to have more get togethers or whatever you might call them. It seems like I'm always thinking about doing it, but just get caught up in the minutiae of everyday life and don't make the time. Staying connected to the people in your life makes a huge difference in the overall quality. I think I'm finally seeing what's really important, rather than letting all these little unimportant details fill up my life and keep me distracted. I can create my own community, even in the burbs! It's foolish to sit and think that can't exist because we don't walk to the grocery store! Life can be anything we decide to make it and I intend to make mine incredible! It can be anything I imagine and as the book said, "Think Big" so that's what I intend to do! No more wasting time and energy worrying about a piece of paper being out of place or whatever, it's time to enjoy all the blessings I have and share them with all the people in my life! I've spent my life waiting for the perfect time to start living, well, there is no "perfect" time, the time is now. Just do it, enjoy everyday with any little bumps that may come along, after all, I learned firsthand the little (or not so little) bumps can be some of our greatest blessings. Well, I'm going to sign off now, I'll update you on my Black Friday contribution when I get home! Have a fantastic day and enjoy every little thing that happens, you never know how special it may turn out to be!

Happy Thanksgiving

2010-11-25T21:16:00.000-05:00

I hope all of you had as wonderful a Thanksgiving as I did. Obviously this was a rather special one for me :-)
Today has been doubly great, because I seem to have so much more energy than I usually do. I've been going all day, just now slowed down enough to do my blog and yet I'm not exhausted, I'm not really even tired. I think part of this is because I'm doing more pranayama and I walked a mile today - the exercise gets me going. I found a great way to get my walking in from one of my neighbors. I do laps around the second floor mezzanine, it's great, that way I'm never far from my room, there are chairs & sofas in case I were to need a rest, plus the weather doesn't effect me. Today it was cold and rainy so walking outside wasn't an option, but inside it was perfect! I even found a free pedometer application for the iphone, so I know how far I've walked and how long.

I heard Lifetime was having a movie marathon today and tomorrow and had planned to see if any of the movies were Christmas shows, but I didn't even have time for that, I was just too busy! Go figure! I'm a girl who loves her Christmas shows, so we're talking I was busy not to be able to see if any of the movies were Christmas movies! I feel like I'm really getting back to normal. For the past month, I haven't done much and that in itself really drags you down. So it's great that I'm moving again, it really feels good.

I started reading a wonderful book, and it's really appropriate for today: "Living Life as a Thank You" it's really inspiring and some of the stories really parallel my own. I highly recommend it if anyone's interested. I feel very grateful for the amazing outpouring of prayers, love, advice, aneqdotes, inspiring stories, hats, earrings and lists of resources, I'm overwhelmed by it all and I hope to find my unique way to give back. So, if any of you have any suggestions, I'd love to hear them. This not only warms my heart, it restores my faith in humanity. Every day we're inundated with all the bad that's happening in the world, but there's so much good happening that we just don't hear about - we really need to focus on the good it's so much more uplifting and inspiring. All the love I'm receiving makes me strive to be a better person, this really is how each of us can make the world a better place.

It's interesting, I don't think in terms of "if" I get better, it's "when" I get better and when that happens (which it's happening now, it's a process) but I know that I have something to give and discovering what exactly that is and then giving it is what I have to do, I feel like somehow it's my destiny and this cancer is taking me on a journey to make this discovery. It's already altering the way I look at life in such a way that I'm open to discovering and following whatever this destiny of mine is. It just keeps amazing me how beautiful an experience this is when in the past I would never have considered describing it in that way. Ah, what a difference perspective can make.

Well, once again, I will bid you good night. Sweet dreams. I look forward to our time together tomorrow.

Treatment #2

2010-11-24T15:10:00.000-05:00

I'm sitting here in my recliner with one of those tables that slides over my lap, it's just like downtown! I'm telling you this because the Benadryl may make me a bit loopy!

I realized this morning, now that I've moved th the Alcazar, it reminds me of the time I spent in San Francisco last year. There's a sense of community, it's a neighborhood where people connect and interact with each other. I really like it, I'm part of something bigger than myself and that's great! Taking the bus was great, very easy to get around, everyone was both nice and helpful and the best part is you're connected. That's one of the drawbacks of living in the burbs, we tend to be so isolated. At home I find myself leaving my house, getting into the car and going to my destination, I do whatever I went for and then return home the same way. I say hello to my neighbors, but there isn't much interaction, I don't feel connected, I find I feel isolated. The interesting part is I'm not really aware of it until I'm someplace like this which is in sharp contrast to it. It's funny, sad really, that I was almost sleep walking through my life, everyday living had basically become a set of habits I wasn't really aware of I just muddled through each day, oblivious to all the wonderful possibilities! A lot of us exist that way and miss out on so much! This is just another way my cancer really is a very precious gift, because it's giving me a whole new view on life! It just goes to show we never really know what is going to be a blessing, we just need to stay open to the possibilities and the universe will give us everything we need! On that note I'm going to sign off, because I'm starting to get drowsy! Have a great afternoon and evening, I'll be back tomorrow!

Can't Help Laughing

2010-11-23T21:50:00.000-05:00

As I said earlier, I had a great day today. Well, after my last post, I weent for a walk to locate the bus stop. According to Google Transit, it is located on the corner of Cedar & Grandview, so I assumed that was the street Starbuck's is on the corner of. Well, that's not Grandview, so I continued walking but as far as I could see up ahead, there was no street called Grandview. I was preparing myself for an extremely long walk, when I got to Chase Bank, which seemed sort of far away when we were driving, but it was no where by foot, and the bus stop sign was right across the street! Piece of cake I thought, this is no problem. I turned around and headed back toward my corner (with the bagel shop) and just as I start to cross the side street, I look up and right in front of the bagel shop on my corner, barely a hop skip and a jump from my apartment building is a bus stop sign! I just looked at it and started laughing! Here I was preparing for a long walk, searching for the elusive bus stop down the street when theres one practically outside the front door, it was too much! But that makes the whole bus thing a piece of cake! So I'm cool with that!

It was an absolutely exquisite day today, I took a picture, but I'm not sure the picture really conveys how crisp and beautiful a day it was! I'm heading to Dave's Market which is straight ahead in the picture.

Oh, I also took a quick snap of the lobby, just so you guys can see how pretty it is. They had a musical concert yesterday and another one today, so this may be a daily thing, I'm going to have to check into that. It's really nice though, there's a music room off the lobby where they hold them, but the music can be heard in the lobby and upstairs on my floor because there's an open mezzanine area. I really enjoy it, it's beautiful classical music. What more can I ask for? Not a thing!

Well, I'm going to bid you good night, it's getting way past my bedtime! I'll talk to you again tomorrow. I'm looking forward to having my next treatment tomorrow, I really feel very positive about it! Sweet dreams.

Another Beautiful Day

2010-11-23T12:02:00.000-05:00

It' an absolutely beautiful day. The air is crisp & brisk, not too cold, perfect for a walk, which I'm getting ready to go for. I was amazed last night, I went to Target and walked around for a couple of hours (it was raing outside so I couldn't just go for a walk) I felt great after that. My legs didn't feel 100% before I went, but they were great afterward, so now that I realize how good the walking is for me I'm making sure to do a couple of walks a day and it's great when the weather is this beautiful!

I walk to the bagel shop on the corner to blog, it's great because the music they play is soft rock that I really like. So it's a win win, I'm out seeing people, getting fresh air & exercise, great music and I get to talk to all of you! What more could a girl ask for? I'm going to reactivate my Facebook account, so I can follow all the stuff on Bharata's page. I just want to let everyone know, I never really figured out how it works, so don't be offended if you send me a message or something and I don't respond, I just haven't figured it out! That's actually why I went inactive before, I was afraid people were getting upset because I wasn't responding, but it was just too confusing - apparently social networking is too high tech for me! We'll see what happens this time! This can be a test of whether or not you can teach an old dog new tricks :-)

Bharata & I don't watch TV, in fact we don't even have a TV, we gave it away. So basically I haven't watched TV for 10 years, but I love Christmas shows & movies, so I figured they'll be starting this weekend. I can't imagine channel surfing to see what's on, so I've been trying to find a TV Guide (which were everywhere 10 years ago) they're harder to find than a winning lottery ticket! Is TV Guide ( the small weekly magazine book) still being published or am I chasing a ghost from the past? I guess maybe people are into channel surfing these days and don't need guides, who knows!

I'm getting ready to head down the street towards Starbucks, the bus stop is down there someplace according to Google Transit. I'm thinking about just going for a bus ride to check it out. Have to decide which direction to head. The funny part is I'll be heading right or left, I have no concept of easy vs. West, north or south - I'm usually not to bad with directions like that, but I think it's just I'm not really oriented to the middle of the country, even on paper. I have a vague concept of where Ohio is, but It isn't like being on the east or west coast, which I'm familiar with, so I think that's the problem. This way it makes me feel better about it anyway! :-)

Well, I'm going to head out now and get my exercise and fresh air. I really think with the combination of congenital and alternative treatments, I'm going to beat this. I believe it just goes to show sometimes you need both, not just one or the other. I guess part of what this is teaching me is to be open to everything, sometimes I can get locked into one particular headspace and miss the big picture. There are just so many incredible lessons I'm learning, which are really enriching my life. This truly is a fantastic growth opportunity! So much for my mantra "I don't want to grow any more" God has other ideas! I have to admit, though, that I do want to grow more now that I'm getting a glimpse of where that growth is taking me! Perfect example of missing the big picture, when I was locked into the mindset I didn't want to grow because it was difficult. Just think of all the incredible experiences and new way of seeing and experiencing life I would have missed out on. That really could only be described as tragic! So do try to keep your minds and hearts open to all the endless possibilities that are out there! I'll be back later, have a fantastic day, I'm certainly going to!

My Pilgramige

2010-11-22T13:27:00.000-05:00

I just figured out, this is my Pilgramige! Some people go to Jerusaleum, others to the Pyrenes, me - I get cancer and go to the Cleveland Clinic! This is the way I need to experience it, for whatever reason, so that's good. This experience is bringing me closer to God and after all that's the entire purpose for any of us to exist - to merge back into the Divine within us, thereby becoming one with God. There's no higher purpose to aspire to than that, so once again I'm shown what a precious gift this is. I am so grateful for all of you helping me to recognize this. It's ironic, when I was first diagnosed with breast cancer in May of 2009, I believed without a doubt that I would be dead in June of 2010 because both of my parents died 11 months after their diagnosis. I had absolutely no doubt about this, which is why I went to stay at the Sivananda Yoga Center in San Francisco with Swami Padma last fall. The spiritual discipline I received there pulled me out of that belief and Swami Padma is the one who introduced me to Theta Healing which has continued my journey away from the old beliefs. Here comes the ironic part - now when the situation is much graver and the doctors at home were ready to give up on me, I had transcended those beliefs enough to say, I'm not going to just sit back and accept your prognosis - I'm going for it! Let's face it, not one of us knows how long we have, all we really have is this very minute, so savor it for all it's worth and don't give a thought to a minute, an hour, a week or whatever from now because none of that exists at this point in time! I'm amazed I've been able to stay pretty focused in the moment, which is incredible, because I feel good, things are going great, in this moment I have no problems so there's no reason for me to be upset or feel anything negative under those conditions! Pretty awesome isn't it! I can't tell you how hard I've tried to experience this over the years by what would seem to be easier means, but I couldn't get there, I neded this experience to take me there. Once again we're back to the precious gift - you just never know what the most significant events in our lives will be. Well, on that note I'm going to sign off and zip back to my apartment building before it starts raining again!

Buying Green Bananas

2010-11-21T23:44:00.000-05:00

Who says I can't buy green bananas? I'll do more than just that, so there!

The best part is I figured out how to add the photos - so that's pretty cool. Now I can start taking some pictures while I'm out and about and posting them. Afterall, now that Bharata went home I have to send him pictures or he won't have anything to paste on facebook! We can't have that, now can we :-)

It's funny, I get tired, fall asleep and then wake up in a few hours (ready to eat something) feeling pretty refreshed, then eat and go back to sleep. It seems to be working out well, so I'm not concerned about it, plus since I'm by myself now, I don't have to worry about disturbing anyone. Although, Bharata sleeps pretty soundly, so I don't think I really disturbed him.

There was an article about Gentle Yoga for people with chronic diseases in a health magazine at the Cleveland Clinic, so I think I'll give that a try. I'll let you know how it works. At this point, I wouldn't consider myself up for doing a full class, but I can handle these 8 postures easily, so should do a good job of releasing tension and relaxing me. Then it will be back to sleep! Although, I rather like the sleep part, there's a lot to be said for sleep, it's very restorative. In fact, I think I will do my postures now. So I will return in a little bit. That felt really good, I didn't realize how tight I am, but actually since all this started, I haven't really done much moving about so it's no wonder. Tomorrow, I'll take a little walk, they suggested I start doing that each day. In fact, I think I'll do some more pranayama before I go back to sleep. That will actually help me go back to sleep.

It's funny in an odd sort of way, the things we need to find balance in our lives! Obviously, I not one of these people who goes for the suble or easy way. I guess in looking at all this I'm more of a drama diva or something, because I've definately drawn a rather drastic method of finding balance into my life! Go figure! My advice to the rest of you is try meditation instead :-) But in all honesty, this is something that I needed for whatever reason and I'm just going to go with that. Somehow this is working for me and I believe I'll come out a stronger better person on the other side of it as long as I continue to embrace it as the gift I'm sure that it is. My second hope is that somehow by sharing my experiences with all of this, it may just make it easier for someone else out there going through the same thing now or in the future. Everything that happens to each of us is exactly what we need at the time, just never lose sight of that and it will all be OK, great actually! On that note, I again will bid you good night, sweet dreams! See you in the AM, but hopefully not too early!

I'm on My Own

2010-11-21T13:16:00.000-05:00

Bharata left this morning, so I am officially on my own. This is OK, I don't anticipate any problems, I even found the bus schedule, route #32 is my route, piece of cake - I catch it right in front of Starbucks and it goes to Whole Foods and University Commons shopping center, so it couldn't be easier. Best part is I can buy the monthly pass at Dave's Market which is right on the corner.

All in all, this is turning out to be a rather lazy day, I didn't even get up until almost 11AM, but that's good, I need to get my rest. I figure if I don't need to be up early I'll just sleep in and have more energy for the day. Sounds good to me anyway!

I was planning to take a little bus trip after I walk over to Dave's Market for a monthly pass. I also want to check out the market because it's so close for me to just bop over there for whatever I might need from the grocery. I thought at first it was a small neighborhood place, but apparently there are multiplt stores. Also, on closer inspection, it appears to be pretty good size, so we will see.

Well, I'm going to sign off now or the day will be over and I won't have even gotten dressed! Oh, but one last thing, so far I've met 4 of my neighbors and they are all incredibly nice, so I know this is where I'm supposed to be. Everything is just amazing, it's like I wake up each morning like a child filled with awe at everything that is happening. OK, now I really am going :-)

Another busy day

2010-11-20T20:28:00.000-05:00

We had another busy day - Bharata is leaving tomorrow, so we tried to get everything possible done today. This, of course, has worn us both out. But all in all, it was a good day. We got the Operation Christmas Child boxes dropped off and the women we met at the church drop-off were incredibly nice. They even gave me their phone number in case I need anything - I just can't believe what an unbelievable experience this is, every day! The church isn't too far away, by bus or something, so I'm hoping I'll be able to take a bus to services. Somehow this too seems to be a sign, telling me where I need to go and finally at this stage of my life, I not only recognize the signs, I follow them, which is a big part of what's carrying me through all of this so effortlessly.

Just an aside, tomorrow is the last day of collection for the shoebox gifts, "Operation Christmas Child" but I believe you may make a donation on "Samaratinspurse.org" website instead of packing a shoebox. It will bring Christmas joy to a child in some part of our world, letting them know there are people out there that care about them. I can tell you from my own recent personal experience, knowing there are people out there who care is a priceless feeling.

Well, it's getting late (for me anyway) so I'm going to sign off and go to sleep. I wish you all sweet dreams, I'll be back in the morning! Good night.

New Hair Day

2010-11-20T11:54:00.000-05:00

It's done, I now have a 1/2" buzz cut! I'll tell you what, I rather like it. Letting go of the hair is both freeing and empowering - I feel like GI Jane!!! Certainly if anybody can kick this disease, it's GI Jane - so watch out cancer, I'm coming after you! The other benefit is I don't have to spend all that time blow drying, just wash and go! Excellent! It's amazing the little things that can really get you going! It's funny because I planned on wearing a scarf or hat after I buzzed it off, but I like it so I don't want to cover it up! I'm trying to figure out how to upload a picture, so far haven't made much progress on that one. I'm thinking it may not be an option from the phone, still checking. I'll post again later and hopefully I'll figure out the picture thing! Have a fantastic day, I don't want to be the only one having such a great time!

Another Great Day

2010-11-19T20:44:00.000-05:00

Today was another great day. I'm settled into my apartment, it's very warm and homey, not like being in the hotel and a third of the cost! Talk about a deal!!! Everyone is really nice here, so I think this is the right place for me to be, very uplifting. I am still amazed each day with what an awesome experience this is. If someone had told me it was going to be awesome I would have thought they were crazy, but it really has turned out that way! The peace and stillness that comes from surrendering to the Universe is absolutely incredible, I feel like I move through each day in a state of amazement. It truley is a beautiful experience.

Tonight was supposed to be haircut night, but we're both so tired, I think we'll do it in the AM! I have about decided to have Bharata give me a buzz cut like his. I'll wear that for about a week and then shave it and go with the henna tattoo! That way I have a little transition! I also have to check with Manju, but I'm sure she can do the henna once we decide on the designs. Actually, I had about decided I would need to go with some of the designs that came in the kit, but I will have time to make my own designs for her to use! Wow, this is awesome, I don't know why I didn't think about it before! Now I'm getting excited! Well, it will all be on Facebook and tomorrow I'll need to figure out how to post pictures on my blog, using my phone, so I can document everything after Bharata leaves! I'll be a busy girl tomorrow. On that note, I'm going to say good night! Be back tomorrow sans hair :-)

I have an apartment!

2010-11-18T18:24:00.000-05:00

I found an effiency apartment in The Alcazar, which is now on the National Register of historic places. It's a beautiful building - check their website: www.thealcazar.com
Bob Hope kept a suite here and rumor has it Cole Porter was in residence when he wrote his hit "Night and Day" seems to be a very eclectic, creative sort of place. I think I'll be very comfortable here. It's also a fraction of what It would cost to stay in the hotel and I have more space and a view of the beautiful courtyard instead of a parking lot and there is a fireplace in the lobby, I hope it gets cold enough for a fire soon! I just love sitting in front of a fire and now that I knit, I can sit in front of the fire and knit. How cool (make that warm) is that!

All in all I had a really good day, got tired, but they said to expect that, so I took a nap and now I feel great. I can go for the naps, use to take them all the time and it was wonderful! So that's definately a plus for me, not a negative ;-)

I just wanted to check in and give you a little update, gotta run so I can get a few more things taken care of before dinner. Everything is still revolving around food!

I hate to end on a sad note, but I think it's something important for us all to think about. I was told a story today about a young woman diagnosed with brain cancer and given 2 weeks to live. The doctors told her to get someone to come stay with her for her last two weeks, which her mother did. Two weeks and one day later she was dead. I was given the same prognosis but I chose not to believe it and I can only wonder whether she might still be with us if she didn't believe it and looked for options???? So what I take from this is never give up! Bharata tells me I have the right stuff. Apparently there was a book written some years ago about pilots who tested new planes, they had a checklist and they were going through their checklist as they hit the ground, because they had the Right Stuff! Well, you can be sure I'm not going to sit back and let this disease take me - I'll be going through my checklist and quite frankly I intend to conquer the disease, but that of course is up to a higher power! We all need to always stay positive and never give up, don't go down without a fight! Believing is over half the battle, I personally don't think there's much (other than God of course) that's more powerful than the human mind, we just don't tap into a fraction of it's power. On that note I'm saying good night. I thank you all again for all the prayers and love you're sending, I've never felt so loved in all my life!

I Have Begun

2010-11-17T13:56:00.000-05:00

OK, I have my IV and am just waiting for the pharmacy to finish mixing my drugs. To think, silly me figured they just grabbed a bag out of the storage closet! I learn something new everyday! Today has been a really positive experience and I'm really feeling great about everything. I'm still amazed by jet how positive and uplifting this entire experience is - It still sort of blows me away, but that's cool! I've sent Bharata to Barnes and Noble for a henna kit! I thnk he's going to shave my head tonight, which as weird as this sounds, is kind of exciting! Is that weird or what? Not that I really care, it's an incredibly freeing feeling to let go of all these attachments that used to run my life. I'm hoping this kit has stencils or something even the 2 of us can handle easily, we'll see. Just keep an eye on my blog or facebook, there will be pictures!!!

I've almost finished my Christmas boxes to be sent to Haiti. I just have to pick up a few more little things and write each child a note. I also bought 2 Hallmark recordable books to send to my 2 Christian Childrens Fund kids for Christmas. That way as I read the story, they hear it in my voice! Very cool idea!

Well, wish I could write more, but the premeds have Benedryal in it and that's beginning to make me drousie!!!! Will try to post again later this afternoon. The main thing is, don't get upset and worry about me. I'm exactly where I need to be, doing what I need to be doing at this point in time! Life is Good, as they say - although, I would say Life is Great!!!! So have a fantastic day and know I'm doing the same! It's hard to believe getting chemo could be such fun! That really does sound a bit wacko, doesn't it??? Oh well, worrying about what other peopl think is getting to be an enormous energy drain, one that I'm over! I've wasted enough of my time and energy on this for way too long! So I'm done with it, time to move on to more worthwhile pursuits - this is such a great feeling! Well, gotta go before I fall asleep! Hang in there and please keep those prayers coming.

Better than Disney

2010-11-16T13:00:00.000-05:00

I know Walt wouldn't want to hear this, and you're probably going to think I'm crazy, but as I was laying in the CT Scan this morning, I realized that I'm having a much better time here than I had when I went to Disney World! It's both interesting and educational, almost like one of those movies where you tour the body or something. I'm exposed to al these different tests and procedures and everyone is happy to answer your questions and explain things, it's cool. It actually is like I'm on vacation - I'm having a good time. Let's face it, if you have to go through something, you might as well have a great time doing it, regardless what it is and that's what I'm doing! I am a little disappointed that the radioactive dye for my CT scan didn't make me glow in the dark. I figured we could close the blackout curtains at the hotel and Bharata could take some really cool photos for Facebook, but it doesn't work that way, I don't glow in the dark! Shucks!!!! Will have to come up with some alternate cool photo opportunity.

So far they have taken us early for every appointment today, it's amazing, and on every desk in this place, there are signs "if you've waited more than 15 minutes notify someone" where else would you ever see those? This is just such an incredible experience, I just can't get over it, it's better than going on a cruise. Bharata and I are spending some great quality time together, as well. Our time together is of a much higher quality than when we go on vacation or something, there just seem to be all sorts of silver lining. Just goes to show you, we never know how positive inexperience can be if we judge it at surface value, rather than allowing ourselves to fully experience it.

I hope you are all still keeping Bil in your prayers, he's having his heart surgery today. I also heard about a really awesome project - Operation Christmas Child, you fill a shoebox with gifts for needy children, this years target is Haiti. November 15-22 or something is national collection week, so Im going to find out where I can get some of their shoeboxes and put together a few, that should be fun and it will give a child a happy Christmas memory so it's a win win situation. If you're interested, do a google search for Operation Christmas Child. I saw it on CNN while I was waiting for my scan. Gotta run, will try to post again later. Hope you all have as great a day as I'm having! Ciao!

One Last Thing

2010-11-15T21:04:00.000-05:00

I almost forgot - the chemotherapy will most likely make my hair fall out, so I'm seriously thinking about shaving my head - why let the chemotherapy take my hair when I can choose to let it go? Here's the best part - I'm thinking if I shave it, I can get a henna tattoo or whatever they call it where they paint designs with henna! Doesn't that sound cool or am I crazy or maybe a bit of both! I need to have a theme, so I was thinking "Celebrate Life" - so if you're out there Lucy, I want to hear from you - I know you had some ideas about something similar when my mom was sick, so I want your input! This could be a real empowering move on my part and hopefully if the design is moving enough, it will be an inspiration for others! This gives me something to think about, only problem is, I'm not sure about the shaved head for winter in Ohio part - but I'm going to give it some thought and see if the doctor is cool with it. I'll keep you posted, including pictures. Who knows this could be a new fashion trend, henna head designs! Do you think should try to get patent? That's all folks, chat tomorrow!

I Figured Out The Difference!

2010-11-15T20:13:00.002-05:00

It hit me at lunch today, what makes it soooo different up here. They treat you as a whole person, not just a doctor addressing his area of expertise or responsibility. When I first arrived and met with the Radiologist for the brain, he went out and rounded up one of his collegues who was a radiologist for breasts and had him come look at me. He in turn had his nurse schedule an appointment with a breast surgeon for the next day. This has been the rule, not the exception. I can't recall being in any type of medical facility where this it functions like this. I'm sure there are places, but vie never been there. I think that's why I feel so comfortable and safe. That's an incredibly important component as far as I'm concerned, because all the energy I would formerly be wasting worrying about what I needed to do, if I needed to see someone else, is this the right thing, all that sort of stuff, can now be used for healing, all I basically have to do is show up for my appointments. That I believe is what's making this incredibly easy, all I have to do is show up, what can be simpler than that?

We found this incredible food co-op today, not far from the hotel, it's amazing, all kinds of stuff and a lot of organic. They even have raw, organic pistachios which Ive never been able tomfind at home, I generally order them off the Internet. It probably sounds ridiculous, but this is really a very enjoyable experience - but I will admit given the choice I would be having it for some other reason :-). Alas, we can't choose the reasons so it is what it is, but I'm going tom enjoy it anyway. Certainly not everyone who finds themselves in my position is lucky enough to be experiencing what I am and for that I am ever so grateful! It's really amazing, because there are so many positive things that are coming from this, that it really is a blessing, I can see so many ways in which I'm growing and basically just approaching life differently that I know I wouldn't have been doing if God hadn't given me this particular growth opportunity. I find that as long as I stay focused on that, (all the positive aspects arising from my experience) it really isn't so bad. That probably sounds a bit strange, but it's true. In fact, my husband asked me today if I was afraid, and I'm someone who would have to say my life would best be described as being fearful for as long as I can remember, each day being a battle to face those fears and try to move through them, but I had to say, no, I'm not afraid! The answer schocked me, but I feel a new kind of peace from fear that I've never experienced before and I think if I'm honest, it makes this well worth it in some kind of strange way. I'm not sure that if it were possible to go back in time and not have any of this happen that I would change it because that feeling of peace from fear which I guess is more of a surrendering to God and accepting of whatever is, well, that is such a powerful, profound experience I don't think I would want to give it up. I believe it's a life changing experience which is carrying me closer to where we all ultimately are headed, to connect to the divine within ourselves. It is such an uplifting, blissful experience - I wish there was a way I could adequately describe it, but it's like if you've never tasted an apple, no matter what I say to describe it, you aren't going to know what it tastes like, just trust me when I say it's bliss.

On that note, I'm going to leave you tonight, but I do have a request - a friend of ours, Bill, from the Yoga Ranch in upstate New York is going to be having open heart surgery on Wednesday, so if you could add him to your prayers, that would be great!

Great New Day

2010-11-14T18:47:00.000-05:00

I had every intention of posting when I got back to the hotel yesterday afternoon, but it turned out to be a grueling day for both of us. We spent hours trying to download a GPS ap from iTunes and for some reason it wasn't working. It's ridiculous how something so stupid can cause such stress and be so draining. Another opportunity for growth! So much fun. We went to Manju's for dinner, that was very uplifting and relaxing so I slept really well (and rather late) so I feel great today. In fact, we had a fairly relaxing day today, just took it easy, which is what we both needed. Tomorrow should be a pretty low key day, as well. So I think well be in excellent shape for my tests on Tuesday! Most of Tuesday is booked with tests and then Wednesday I have my first chemotherapy treatment, it's funny, because I don't feel worried about it - I think this is what I need to be doing now and basically it's just a matter of putting one foot in front of the other and moving forward one step at a time, which is what I'm doing!

I still am just amazed & extremely grateful and happy at all the love and prayers that are coming my way - it's an amazing feeling to realize so many people care so much, I had no idea. This whole experience has been so phenomenal in so many ways it's just awesome. Of course, if I'm honest, I think I would have preferred some other catalyst for the experience, but I do know it's very important for my overall well being and growth/development in this life. Let's face it everything that happens and how we choose to handle it brings us that much closer to connecting to the divine within us. I'm trying to use those who have gone before me as an example, to follow there higher examples rather than succumbing to my lower nature. I feel like I can choose to embrace all of this with grace & presence thereby allowing it to be a very touching divine experience or I can choose to succumb to my attachments to this life and fight the experience which will make it not only negative, but frustrating and honestly it won't ultimately effect the destined outcome, so I figure I'll take the high road and trust myself in Gods care. This entire experience is actually very uplifting - which still sort of blows my mind, but I'm trying to stay focused on the positive energy which is permeating everything - my hope is that like Ghandi, I can keep God in the forefront of my thoughts & I believe that is achievable! It's really a pretty good feeling and being able to turn loose of so much of this by leaving myself in God's hands, which I feel in turn he has me in the care of doctors who know what I need - is incredibly freeing. I feel a tremendous weight has been removed from my shoulders. It's amazing the relief and calm that comes from it. Wow is all I can say!

I hope I haven't rambled too much, if I have, I'm sorry! Well, I'm going to sign off now, it's about time for another meal - that seems to be the main thing I do these days! I'll be back tomorrow, I promise! Have a great evening, I know I'm going to. Thanks again for all the love and prayers!

Another New Day

2010-11-12T08:54:00.000-05:00

Well, this morning we're doing our laundry and having breakfast before I have my Theta session. I'm really looking forward to that because the sessions are really productive! We're getting squared away with a new room today so I'll be settled for at least a month. I have a few more things to pick-up so I'll be set up like "home" (remember everythings relative) :-). I even found a Michaels Arts & Crafts on the map, so I can get a few small creative things to keep me busy in the room! Plus I'm downloading the last season of Monk from iTunes, I love that show! I even think I'll start knitting a scarf, it's very relaxing to just sit and knit, not to mention I'm sure I'll get some good use out of it here, certainly more so than in Florida!!!

My next little project is to figure out how to post pictures from my phone - I'm sure it's very simple, I just haven't done it so I need to figure it out! Will make things more interesting - but then I'm very visual so it may not be as important to some of you as it is me. But personally I think most people rather enjoy pictures, they just add another dimension. Well, I'll post again later, I don't want to be late for my Theta session. Hope you all have a great day, I certainly intend to! Given the choice of having a great day or not having a great day, why choose any thing less than spectaular? We've already determined that what really determines what we experience is not the experience itself, but rather the way in which we choose to look at it! So let's look at it positively!!! I'll update you later, have a fabulous day!

On to the Next Step

2010-11-11T14:07:00.001-05:00

Met with the oncologist this morning, like everyone else, he's extremely nice and comes highly recommended. He's ordering a few more scans and to begin chemotherapy, so I'm waiting for a call with the appointments as I write. We discussed that I could do this at home, but I feel in my heart this is where I need to be so I've opted to have treatments here. He did say they probably won't cure this, but rather it will be ongoing treatment, which is OK. He did however say it was not impossible and there are new drugs coming out and certainly there is hope and not to let go of that, which I'm not. It's kind of funny in a way, but I've been given so many gifts from God, all my life. Whether it was talents, abilities, opportunities, special people... I haven't always put these gifts to their best use, many in fact have been squandered, but I've always felt somewhere deep inside God had a purpose for me, I think this may be part of that purpose. Somehow this takes on a greater purpose if I can embrace the diagnose with all it's ups and downs and hopefully be an inspiration or example to others that this isn't the end of the world. It's merely one more step in my journey, something to be experienced, appreciated for what it's giving and teaching me and as a tool I can use to fully experience life and encourage others to do the same. None of us knows how long we have or in what capacity we will live our lives, all we really have is this very moment to savor and enjoy - whatever God blesses us with beyond right now, remains to be seen, for each of us. Isn't that part of what makes life interesting? Trusting in the greater good, embracing the , and just going with the flow? This whole concept is getting much easier since beginning my Theta Healing sessions - I really believe my work with Dr. Lisa is helping me through this in a very profound way. You can check it out if you're interest in knowing more about it.
www.leitheta.com
I believe this will play a major part in my being "cured" verses just being treated, the power of the mind is something that shouldn't be dismissed. The mind can tip the scales in either direction, so it only makes sense to tip them in the direction that best suits me. Well, in my opinion, ultimately it's up to God and I'm good with that. Sometimes it feels scary but that's just part of the experience. Well, were off to gather a few more clothing items I need and just wander around Cleveland. The weather is beautiful, my only complaint and it's a minor one, is that I can't find postcards and I always try to send my to CCF foster kids postcards from wherever I go. This time they may just have to get hallmark cards! If that's the worst that happens in their lives, it's OK! Well, I'm gonna run will post again later!
Ciao!

Step 3 Today

2010-11-11T08:43:00.000-05:00

Yesterday was a great day! I had planned to update my blog when I got home but I just didn't have the energy. It's funny, it was extremely positive but just the whole gamut of emotions we both went through was rather draining. I can only describe it as being on a roller coaster ri de for the last couple weeks and the constant surge of adrelenine is taxing to the body. Probably the biggest drain is the eating! I eat non-stop because of the steroids, and it's food I'm not accustomed to eating, it's like the way people feel after huge holiday meals, except it goes on all day & night with me! It takes a lot of energy to digest this much food!!! I can tell you one thing, those size 4 jeans don't stand a chance of zipping up anytime soon - thank God for elastic! Well enough about all of this! I'm really feeling pretty excited about getting home because I think one of the major (and there have been many) is that I'm going to get reconnected with my artistic side. That's really who I am and I had allowed myself to lose touch which means I wasn't fully living in myself so this will be great. There's a great video about the gifts of brain cancer by a woman named Stacy Kramer,
http://www.ted.com/talks/lang/eng/stacey_kramer_the_best_gift_i_ever_survived.html
It's strange because so much of what she talks about so parrells my experience, that I have to wonder are she and I just very similar or are the universal gifts that come with brain cancer and some people choose not to see or accept them? That gives me something to contemplate. I know there are gifts, silver linings, whatever you want to call them in everything even though we can't always see them, but it's really rewarding and inspiring when I'm able to get a glimpse and it makes everything so much easier when I'm able to embrace it with gratitude rather than react from a place of fear. Perspective is a funny thing, it totally changes an event's energy simply based on how you look at it - even though nothing else has changed! Wow! Well, on that note I'm going to sign off so I can get to my appointment with the oncologist! I'll post an update this afternoon when I'm through! Remember, always try to stay focused on the gifts!
Love to all and thanks again for all the love and prayers you're sending, they really are helping!

Step One Done

2010-11-08T21:26:00.000-05:00

Today was a great day, long and rather intense, but GOOD, really positive and uplifting. Considering last week I was being written off, now I have a follow up appointment for January 4,2011! That's pretty cool! So looks like I'll be celebrating my 54th birthday (1/5/11) in Cleveland and that works for me!

They say the journey of a thousand miles begins with one step, so far I feel I've taken more than one step - and I feel I'm well on my way. I didn't feel safe and confident like this in Florida, I just know in my heart, I'm where I need to be and feel like I'm getting exactly what I need. The really odd part for me is that I don't feel the need to second guess the doctors - I trust them implicitely, which takes a lot of stress, worry and fear off my shoulders and I must say that feels really good.

You can't imagine how kind and compassionate everyone here is, not just the hospital staff, but everyone - it's just really a special place for me to be right now. I also have to say, I have never felt so loved and cared about. I am so overwhelmed by all the prayers, love, good wishes, flowers, visitors and help that has been pouring forth from so many people. I just never realized so many people cared about me like that. It feels really good and I can't begin to say how much all of this has helped. It's wonderful, thank you all so very much!

I feel really inspired, I'm ready to sketch a few ideas of some art pieces to work on when I get home. I've allowed myself to loose touch with my creative side over the years, but I need to get back in touch, because that's really a critical part of who I am.

So often things happen in life that are devasting or seem so at the time, because of our frame of reference - but sometimes when we make it to the other side of the event, we can see a positive aspect which wasn't visible before. It was like that for me when my father died, it was devasting at the time, but looking back it was a pivotal point in my life. So I feel this experience too will be something like that. I believe this is making me appreciate life more and I hope that in some way my experience will help someone else who may have to face similar things. That by knowing that I got through it perhaps it will be easier for them, less frightening and alone. That will give this an even more positive aspect. Regardless, every thing is happening exactly as it needs too, even though I can't see the whole picture. This is where faith and trust come in! I'm sitting in God's hand and I know he has it all under control, so I don't need to worry about anything, just relax and go with the flow.

Speaking of going with the flow, I'm ready to go to bed and get some sleep. I just feel so good, happy, content - I know that I have everything I need and I'm very grateful for that. Life is good!

Goodnight, I'll be back in the morning. Sleep well, I know I will!

On my way

2010-11-08T12:48:00.000-05:00

OK, I've had my tests (MRI & CT scan) even got in a little nap! Now I have about 45 minutes or an hour before I start my gamma knife treatment! Then I'm off to Whole Foods for some Soy Decadent chocolate vegan ice cream - Yum!!! Not the best food choice but it's delisions! Gotta go for the gusto :-)! This is actually going very well, I feel very safe and in good hands, although convential medicine wasn't my strong suit before, somehow the combination of convential and alternative/energy work feels right and I feel confident and safe enough to follow their advice, which will make Joni very happy!

Hopefully, I'll have enough energy to go to Pier 1 which is next door to Whole Foods, didn't get there yesterday. Just in case they carry something in Cleveland that they don't have in West Palm Beach! Can't miss out on any of those deals I may really "need" love the use of that word! I have always used that in place of "want" somehow it justifies shopping :-). What can I say, I am working on toning down the shopping - and I have improved a lot! The truth is, it's a great diversion and as long as I know that's what it is, it's OK! Besides, I think I'm entitled to a diversion long about now! It's nice to just get away from it all and not need to think about everything for a little while.

I bought some markers and paper yesterday, so I plan to work on some designs for some art quilts/felted pieces I want to work on when I get home. Somehow I think angel wings and hearts will be taking on a prominent place in my work from now on. I really feel surrounded by love (hearts) and prayers/angels (wings) thanks to all of you! I can't express my gratitude to you all adequately, but I am so, so grateful. Thank you! I'm going to sign off for now, will try to post again tonight from the lobby! Love to you all and thank you spool much!

Tomorrow's the big day!

2010-11-07T21:57:00.000-05:00

We had a wonderful afternoon & evening with Manju! We're home now and I'm totally exhausted, I think when I close my eyes I will be asleep in seconds. But that's good, I want to be well rested for my adventure tomorrow. I wanted to say good night to all of you and thank you again for all the prayers and love I've been receiving. Without all of your prayers I don't think things would be happening the way they are. I plan to post after my surgery tomorrow, let you all know what it was like. So tomorrow marks a new beginning in my life. It's actually kind of exciting! Does that sound weird? Well, what can I say... I'm different :-). Anyway, time for sleep, love you all, thanks again for everything!

Green Bananas

2010-11-07T10:01:00.000-05:00

I have been terribly remiss about my blogging, haven't posted for months, but my intention is to start back now, and stay on a regular schedule! I think it will do me good to write about what's going on with me, but also there may be someone else out there that will benefit from some of my experiences - I know that I have certainly been quite fortunate to receive all the prayers, encouragement, advice and love from so many people. Many that I hadn't seen in quite some time, so I take that as a blessing also, this has reconnected me with people I had lost touch with, just bbecause sometimes I allow life to get in the way of living! So this is providing an important lesson for me, embrace every moment and stay in the present! As Eckert Tolle would say, at this moment I have no problems, I feel fine am eating like a pig but generally feeling fine like before all this started. But the bottom line is that the past is over and the future is out of my control, so what I have is right now, so enjoy it!

Everyone here is so king, compassionate and hopeful! They don't deal in negative outcomes and giving up, we just move forward. I know in my heart I'm exactly where I need to be and although from time to time i do feel frightened & overwhelmed, in general, I feel strong and positive! Plus when I need a diversion, I go shopping :-) that always works!!!! I may need another suitcase on the way home, but what the he'll!

My plan is to have our Christmas Eve open house, so I'll have to start planning that when I get back! Plus I have to start my Christmas baking - cookies, maybe this year I'll add cupcakes. We went to the mall yesterday and there was a place I think it was white flower cakes, they had absolutely beautiful cupcakes - I must admit I tried them and they not only look beautiful but taste great too! You can check it out at whiteflowercake.com! Awesome!

They even have an Apple store very close to where we are, so we're fine - as long as you have an Apple store, life is good! I love My Apple!

We're going to run to Target in a little while and then spend the afternoon with Manju, so that should make for a fun, relaxing afternoon! I'll hang out in her massage chair while we're there! They have all kinds of "free" things like reflexology, massage, etc.. So I think I'll schedule something relaxing for tomorrow after my surgery, treat myself! :-)

I'm trying to decide if I'm going to check out Pier One (it's next to Target) Tara and I are going to check out their Christmas decorations after I get home, but just in case they have a different selection here, need to make sure I don't miss anything I really "need" ha ha! Like I really need Christmas decorations, I've been collecting them sine I was a teenager, but as far as I'm concerned, you can never have too many :-)

Well, I'm going to sign off now, will try to post again later. Keep the prayers and love coming, it really helps! Thanks again for everything everyone has done, I'm being carried by angels thanks to all of you!

Remember, "Life's a Journey" and if w just go with the flow rather than trying to control it, it is much more enjoyable and fun! Besides, none of us has control over it anyway, we just try to tell ourselves we do!

Love to all, will keep you posted on what's happening!

Time for another trip

2010-06-14T23:59:00.000-04:00

Well, seems like I just got back from the Bahamas, and here I am getting ready to leave again. This time I'm going to upstate New York to see my sister. It should be a lot of fun. Plus she left me a message today to bring a sweatshirt, it's been dropping into the low 60s, so the cool will be a welcomed respite from high 90s down here! It would appear we've sort of adopted another three cats although they don't live inside (yet anyway) but now several more have been hanging around. The bad thing is neither one of us can say no to these stray animals - there's probably a sign at the end of the street indicating which house the "saps" live in, because they all seem to find us! Although the upside is that our cats seem to be getting a little more accepting, they don't seem to be growling at the new guys and trying to chase them off like they were in the beginning. However, there is no way we can take all these in and have them living inside, unless we either move out ourselves or get a much larger house. Well I've got to sign off now, need to get some sleep since I have to get up early tomorrow. Will write again soon. Good night!

Back on Track

2010-06-08T22:04:00.000-04:00

Well, seems like the rain has cleared, today was gorgeous, so we went swimming at the beach again. It was great. It's good to be back on track with that, it's very therapeutic, both mentally and physically. I also finished the crown I was knitting, it came out pretty cool. The best thing is I'm learning to understand the knitting instructions and becoming less intimidated by them. I'll try to get a picture of it tomorrow and the clean area in the attic. I've sent some things to my sister which she's going to sell in her Etsy shop. Unfortunately, there were some broken items, needless to say, she wasn't impressed with my packing ability. So I've been instructed to have some one check the packing on the next parcel, before I send it! I'll be going up there to visit her next week. I'm looking forward to that, and the road trip we're taking to Atlanta. We'll have a lot of fun. This trip, I have to remember to take my camera with me. When I went to the Bahamas, I forgot it so I had to take pictures with my phone. I'm not going to take full responsibility for that one though, because it runs in the family. We never seemed to have a camera or if we did no one remembered to get it out, for vacations or holidays. In fact, we had a movie camera when we were young children, and later when we were in high school, my sister came across some film still in the camera, so she had it developed. There were several years worth of Christmas and Easters all on the same roll, and it was when we were in elementary school! So as you can see, my forgetting the camera or not taking pictures is something I inherited, but I'm working on it! Hopefully I'll get some shots tomorrow and get them posted. Well, gotta run. Have a great night.

The Attic

2010-05-31T22:21:00.000-04:00

I accomplished a lot in the attic today. I must have been up there for at least 6 hours. It was rather warm, as you might imagine for south Florida at this time of year. If I was really organized, I would have done this in the winter! What can I say, obviously I'm not that organized. I went through boxes I haven't even seen for 10 years! It's amazing the stuff we keep, think we can't live without and then years later the only question that comes to mind, is "why did I keep this?" and worse yet, "why have I been dragging it around all these years?". I'll give you an example, I found all of the RSVP cards in their little envelopes, from my first marriage, all rubber banded together into a nice little bundle. Now, obviously you need them initially so you know how many people to tell the caterer to prepare for, but 20 years after the divorce, what possible use would I have for them? I'm sure at the time I thought I had some sort of use for them, but I guess I've changed so much over the years that I can't even begin to fathom what it might have been! I could go on, I would guess I had every birthday card I've ever received - you should see the pile of trash sitting on the curb waiting for tomorrow's trash pickup! It is very freeing clearing out so much clutter from my life. I also have a car full of stuff for The Salvation Army. The worst part is, I'm probably only a quarter of the way through the attic, but there is actually a lot of empty space in that quarter! Hopefully tomorrow I'll take some pictures, I forgot to bring the camera with me today and by the time I finished, I was so hot and sweaty all I wanted to do was jump in the shower, so there was no way I was going back up there to take pictures.

Well, I can tell you one thing, I will sleep well tonight, I'm exhausted and somewhat achey! I don't think it would have been quite so bad if I could stand up, but the hunching over so I don't hit my head gets to you after awhile! That being said, it's time for me to go to sleep! Sleep well everyone, sweet dreams.

Remembering

2010-05-30T22:52:00.000-04:00

As I was driving along this afternoon, it suddenly occurred to me what this weekend is - this is the anniversary (I believe 18 or 19 years) of when I was on a flight that someone tried to hijack. I say "tried" to hijack, because we never actually left the United States, he finally surrendered while we were sitting on the trams in Miami. That was a harrowing experience! Certainly not one I'd care to repeat, but I must say it was fathering enlightening. When the hijacker got on the plane ( he was sitting in the row behind me)my inner voice told me to get off the plane. To this day I have no idea what it Was about him that caused me to feel that way, but on some level I knew to be alarmed. Unfortunately, society programs us to ignore this inner voice, for fear of offending someone or taking a chance on looking foolish, which was the case with me. Since there was nothing I could put my finer on that caused me to have that feeling, I could only imagine myself having to explain to family and friends why I was stranded in the Dallas airport because I had chosen to get off my flight! I hope I've learned enough that if I ever get that feeling again, I will take heed.

It's funny, most people go to the beach this weekend, but I'm avoiding it, to avoid the crowds. I'll be back on my beach schedule starting Tuesday. Meanwhile my big celebration for tomorrow is to get up early and work on cleaning out the attic. This is by no means a one day job, but it should allow me to at least put a dent in it! It's amazing how much "stuff" I have managed to accumulate during my life. Sad part is I've gotten rid of a lot of "stuff" but it reproduces as a faster rate than I dispose of it. Actually I accumulate much more rapidly than I dispose! I've really been trying to work on that one, and I'm making progress, but I must admit I still have a long way to go! I'll keep you posted on my progress, maybe I'll even take some photos! Do I dare show photos of the massive clutter to the world? I'm going to have to think about that one. You'll find out tomorrow. Meanwhile sleep well!

Jury Duty

2010-05-28T21:26:00.000-04:00

OK, today I was selected for a jury, a very simple civil trial which only lasted one day. It was actually interesting. Actually I don't mind jury duty, it's more the thought of it, seeming like it's taking time I need for something else, which isn't the case, it's just that mindset. Once I get there, I generally enjoy it because i find the legal system interesting, I guess I find being at the courthouse interesting, and Palm Beach County has a beautiful courthouse with views of the Intracoastal and ocean beyond - what more can you ask for? Plus, unlike Dade and Broward counties, the traffic getting there isn't a hassle. I even learned something interesting, when you are sued, you don't have to show up for court or respond to the notices, I never realized that, although I think failing to do so is a bit ignorant, but each to his own!

In some ways, I think I'm getting back to my old self, so perhaps I'm finally going to be able to sort of merge my old and my new lives and connect with who I am now. That would be great! It's nothing major, in fact this probably sounds very lame, but I've actually been polishing my fingernails for the last couple of weeks - it's been years since vie had polished nails, it makes me feel more like me! Crazy, huh? Well, time for me to turn in. Let's see what tomorrow brings.

Enjoying the Beach

2010-05-26T11:44:00.000-04:00

Well, I believe it's safe to say, summer is upon us! We have actually been going to the beach everyday for a quick swim. We don't stay that long and certainly don't go when the sun is the strongest at midday. It's just enough to give us a break in the day, get a little exercise, cool off and take in some of that great ocean energy. I've lived here all my life and this is the first time I'm actually taking advantage of the beach, better late than never I guess.

Tomorrow, I've been summoned for jury duty - I'll find out after 5 this evening if the anticipate needing my services. I don't really mind jury duty, if they would adjust the air conditioning so you don't feel like you waiting in the deep freeze! That for me has always been the worst part, I feel like I have frost bite by the end of the day. I guess the reasoning behind it is to keep everyone awake or something - but I don't think it's terribly effective on me. I'll just bundle up, bring a good book and see what happens.

On that note I'm going to run, my exercise files just finished downloading for the online tutorial I'm taking. Wish me luck, these are so fascinating, it's a great way to learn new software. Check it out for yourself at Lynda.com

Excellent Play

2010-05-22T23:04:00.000-04:00

This evening we saw the last play of this season at Florida Stage, it was phenomenal! When the Sun Shown Brighter was by far the best show of the season. To quote another theater goer, it was Broadway quality. We had actually been rather disappointed with this years plays, but this one made it all worthwhile. Anyone in the South Florida area would be well advised to go see it, just check it out. I really can't recommend it enough.

All in all today turned out OK, although it was rather shaky for awhile. The morning started off fine, then early afternoon brought about arguing with the phone company and bank, which means the quality of the day digressed rapidly! But I guess it's true, all's well that ends well and today ended well. Now if the cats would learn to sleep on the corner of the bed rather than disrupting my space and making it nearly impossible to get any rest. I hate to admit it, but that was one of the good things about the Bahamas, I slept really well because there were no finicky felines disturbing me. I love my cats, but I also need my rest!

Well, I've started the crepe paper crown, it isn't nearly as difficult working with the crepe paper as I expected, however, it is a slow process. Mainly because I'm taking my time being very careful so the paper won't tear. I'm getting sort of excited about experimenting with other unusual materials. I'll keep you posted, including pictures, of my progress! Well, once again it's time for sleep.

Finally Finished!

2010-05-21T20:49:00.000-04:00

I did it - I completed my first knitting project, a scarf for my sister. It came out rather well, I think. See for yourself.

Noe I start my crepe paper crown, which looks pretty interesting. I found the pattern in "Alterknits." It looks really cool, I'm not sure what its going to be like, knitting with crepe paper, but I'll soon know. I found a picture on line of one that someone else made, see what you think. After the crown i'm going to try knitting with wire. That book has all kinds of projects that are outside the box as they say. I'm looking forward to trying a few to get my head in a different space so I can start coming up with my own innovative ideas, rather than thinking knitting means yarn and either sweaters or socks! The possibilities are limited only by my imagination. So I'll keep you posted on my progress.

We went back to The Greenwave Cafe for lunch - it was awesome, we had raw veggie burgers. They were the best I've had anyplace, including California! That says a lot. It's a bit of a drive to Plantation, but it is well worth it. We certainly can't forget the raw vegan ice cream - it's on par with Baskin Robbins. Anyone in the Fort Lauderdale area should certainly stop by and check them out. You'll be glad you did. well, I've got to run, there's a crown waiting for me.

Perfect South Florida Day

2010-05-21T02:11:00.000-04:00

Today was one of those perfect south Florida days; sunny with a great breeze! Ideal weather for sailing, which is exactly how we spent the afternoon. It was great, we just sailed along the Intracoastal Waterway soaking up the sun while admiring the houses on boats of Palm Beach. It's such a relaxing way to just get away from it all. Yesterday it was a swim in the ocean, which was also amazingly exhilarating; although I got spoiled in the Bahamas, our beach isn't nearly as clean and beautiful. But I'll suffer through it!

I finally finished the scarf I was knitting for my sister, well, all except the fringe. I intend to complete the fringe tomorrow and then start on a knitted crepe paper crown - it looks really awesome! We'll see how it goes. It should be fun if nothing else! Well, gotta run, it's really late and I must get some sleep or I won't have enough day left by the time I wake up to finish the fringe, much less start anything else. Good night, sweet dreams!

Green Wave Cafe

2010-05-18T23:13:00.001-04:00

Today we had lunch at a great raw food cafe in Fort Lauderdale, it was delicious! I had a burrito which was excellent, but it paled when compared to the raw chocolate ice cream. It was every bit as good as Baskin Robbins chocolate ice cream, in fact if I didn't know it was raw & vegan, I would have thought it was Baskin Robbins. It was so incredible that I pigged out and had two bowls of it. I felt stuffed all the way home, but it was worth it. I made up for it by going for a walk in John Prince Park after we got back. It was a perfect time for it, since it was overcast and there was quite a breeze, it was quite cool, rather than stiflingly hot as has been the norm recently. It's safe to say summer has arrived! We've actually been running the air conditioner in the bedroom at night since it's so hot. We figure it's more environmentally conscious to just cool the bedroom, rather than the entire house. We also removed the Tempurpedic mattress topper to see if that helps. It may be that without that we won't require the air conditioner. I'll keep you posted. Well, it's getting late so I'm going to sign off, hopefully I'll figure out how to post images from my iPad soon, otherwise I'll have to do my blog posts from the computer which isn't as convenient. More on that tomorrow.

I almost forgot, I discovered the coolest yarn shop in West Palm Beach, today, it's like right out of "The Friday Night Knitting Club" or one of Sally Goldenbaum's knitting mysteries complete with the big table surrounded by chairs in the back room! The yarn selection was to die for - it took every bit of self control I could find not to come home with a carload with absolutely no idea what I would be using it for! I will however, be returning to purchase some when I have a project selected. I'm also going to take some of their classes. Well, just had to add that little bit, now it really is time for sleep.

Home Again

2010-05-16T12:49:00.001-04:00

Well, I'm home again. I had a brief visit in Marsh Harbor with Tara and Chris, which was fun.
We went to see a Blue Hole, I'm still not totally sure exactly it is, other than a hole in the limestone formation, filled with freshwater and apparently there are cave formations below the surface. It sounds like they are rather popular with cave divers and such. It was pretty though.

After the Blue Hole, we drove down to Cherokee and walked around. Cherokee is a quaint little town that reminds a little of Everglades City, although I'm not really sure exactly why. There was one house that was absolutely adorable. It had bright colored wooded butterflies and dragonflies adorning the trees.

I would have loved to see what the backyard looked like, but that would have been invading their privacy, so I'll just have to wonder about it. I have no doubt it is quite whimsical back there, after seeing the front yard. Somehow places like that seem to have an almost magical quality which I find I'm drawn to like a moth to the flame! Other than a bit of shopping, we didn't do too much else other than visit and relax, which I think we all needed.

And with that, my trip is over and I'm back home chilling out trying to get back in the groove! Wish me luck.

Saying Goodbye

2010-05-14T10:47:00.000-04:00

Well, it's almost time to leave Hope Town - I feel like I'm leaving a friend. I read somewhere that islands have a soul, much like people, which is what makes them so special. I am inclined to believe it's true. I already am beginning to feel a sense of loss, I've only been here a little over a week, but it seems like this is a different lifetime altogether. It's been so unlike my "regular" life - vacations are always different because the everyday stresses and mundane details are temporarily suspended, but somehow this is different than even that. I feel like I'm looking at life differently and I guess truth be told I'm a little afraid that I could lose this altered outlook when the ferry pulls away from the dock. This is where trust comes in, believing that what needs to be, will prevail. I can only hope that what needs to be is indeed my new outlook on life and thus, as the ferry is departing the dock rather than leaving something behind, I will be embarking on the start of a "new" life or a changed one! I guess I will know soon enough. The mixture of anticipation and dread is a bit overwhelming, but this too shall pass, I must simply go with the flow. On that note, I'm going to sign off because going with the flow at this moment entails completing my packing, closing up the house and saying goodbye to Hope Town as I head to the ferry dock.

Where's Teddy?

2010-05-13T09:23:00.000-04:00

Teddy and Steph left yesterday. It was so sad watching the ferry pull away from the dock with the two of them onboard. Teddy was crying, so he felt it too! Of course, I miss Steph, we had a great time, but I didn't expect to miss Teddy as much as I do. I have never encountered a dog like him, he's quiet like a cat, so many times one, or both of us, would jump up and look around to be sure he was still in the house. It wasn't all this constant barking and jumping around like most dogs, but he would lie down next to me when I was reading, sigh, put his head down and sleep or just relax; and in true dog fashion, come up to greet me, or just put his nose on my arm while I was sitting to say hello, how're you doing, I like you! That's one thing about dogs, they tend to be devoted and give unconditional love, whereas cats are more about what's convenient for them. It has been a long time since I've actually had a dog, I think I had forgotten that. Although I realize a dog doesn't fit into our lifestyle, we just don't have the time to devote to one and it is a reciprocal relationship, it would be wrong to just take and not give! Although our cats are a bit more like dogs than the average cat - most of them talk and they all have their distinct personalities; it's really fascinating when you pay attention to the little details. I guess that's what gives life it's color, otherwise everything would just be black and white!

Well, it's about time to get up and get moving before I let one of my remaining days totally pass me by! I am going to miss this little island, there's just something so special about being on an island - I can only imagine how fabulous it would be to actually live on one. Maybe that's why all my favorite books seem to take place on islands! OK, I'm signing off now, will try to post again later. I had forgotten how refreshing it was to blog, it makes you stop and look at life from a different perspective, which I find makes me appreciate things a bit more, rather than just letting everything pass by without notice.

Hope Town

2010-05-12T20:19:00.001-04:00

Finally, I have returned from my lengthy sabatical. I believe it's important for me to return to blogging in order to again grasp some type of authenticity in my life. An authenticity that otherwise seems to elude me in my day to day doings. I'm currently in the Abacos, Hope Town specifically; it's wonderfully refreshing - life moves at a slower pace here and I've adjusted to stay in time with it. I didn't even bring my watch with me, the day, the time is irrelevant to me here, I'm just completely relaxed in a way I never seem to be able to achieve at home. There are so few distractions or perhaps I just don't need them at this point in my life - I don't even really feel a need or a desire to shop; which is completely out of character for me. It was almost a chore to find the couple of souveniers I needed to bring back for people. Normally I wouldn't be able to keep myself out of the shops and the only thing that typically limits my shopping is space in my suitcase, even lack of funds can be overcome with plastic. I hope that somehow I will be able to retain what I've found here when I return home. They say you take your mind with you, which in the past has meant I brought it from home to here, so hopefully it works in reverse and it will go from here to home! I'll know soon enough. I think I'll have lunch soon and then go for a walk on the beach and a swim if the wind has died down a bit. I don't feel it's terribly prudent to swim alone with no one else on the beach - I certainly know how to swim, but given I have a problem with my right shoulder, it's foolish to test fate.

I finally feel at peace, which has never been the norm for me. I almost think in part it's because I've finally found a friend who truly understands me, perhaps because we're so much alike. I feel safe to be myself, no pretenses, no feeling judged or misunderstood - we could almost finish sentences for each other. There's certainly something to be siad for being understood, being able to connect on a very deep level with another human being - it mitigates the isolation that tends to surround us all to varying degrees.

It's amazing how tranquil watching all the boats anchored in the harbor feels. Hopefully if I get a base tan we can start sailing, if we get out during the week the waterway shouldn't be frantic with boaters like it is on the weekends. Maybe I'll even learn to sail - this isn't the ideal time, heading into a south Florida summer, but as they say, there's no time like the present, never put off until tomorrow what you can do today, and all that jazz! Actually, that's what I've always done, put off until tomorrow because I'm always waiting for the perfect time, for all the planets to be aligned and all loose ends to be neatly tied up; which I've finally realized will never be - that's simply a fantasy that only exists in Camelot!

Well, I think it's time to pull myself out of this chair and head to Vernon's grocery for some bandaids and then wander over to the beach. I finally saw pink sand, it's beautiful; made of sand and crushed shells, I'm not sure where it came from but there were scattered patches on the beach. I believe I'll miss the beach more than anything, a pristine, deserted expanse of sand and sea that's just steps from town - it's hard to fathom the contradiction; it's so close yet seemly so removed. We have beaches at home, but none this clean and absolutely none this empty. I doubt the estates on Palm Beach are this private!

Almost time to go home

2009-10-24T01:44:00.000-04:00

Well, I leave San Francisco on Monday. While I'm looking forward to going home (I miss my husband) I'm really going to miss California. But I will definitely be back. I finally got to the dahlia garden in Golden Gate Park - it's a bit late in the season so a lot of them were starting to die back, but they were still beautiful. Some of them, remind me of sea anemones - I'm not sure if it's the colors or the way their petals sort of curl around to look almost tubular - but I can picture them underwater swaying in the current with a cute little clown fish darting in and out of their petals. This could be a new adventure for Nemo! I love those Pixar movies.

My sister would love the dahlia garden, well actually the entire park with all the beautiful gardens. I love it to, but from a different perspective; she as a gardener, me as one who has trouble keeping a silk plant alive! I think it would be fabulous to have gardens like these, but it just isn't realistic for me. As much as I hate to admit that, it's true. So for now I will have to be content getting my flowers from the flower shop rather than my personal cutting garden.

How would you like to have a conservatory like this - great huh? Well it's time for me to go to sleep. Hope you enjoyed the dahlias as much as I did. I have two more days to work in a ride on the carousel - let's see if I make it. I was looking through the glass today, it wasn't open yet, maybe instead of a horse I should ride a giraffe! How cool would that be?

Karnamrita Dasi

2009-10-19T01:28:00.000-04:00

Tonight's satsang was excellent - Karnamrita Dasi gave a concert, but rather than just singing for us, she spent most of the evening leading kirtan (call & response chanting.) It was really wonderful. She not only has a captivating voice, but she is extremely warm, open and gracious, just a very beautiful soul. It was mesmerizing to say the least. It was the perfect culmination to my day. I finished the book I was reading "29 Gifts - how a month of giving can change your life" it was so inspiring, I can't wait to begin the 29 day giving challenge! I encourage all of you to consider joining as well. It isn't about giving big or expensive gifts, it's about focusing on others rather than ourselves. This seems to be a recurring theme recently, in fact, Karnamrita made reference to it this evening, saying when we are being of service to others we are no longer focused on ourselves. This has an extremely positive effect on all of us. It seems the universe is sending me a very persistent message - so I'm going to listen, rather than just ignore it! I'll keep you posted. Good night, I hope you all sleep well.

Isn't it amazing how quickly things can change?

2009-10-17T19:38:00.000-04:00

It's almost unbelievable how much can change in just a few short days. When I arrived in San Francisco I had a dark cloud hovering over me - it wasn't always in the forefront, often it simply lurked in the dark crevices of my mind. Generally if I was out, around other people, it would remain at bay, waiting for the dark stillness of night to pounce. It was during these times I would succumb to my bouts of self pity, why did I have to get cancer, it isn't fair! Even worse was the incessant thought that plagued me; both of my parents died thirteen months after being diagnosed with cancer, my life was nearing its end. On an intellectual level I knew this was ridiculous thinking, it had nothing to do with me. I wasn't stage four when I was diagnosed. I was also well aware that the mere presence of that thought could prevent me from regaining my health. No matter how hard I tried I just couldn't escape from it. So I decided to stay in San Francisco; perhaps the spiritual environment coupled with a lot of physical exercise and a strong vegetarian atmosphere would be the catalyst I needed to change my thought patterns. Things seemed to be moving along in a positive way and as long as I stayed busy that thought didn't plague me, but if I let up for even a minute, it would rear its ugly head. My return home was quickly approaching and I was beginning to get concerned. What would I do when I got home, I'd be back in exactly the same spot I had left. The suddenly it happened, something shifted almost overnight, I no longer feel like the grim reaper is at my heels. I know I'll die one day, we all will, but that doesn't mean its going to be soon! Swami Padma laid out a "mind watchers" program for me and someone else suggested some great visualization techniques. I think just talking about it sort of put things in perspective, I was able to see how ridiculous some of my thinking really was. I don't feel sick and I refuse to succumb to a label I've been given. I will thrive, its not enough to simply survive. I realize life isn't going to be a bed of roses, but it wasn't a bed of roses before I was diagnosed with cancer, so why should I expect that now? I also realize that I have a husband who loves me and is willing and able to help me move on with my life, as well as wonderful friends and family. I'm far more fortunate than so many people in the world and as long as I stay focused on that and live each day to the fullest I can't ask for anything more! Besides worrying about what might happen tomorrow has never actually had any effect other than ruining my today. I can honestly say I'm ready to go home, I feel like I finally have what I stayed for and it's a good feeling. I wish the same for all of you. I've just started reading a great book "29 Gifts how a month of giving can change your life" I expect it will have a profound effect on my life. Have a great evening!

World Veg Festival in San Francisco

2009-10-06T16:56:00.000-04:00

The World Veg Festival was held this weekend in Golden Gate Park, San Francisco. The San Francisco Sivananda Yoga Vedanta Center had a booth, so I spent most of the weekend working the booth. We had a great time. The festival was sponsored by the San Francisco Vegetarian Society, and they did a fantastic job. There were amazing speakers, my favorite, was John Robbins, fantastic food and a lot of really good people. What more can you ask for?

It was really an awesome weekend. I think we did a pretty good job on our booth - see what you think.

All in all the festival seemed to be quite a success. It provided a platform for some very important messages and it allowed people to have a great time while hearing those messages. Hopefully we'll see some events like this in South Florida in the near future. Well, gotta run. Ciao!

Farewell to Red

2009-09-29T11:59:00.001-04:00

I found out last evening that Red died. It makes me sad, yet I'm glad he doesn't have to suffer. I think death is always worse on those left behind than the ones who die. I guess I won't really know that for sure until my time comes, but somehow it's a comforting thought.

Red was a really special cat. He was a stray that had been hanging around the neighborhood for years. In fact, he use to try to intimidate our other cats, so we would chase him off when we saw him. A couple of years ago he seemed to have mellowed a bit; or perhaps life was just becoming more difficult. He stopped intimidating the others, so we gradually began feeding him. He was hungry and we can't say no to an animal in need. Eventually, we were even able to pet him while he ate, other than that you couldn't get close to him. Last September we went to Greece for ten days, when we returned, somehow Red seemed a little less anxious around us. He was more receptive to being petted and when we opened the door and invited him in, not only did he accept, he didn't leave. That was all it took, Red moved in and immediately became part of the family. He wasn't well, but we wanted to give him the best possible life until his time came. He stayed inside most of the time or on the patio. Red was in some ways more like a dog than a cat, he would follow me around the house, just like a dog. Many evenings he would greet us at the door when we came home. There is really no way to adequately describe the way he would look at me (and Bharata), but to say it was with eyes filled with unconditional love. When you would lean over to kiss him, he would tip his forehead and bring it up to your face, just waiting to have a kiss bestowed upon him. He gradually became thinner and thinner, weaker and weaker, it was painful to watch but he didn't appear to be in pain. He started staying closer and closer to Bharata in his final days and died sleeping with him. We will truly miss you Red, but you're in a better place now. Remember that we both love you. I'm sorry I wasn't there with you, but you'll always live in my heart, I carry you with me. Goodbye sweet pea, mommy loves you!

Still in San Francisco

2009-09-28T18:38:00.001-04:00

I'm still alive and well, however I can't always say the same about my internet connection. Makes updating my blog a bit difficult, especially since I have to work it in between meditation, asana class, karma yoga, meals and walking to the health food store for wheatgrass juice. Why is it that it always seems to go on the blink when I have time to blog? Actually maybe it's on the blink other times as well and I just don't know it. I guess that would be like the tree falling in the forest, would it make a sound if no one was there to hear it? Today was the end of the Navaratri celebration; it culminated with victory day - we had a beautiful puja at satsang this morning. The rituals are quite inspiring. Rituals seem to be something the Protestants never really grabbed a hold of for some reason. It seems like the Eastern Orthodox and the Catholics have more ritualistic qualities to their services, I guess the Protestants are more puritanical. Well, if you ask me some incense and flower petals never hurt anybody! Ah, but no one asked me.

The weather here changes at least as much as it does at home. Everyone is always joking about Florida, if you don't like the weather, wait 10 minutes it will change. It's about like that here, yesterday it was warm & sunny (in the 70s) today it's sunny but rather chilly. Go figure! I just make sure I always have a sweatshirt with me and whether it's warm or chilly determines which side of the street I walk on (the sunny or shady.) Hey, we may not know how to use a voting machine in Palm Beach County (hanging chads and all that) but we do know how to stay warm.

The San Francisco Vegetarian Society is having a "World Veg Festival Weekend" here in Golden Gate Park this Saturday & Sunday - so I'm looking forward to that. I just found a link from their site, well several times removed, which took me to a site for the Palm Beach County Vegetarian Society. I'll have to check that out when I get home and see what it's all about. Who knew...

Well, I've got to run, time to go get wheatgrass juice. Oh, just in case I post at what appears to be an odd time (like the middle of the night) I haven't changed the clock on my computer - it's my link with home! So it's only 3:30 in the afternoon here. Well, have a great rest of the day - I'm certainly going to. In fact I might even spend some time this afternoon trying to figure out facebook - I haven't got the hang of it yet and I'm supposed to be showing someone else how to use it - talk about the blind leading the blind. So I have to try to do a crash course first. Ciao!

Sunrise in Golden Gate Park

2009-09-19T14:21:00.000-04:00

I decided to stay in San Francisco for awhile, rather than return home on my scheduled flight. It is wonderful out here. I'm taking a Bhagavad Gita course at the Sivananda Yoga Vedanta Center. I'm finding my experience staying at the Center both uplifting and grounding at the same time. The added bonus is, I'm in a city made for vegetarians & raw foodists.

This morning we did a silent walking meditation in Golden Gate Park. It was amazing. First, I have to say I was very proud of myself to be able to keep up with the other three people (all of whom are much younger, in better physical condition and use to the terrain) we covered a lot of territory - probably about one third of the park. We started at 6 am and walked to Stow Lake, where we meditated at Huntington Falls and then walked back. There were only a few joggers and bicyclists out at that hour so it was wonderfully quiet and peaceful. The only sounds were the crunch of the gravel under our feet, the waterfall and the mallard ducks on the lake - now I will have to admit, they are rather vocal! The brisk morning fog felt like a mist of rain on my face, it was like a kiss from God. The air is so clean and fresh from all the trees I just wanted to drink in as much of it as I could. Walking to the lake it was dark, and as we passed the Academy of Science building, the hanging sculpture of a flock of hawks seemed to come alive in the soft glow of the lights. Behind the glass facade they were soaring, circling, watching for their next prey. They were magnificent, especially since I knew they weren't going to catch any unsuspecting small animal! Walking back, the sun had come up so I was able to take everything in, since we weren't talking or otherwise distracted. Walking past trees so large I couldn't begin to reach even halfway around them was awe inspiring. The ground is covered with nasturtiums with leaves as large as saucers. Of course the squirrels had my attention, I just love watching them run and play without a care in the world. Taking the time to remove the distractions and really let ourselves experience the wealth of natural beauty that surrounds us is just overwhelming. It is so gratifying to stop and realize just how fortunate we really are if we simply choose to recognize it. Well, that certainly started my day off wonderfully, I hope yours is the same. Remember you can have a fabulous day if you choose to.

Dinner at "Alive"

2009-09-13T00:07:00.001-04:00

OK, I wouldn't have thought this was possible, but we had dinner at a restaurant that had even better food than Cafe Gratitude. Now that is hard to believe, because Cafe Gratitude was excellent, but "Alive" was sublime! It was small and very tastefully done with a beautifully landscape outdoor dining area in the back (the weather precluded our eating out there tonight.) The presentation of the food was that of a five star restaurant - see for yourself.

Swami Padma & Bharata had soup (which we forgot to photograph) then we all decided on the sunflower seed burger with avocado as our entree and for dessert it was a strawberry coconut chocolate torte & a banana coconut chocolate torte - everything was absolutely delicious. I can't think of a better job than to be a food critic in this town! It would be like you died and went to heaven. The chef trained at Living Light Culinary Arts - so if this is any indication of the quality of their graduates, that's where I would go to learn how to be a raw chef! We all thoroughly enjoyed our evening. We took the bus to the restaurant which was also great. It was a scenic route, we saw Haight-Ashbury, the Presidio and several other beautiful areas of the city; we met some very nice & interesting people, plus we kept our carbon footprint relatively small. What more can you ask for. If I were going to move from South Florida, San Francisco would certainly top my list of possible places to move - it is a dynamite place. Monday we're going to check out the sea lions (or seals) at Pier 39 - the guidebook said they arrive in January so we didn't think we would see them; but several of the local people we met on the bus told us they are there now - so I'll let you know Monday if that's correct. Well that's all for tonight. It's time for me to go to sleep! Have a great night.

Rainy Day

2009-09-12T14:54:00.000-04:00

We were blessed with four glorious days of sunshine, so it's only fair that it rain today. It's rather foggy, which makes it look like a winter day in the northeast, just before it snows. This is good, makes me appreciate being inside as I sit by the window typing and watching all the people walk by in the rain. No one seems to be too disturbed by it, there are even people sitting in the top of the double-decker bus (it has stopped raining, so they aren't crazy.) We went back to Cafe Gratitude yesterday, that place is incredible! It's a shame they don't have one in Palm Beach County. That would be fantastic! We're having a great time. I even got a little work done on the swamp walk photos.

Welcome to San Francisco

2009-09-10T12:06:00.003-04:00

We're here and as always, California is GREAT! I have always had a soft spot for California since my first time here 20+ years ago. I almost missed my connection in Dallas; by schedule I had 40 minutes between flights and of course, the arrival gate was just about the furthest point you could get from the departure gate, but that would have been OK. In fact, we touched down 20 minutes early, so I was elated that I would now have plenty of time; except, there was another plane in our gate, so we were going to have to wait 5-10 minutes, still ahead of schedule, no problem. The 5-10 minutes turned into about 35 minutes, now we were really cutting it close, then when we get to the gate the skywalk (or whatever they call it) isn't functioning properly so we have to wait for them to fix it before the door could be opened (for safety reasons). When that door opened, I ran to the train, missed he first one, then ran down the escalator and to the gate, if I had been 5 seconds later, the gate agent said they would have closed the door to the plane and I would have missed the flight - talk about luck! Amazingly I arrived early in San Francisco, found Swami Padma and we chatted while waiting for Bharata's flight to arrive; his was early, as well, so we were off on our adventure! The Sivananda Yoga Center (where we are staying) is across from Golden Gate Park.

We went for a walk through the park later Tuesday afternoon, it's very beautiful, there is even an old fashioned carousel. I have to go back earlier in the day to see it working. Hey, maybe I can go for a ride on it, do they let grownups do that or do you have to be a kid?

It feels a lot colder than I was expecting, I had forgotten about the wind and somehow the humidity makes it sort of damp, so combined with the wind it cuts right through you. Since I wanted to pack light, I brought one (what I previously thought was very warm) hoodie! Guess I learned. But all is well, I was able to borrow a sweatshirt and some sweat pants, life is good! All in all, we've been extremely fortunate. The weather is actually exceptional for out here, very sunny and clear. It's cold compared to Florida, but everything is relative. Now that I have warm clothes, I'm enjoying the change. Wednesday, we ran a few errands with Swami Padma and then we all went to Cafe Gratitude for lunch. The food is incredible, I thought I had eaten some fantastic raw food in the past, but nothing even comes close to this. Lunch by itself was worth flying out here for! I've died and gone to heaven.

So far we are having a fantastic time, can't wait to see what today holds. Oh, one more boon for California, it makes getting up for meditation so easy, because on east coast time it's 9 AM - I could handle that, no problem! Gotta run, time to eat. Oh, they also have the best avocados and I'm pigging out on them, with every meal - I love it! Until later, have a stupendous day, I certainly plan to.

Swamp Walk

2009-09-07T18:33:00.000-04:00

This was a catch-up week for me. The re-upholstery project is complete. It didn't come out bad, especially when you figure I knew nothing about upholstering when it began. That's not to say I know that much now. The professional upholsterers of South Florida certainly don't need to worry about losing their business to me!

I'm so glad that's finished. Today was great, we went down to Clyde Butcher's Big Cypress Gallery for his annual Labor Day Swamp Walk. It was beautiful! This year it was smaller; minus the bands and food booths, so it was incredible! Unfortunately I only have time to post a couple of photographs; we are leaving tomorrow morning for San Francisco. I will try to get some more up while I'm out there. This will give you some idea of how beautiful the swamp is.

Have a fantastic rest of the holiday! I'll be in touch from San Francisco! Ciao!

Lazy Sunday

2009-08-30T08:27:00.000-04:00

I think I could stay in bed all day, unfortunately that is not an option. I have cats to feed, kitty boxes to scoop, cushions to make, errands to run and a myriad of other things to fill my day! Now the cats on the other hand, sleep all day. I think in my next life I will come back as a pampered house cat. What a life!

We are making progress on the upholstery project, I can almost see the end in sight. I will be so happy when this project is complete; there's too much repetition for me. I have been working on some ATCs (Artist Trading Cards) just to break the tedium - it's been fun. It also keeps my creative juices flowing in anticipation of getting back to work after this project is finished! This is going to have to be a very short post, I've got to quickly make some juice before it is time to pick-up Mutt to work on the cushions. I am learning a lot, so that's a positive thing.

Bharata returns from Canada tonight, so that's exciting. He's been at a yoga staff reunion since Wednesday. I'm glad he was able to go and he's having a great time, but I miss him, so I'm glad he'll be back tonight. The cat's miss him to; I'm much stricter than he is!

Well, have a spectacular day, I'm going to!

Awesome Afternoon

2009-08-27T20:47:00.004-04:00

Success! Oh how sweet it is. I can't tell you how happy I am this cushion is now behind me. It was beginning to feel like the movie "Groundhog Day," it seemed all I did was remake this cushion. It isn't perfect, but perfection is highly overrated. I cannot believe those words just came out of my mouth! Well, in the words of Julia Child, "never apologize and never make excuses." I think it looks pretty good.

I desperately needed a diversion to keep the cushion for the ottoman from totally making me crazy, so I started playing around with making a throw pillow and I rather like the way it turned out. Very yogic, don't you think?

I told you this morning I was going to treat myself to a movie if I finished the cushion and I did just that. I went to see Julie and Julia. It was divine! Meryl Streep was incredible, as usual and Amy Adams gave a great performance. I had no idea Julia Child had such Joie de Vivre and it was contagious, it made me want to take up French cooking! Ha, that won't work, I think it's against the law or something to say "French cooking" and "raw vegan" in the same sentence. Well, I can at least let her teach me to live my life with complete abandon. Might as well shoot for the moon, right? Hey, I can always settle for a star if I don't make it, but if I don't even try where will I be?

I forgot to post the picture of I took of Red napping in the sun this morning. He looked so peaceful. Well, I'm going to leave you with that. I have to get myself to bed or I will never make it up for meditation at 6 AM. Ciao!

A Fresh Start

2009-08-27T07:09:00.005-04:00

The base upholstery is completed, all that's left is the cushions & pillows, which I thought would be the easy part. Wrong! They are proving to be quite a challenge, at least the ottoman is, which is where I started. I completely made it once and ripped it apart, partially did it a second time and ripped it apart again, third time's charm - keep your fingers crossed. After I work out the kinks on this one, the others should go quickly. The base upholstery came out looking great. It totally changes the room, it's bright and cheery!

I needed a break from the cushions, so I spent yesterday cleaning & doing laundry. It cleared (cleaned) my head, as well as the house. Today I begin with a fresh start and I feel certain the cushion will work out this time. How's that for optimism? I'm also thinking of giving myself a little treat and going to see the movie "Julie and Julia" this afternoon; assuming of course I work out the kinks with the cushion! That adds a little more incentive to get it right this time. I'm experimenting with some throw pillow ideas, so that provides a little fun between seam ripping. I finished the portrait of a friend I was working on. This cleans up some more loose ends, I can start fresh on several fronts, which is a good feeling.

I would like to get through with the cushions in the next few days and get back to my art before I leave for San Francisco. I'll have to wait and see if the Universe is in agreement with that plan or if there's more I need to learn from seam ripping. So far it seems (no pun intended) that the lessons are patience and perseverance, but there could be more or I may need to advance a bit further on one or both of those. I hope not, but we'll see. Have a fantabulous day!

Rainy Wednesday

2009-08-19T08:53:00.003-04:00

Today is starting out rather wet & dreary, the remnants of tropical storm Ana are passing through as they make their way into the Gulf. I'm not complaining, the plants love the rain and I'm quite happy the storm dissipated. I have my fingers crossed we will escape yet another hurricane season with no storms! This makes for a great day to finish up little projects. I have a lot of those lying around, the upholstering is playing havoc with my time to work on my art. It shouldn't be too much longer and I can get back to my normal routine. I can't wait! I did finish two more pieces and a third is almost complete so that's progress. I can live with that. Well, I won't get anything finished if I don't begin, so that's exactly what I'm going to do. I'll leave you with these two new pieces and I'm off! Have a great day.

We Did Good!

2009-08-17T08:19:00.005-04:00

Well, I've impressed myself, I had concerns about how we were going to do on our reupholstery project, but so far we're doing great. The breakfast set (chairs) look better than they did when they were new. Better fabric choice :-)

Before

After

I have the "before pictures for the sofa & chair going in the living room, but I forgot to take them until I had removed all the cushion covers, sorry! But you still get the general idea - ugly! I can't wait to see how these come out, I have a very interesting plan for them - which I think is going to be great, so we will see! Here are the before shots.

Let's face it, these do not scream "HAPPY" but you just wait until Mutt & I get through with them, they'll have everybody smiling! Well, I have to keep this short, time to get started upholstering, this is actually turning out to be a lot of fun. Have a GREAT day!

What was I thinking?

2009-08-14T21:16:00.003-04:00

Well, its official, I've lost my mind. I'm preparing to "reupholster" a rattan sofa, chair & ottoman and 4 breakfast chairs - knowing nothing about upholstery! I think that probably qualifies me. Mutt, my mother-in-law is going to help me with it; we begin tomorrow. I want it to have a fun, colorful, happy look (much like my artwork) so I have some bright fabrics and we're going to sort of mix it up! Which is probably going to complicate things a bit, but I will keep you posted. I'll take some before pictures and post them tomorrow. This is going in the "yoga house" and a friend was kind enough to give us some furniture they were getting rid of, but it just didn't scream happy. I'm hoping when I'm finished, it will, but I'll let you be the judge of that. We should have a lot of fun tomorrow. I may want to redo our house when I'm finished! I better not mention that to my husband :-)

Sunrise Blogging

2009-08-11T06:50:00.004-04:00

Seems like early morning is the best time for me to blog, before the day runs away from me! I don't know if that happens to anyone else, but it certainly happens to me. The graduation Sunday was great, everyone had a terrific time and Lisa made delicious raw tacos, so I even had something I could eat. Yeah! Thanks Lisa. Durga took some great pictures, as usual. Here's a sample.

I didn't get much work done yesterday. Ione fell the other day, trying to get a small snake out of the bathroom, so she ended up in the hospital. Mutt and I went to visit her yesterday. Somehow it seems like I don't get a great deal done on days I have running around to do, regardless of how long I'm actually gone. I guess I should check into the whole time management thing! Obviously something about that is still eluding me after all these years. I did however discover the key to free motion quilting which I believe will help when I'm working with multiple layers of fabric and paper, to prevent jamming. The internet is such an amazing thing! It always amazes me when I stop and think back to BI (before internet) how did we survive, mailing away for information, going to the library to research something and if lucky, the book we needed hadn't been checked out. Now, everything is at our fingertips, immediately available. I guess this just feeds into the instant gratification mindset we all seem to possess these days. This just confirms there's an up and a down side to everything! I'll suffer the down on this one, I don't think I could ever go back - it would drive me crazy. I barely survive when our DSL is running slow. That's really bad, but I can't help it. Somehow I doubt I'm alone in this!

Lazy Sunday

2009-08-09T16:42:00.003-04:00

Today has been one of those lazy days where although I'm doing things it just has a very laid back, lazy kind of a feel to it. You would think this kind of day would linger on and seem to last forever, but no, it has just flown by! I have to be honest though, sometimes when I'm working on a new piece, that happens, I seem to be in a different dimension where time seems to standstill. By now I guess you think I'm totally crazy, but it's true. I can't explain how it works exactly, but it has to do with my mind being focused or at least that's my understanding of it! But you're saying, "what does a crazy person know?" I'm saying, "you would be surprised!" Well, enough of that, I'll put pictures up when I finish the pieces from "the other dimension."

Unfortunately my post must be brief today, tonight is teacher training graduation at my husband's yoga center. This was a really great group of people, so I'm looking forward to their graduation. Toodle-oo!

Sleepless in Lake Worth

2009-08-08T20:20:00.003-04:00

Well, I think this will be an early night. Durga and I went to an opening last night at Clay Glass Metal Stone Cooperative Gallery in Lake Worth. We both enjoyed it. I was impressed by how many people were there. Galleries don't usually draw such a crowd during the summer; I guess that speaks highly of the work. Anyone who has a chance should get by and take a look, you can find the hours posted on their website.

I haven't slept well the past few nights, I think it's the heat, we're going to leave the air conditioning on tonight and see if that helps. We went for a bike ride just before dusk, there was quite a breeze, so that made it invigorating. It was just what I needed. That should certainly help me sleep! Hope everyone has a great evening, sweet dreams!

Morning Cup of Joe

2009-08-07T07:59:00.009-04:00

Mornings are such a peaceful time, well, after the cats are fed, they can be rather demanding! It's my time to go outside and read or journal while I have my morning coffee. Well, I don't drink coffee or anything with caffeine for that matter, but Maya herbal coffee "Chocolate" by teeccino is fantastic! It has no caffeine and it's organic; add a little alcohol-free vanilla and a few drops of stevia and I'm in heaven! This morning I was leafing through Quilting Arts Magazine listening to the birds and the crickets chirping, while I enjoyed my morning cup of Joe! (I never realized this phrase originated in the Navy). The early mornings and late afternoons are about the only times you can really spend outside during August in south Florida. Mid-day, even the birds aren't out, I may see the occasional dragonfly or perhaps some butterflies but that's about all. Yesterday I saw the most beautiful dragonfly it's wings were an iridescent red. Growing up, I only recall having seen green dragonflies, but in the past few years we've had green, blue, red and a golden yellow - they are spectacular. I think Saint Francis helps me really appreciate nature, there's a statue of him nestled among the foliage directly across from my chair. I wish I could talk him into attracting some fireflies! They are such magical little creatures. I remember watching them as a child, I would be mesmerized for hours. My husband and I did a lot of kayaking in Everglades National Park a few years ago and we saw them quite often out there. For anyone who has never experienced the Everglades, it's a national treasure that shouldn't be missed! I can't begin to describe the magnificence, it defies words. I'll look for some of my photographs and post them in the next couple of days, but if you ever have the opportunity, definitely go. It is the only ecosystem of its kind in the world. Meanwhile I'm going to continue trying to persuade Saint Francis to encourage the fireflies to pay me a visit! Hope you all have a great day!

Too Much Stuff

2009-08-06T06:02:00.004-04:00

My husband forwarded me a link to a great podcast about clutter's effect on creativity, it was Marianne Williamson broadcast on Oprah.com. After listening to this, today becomes clear out some of the clutter day! I'd like to say I will clear it all, but I'm being realistic. I'm going to start with the arts & crafts supplies I've collected that never seem to make it into my work. I always seem to end up with things that don't totally resonate with me and therefore they keep getting pushed to the back of the bin. It reminds me of the kid in elementary school who was always the last to be chosen for a team at recess! I feel sad, all these poor little craft supplies that have the potential to shine in the right persons project! I know the perfect new place for them. My mother-in-law, Mutt (my husband's early attempts at saying mother came out "Mutt" and the name stuck) and her friend Ione started an art club at the retirement home where they live, so they will be the beneficiaries of my extra arts & crafts stuff. It's a win win situation, I clear clutter and the Art Club has fresh supplies. The club has actually been quite beneficial for the group at the home. Several people have said it gives them a reason to get out of bed each day; it has put meaning & purpose into people's lives. Any of you crafters or artists out there who find you have excess supplies might keep retirement homes in mind as beneficiaries, children aren't the only ones who benefit from donated supplies. Ione made me copies of several of her drawings, she did a nice job.

Art imitates life

2009-08-05T14:19:00.007-04:00

They say art imitates life and when you see my house, you know that at least for me it's true. I told you I dream of living on an island - well... I created my own (you have to use your imagination)! My house is painted many of the same colors I use in my artwork, I have whimsical little painted turtles & lizards, wind chimes, and even a thatched roofed screen room, all nestled among plants so it's a little oasis. Bright colors have always "spoken" to me, I'm just not a subdued person when it comes to color. Actually, I should probably look at this, because I've always been rather subdued in other respects, maybe my art is telling me something! I'll get back with you on that one. Honestly though, you be the judge, does my art imitate my life (house)?

OK, now that you've seen my house, see how it compares to my art!

Fabulous Tuesday

2009-08-04T23:42:00.005-04:00

I had a really great day today; finished two mixed media pieces & worked in a 4 mile bike ride in addition to making my juices and some great raw hummus; oh and don't let me forget spending some quality time with my kitties! One of which just happened to be the subject of one of the pieces I finished. I'm really feeling great and I truly believe the art is playing an important role in my regaining my life and my health. For me, art makes me look closer at what's important in life, I really see instead of merely seeing what my mind tells me is there. I guess you could say I take time to stop and smell the roses! It makes me really appreciate all that I have and it makes me more conscientious of how I treat the earth.

I really enjoyed making this piece. The cat's photo is a transfer from a color laser print. I started with a piece of muslin which I painted and wrote on, I sewed assorted scraps of fabric & ribbon on top of it, tacked the transfer on and finished with more paint (which I also used to stamp the letters) the final step was adding these bright colorful fish brads (which I love). Most of my work tends to be bright, tropical colors - I guess that's what happens when you live in south Florida. The only thing that could be better than this would be living on an island! I just returned from a long weekend on Sanibel Island, it was wonderful. There's just something about island living, everything slows down, worries disappear and I feel totally relaxed! We'll save my dream of island life for a later time.

Each new day is a new beginning

2009-08-03T08:52:00.006-04:00

2009 has been a rather eventful year for me. In two months, from March 14 to May 14, I lost my mother to colon cancer, was laid off from my job and then I was diagnosed with breast cancer! At first glance these events appear rather devastating, and although they were, they also gave me a new lease on life! I decided on alternative treatment rather than conventional medicine for the breast cancer; so I went to Hippocrates Health Institute for their "Life Change" program. Life changing it was! This program allowed me to see that over the years I had allowed all the day to day minutiae, as well as other people to take over my life and because it happened so gradually I didn't even realize it. I had lost myself! In order to regain my health, I had to regain control of my own life; to get back in touch with who I am and to reclaim my creative nature. The life I had been leading for so many years wasn't nurturing my soul, it was draining not just my energy, but my very desire to live. So I guess this is about not just my art, but the recovery of my life! Which is rather exciting, to me anyway!