Isn't it amazing how quickly things can change?

It's almost unbelievable how much can change in just a few short days.  When I arrived in San Francisco I had a dark cloud hovering over me - it wasn't always in the forefront, often it simply lurked in the dark crevices of my mind.  Generally if I was out, around other people, it would remain at bay, waiting for the dark stillness of night to pounce.  It was during these times I would succumb to my bouts of self pity, why did I have to get cancer, it isn't fair!  Even worse was the incessant thought that plagued me; both of my parents died thirteen months after being diagnosed with cancer, my life was nearing its end.  On an intellectual level I knew this was ridiculous thinking, it had nothing to do with me.  I wasn't stage four when I was diagnosed.  I was also well aware that the mere presence of that thought could prevent me from regaining my health.  No matter how hard I tried I just couldn't escape from it.  So I decided to stay in San Francisco; perhaps the spiritual environment coupled with a lot of physical exercise and a strong vegetarian atmosphere would be the catalyst I needed to change my thought patterns.  Things seemed to be moving along in a positive way and as long as I stayed busy that thought didn't plague me, but if I let up for even a minute, it would rear its ugly head.  My return home was quickly approaching and I was beginning to get concerned.  What would I do when I got home, I'd be back in exactly the same spot I had left.  The suddenly it happened, something shifted almost overnight, I no longer feel like the grim reaper is at my heels.  I know I'll die one day, we all will, but that doesn't mean its going to be soon!  Swami Padma laid out a "mind watchers" program for me and someone else suggested some great visualization techniques.  I think just talking about it sort of put things in perspective, I was able to see how ridiculous some of my thinking really was.  I don't feel sick and I refuse to succumb to a label I've been given.  I will thrive, its not enough to simply survive.  I realize life isn't going to be a bed of roses, but it wasn't a bed of roses before I was diagnosed with cancer, so why should I expect that now?  I also realize that I have a husband who loves me and is willing and able to help me move on with my life, as well as wonderful friends and family.  I'm far more fortunate than so many people in the world and as long as I stay focused on that and live each day to the fullest I can't ask for anything more!  Besides worrying about what might happen tomorrow has never actually had any effect other than ruining my today.  I can honestly say I'm ready to go home, I feel like I finally have what I stayed for and it's a good feeling.  I wish the same for all of you.  I've just started reading a great book "29 Gifts how a month of giving can change your life" I expect it will have a profound effect on my life.  Have a great evening!