Once again I'm trying to get myself on a healing schedule - but it isn't the easiest task for me. I seem to be on a flipped schedule - so I rest during the day and am wide awake at night! This may be in part from the steroids but I'm sure at least some of it is due to sleeping during the day rather than staying awake and sleeping at night. I'm even taking the last steroid at 2:00 PM rather than any later so I can sleep at night, but I think even that isn't helping as much as it should since I'm sleeping during the day! Maybe I will be able to stay awake tomorrow - although I don't want to ignore my fatigue - so it has become a bit of a catch 22 - I'm not sure how exactly I plan to handle this, but tomorrow is another day so I have plenty of time to figure it out!
Monday I meet with my Oncologist and find out if he wants to run the chemo concerent with the radiation treatments or wait to start it until they are complete. I'm rather hoping he starts the chemo fairly soon - and I can't recall how often he said I would be getting chemo. I'm sure he told me, but I have no idea at this point what he said. The brain is a terrible thing to lose! In my case it may not be such a bad thing, it is forcing me to slow down and really look at what I'm doing & thinking - I probably should have been forced to do this years ago! I have stayed busy with all sorts of activities in order to keep from facing or dealing with the problems at hand! I've made a career out of avoidance - and done it quite well I might add - now is the time to face the music!
Tomorrow, assuming the Weather Channel is incorrect or at least changes their predicition, I hope we can go someplace different and enjoy the afternoon, we'll see what the weather is like! We're going to get a printer for up here too, apparently all sorts of places have rather cheap printers and they nail you with the cost of the ink! So we'll check that one out and look for his walking finger (toe) shoes - not to mention I want to start a self portrait - I feel like somehow, for some reason I need to document this, because I really don't believe cancer is going to kill me. We're all going to die, me included, but something else is going to be the way I go, this is more of a growth opportunity for me. A path which is showing me what's really important in life and what to let go of. So I will simply have to wait until time & God choose to show me what I need to know. They say patience is a virtue - definately one I need to cultivate because at the moment it isn't one of my strong suits! Oh well, another flaw which makes me human - damn I wanted to be perfect! Just kidding, that's the old Valerie, the new one is much more forgiving and a lot less hard & demanding of herself! Pretty cool way to be if you really look at it honestly! Well, anyway, I'm once again ready to fall asleep - so I will say sweet dreams & good night to all of you and I will see you tomorrow!
March 5, 2011
Late at Night Seems to be Best for Me
I'm going to miss my sister when she leaves in the morning, but I'm looking forward to seeing my husband when he arrives - so it's sort of a Catch 22 for me! I saw the most beautiful woman at the Clinic the other day, she must have been in her later 30s and had no hair but she had not only an incredible head but beautiful face as well, unbelievable! She was with her husband and was apparently getting chemo for something. I'm surprised how painless & quick radiation goes - although everyone says I won't see any side effects until probably the end of the second week or beginning of third, so by that time I should be almost through! I'm really enjoying my support groups, the weekly Tuesday evening one at The Gathering Place is awesome and I finally made it to the monthly breast cancer support group on Mondays which I throughly enjoyed. I'm surprised I didn't take part in these before, but I think it was a combination of not being ready and I'm not sure we really have support groups like this available in South Florida. I may have to start my own!
I saw a really cool portrait at Dewey's Coffee Shop in Shaker Square yesterday. I've decided to do a self-portrait in that style. I will probably do it directly on the coated board I bought at Michael's rather than doing it on paper the way the original was done. I should have taken a picture of it, my memory isn't what it use to be at the moment. Plus I need to find a photograph I intend to use and then break it down into colorfields the way that one was. Something for tomorrow! I think I maight just have to sign off now since I am about to fall back asleep! This is a good thing, I've quit fighting it, when I feel tired, I rest - I just have to embrace the treatments and whatever side effects they come with and move forward from there! Life is what it is and accepting it is the fastest most effective way to move forward! So on that note, I will wish you all sweet dreams and see you tomorrrow! Good night!
I saw a really cool portrait at Dewey's Coffee Shop in Shaker Square yesterday. I've decided to do a self-portrait in that style. I will probably do it directly on the coated board I bought at Michael's rather than doing it on paper the way the original was done. I should have taken a picture of it, my memory isn't what it use to be at the moment. Plus I need to find a photograph I intend to use and then break it down into colorfields the way that one was. Something for tomorrow! I think I maight just have to sign off now since I am about to fall back asleep! This is a good thing, I've quit fighting it, when I feel tired, I rest - I just have to embrace the treatments and whatever side effects they come with and move forward from there! Life is what it is and accepting it is the fastest most effective way to move forward! So on that note, I will wish you all sweet dreams and see you tomorrrow! Good night!
March 3, 2011
Still working on being a successful Blogger!
I can't say I think I'm a successful Blogger yet, I don't seem to be terribly good at keeping a schedule! Let's face it, I fully intended to blog everyday starting with my last post and I think I've lost half a month! We are now in March! But I guess I must be fair to myself, the first priority I have is to get well, everything else follows after that! So I think as annoying as I find it, that is what I'm doing! I just don't have a great deal of patience and doing what I'm suppossed to as opposed to everything or at best what I want to isn't exactly my strong suit! Let me rephrase that, it didn't use to be my strong suit, but it will become my new strong suit and I shall embrace it as a wonderful part of life!
It doesn't seem like Palm Beach County has a community center for Cancer Patients like "The Gathering Place" here in Cleveland. Actually, it wouldn't appear very many, if any places in the country have such an extensive sort of place. I'm planning to start something of that sort in the West Palm Beach area, and include Heart related problems since Maria has said she would be interested in helping with it (she is the heart related problems as opposed to cancer.) I realize Sari Center at Good Samaratin hospital offers massage and such but I don't think they have all the art classes, etc... that "the Gathering Place" offers. I figure if we start out small, and my sister has agreed (actually volunteered) to help with writing a grant proposal - we can move forward from there. We have a tremendous amount of good people willing to give of themselves but just aren't sure how to do that. Much the same way I'm haven't been sure how to do that - so I think Maria & I can provide be the catalyst for all of this and really make West Palm Beach a mecca for healing. If any of you have other (I hate to use the word disease) health issues you would like included and either yourself or someone who has this "problem" and is knowledgeable about it is interested in being included, let me know. We don't have to limit this to cancer & heart disease we can make it all about health. So far, as you may have guessed, I'm still thinking this through - it's still merely a concept in my mind - but it's something that really resonates with me. Perhaps this is the reason I attracted Cancer to myself or at least part of the reason, to not just give back but to accept the love and help being so freely given to me by all of you. Either way it has been a journey not to be ignored or dismissed lightly. I have all of you to thank for that, and I am extremely grateful for that. I think I will say good night on that note since it is way past my bedtime! Sweet dreams to all of you, hopefully I will blog again tomorrow if not, it will be as soon as I can!
It doesn't seem like Palm Beach County has a community center for Cancer Patients like "The Gathering Place" here in Cleveland. Actually, it wouldn't appear very many, if any places in the country have such an extensive sort of place. I'm planning to start something of that sort in the West Palm Beach area, and include Heart related problems since Maria has said she would be interested in helping with it (she is the heart related problems as opposed to cancer.) I realize Sari Center at Good Samaratin hospital offers massage and such but I don't think they have all the art classes, etc... that "the Gathering Place" offers. I figure if we start out small, and my sister has agreed (actually volunteered) to help with writing a grant proposal - we can move forward from there. We have a tremendous amount of good people willing to give of themselves but just aren't sure how to do that. Much the same way I'm haven't been sure how to do that - so I think Maria & I can provide be the catalyst for all of this and really make West Palm Beach a mecca for healing. If any of you have other (I hate to use the word disease) health issues you would like included and either yourself or someone who has this "problem" and is knowledgeable about it is interested in being included, let me know. We don't have to limit this to cancer & heart disease we can make it all about health. So far, as you may have guessed, I'm still thinking this through - it's still merely a concept in my mind - but it's something that really resonates with me. Perhaps this is the reason I attracted Cancer to myself or at least part of the reason, to not just give back but to accept the love and help being so freely given to me by all of you. Either way it has been a journey not to be ignored or dismissed lightly. I have all of you to thank for that, and I am extremely grateful for that. I think I will say good night on that note since it is way past my bedtime! Sweet dreams to all of you, hopefully I will blog again tomorrow if not, it will be as soon as I can!
February 18, 2011
Finally I'm Back
She's baaaackkkk!!!! I feel just like a poltergeist as Carol Anne looks in the TV and sees me!
I've finally come to a conclusion about why I see the port as rather scary and brain surgery, possible surgery at sometime in the future on the breast, etc... as not scary; I see the port as a continuation of cancer or a continuation of the disease rather than (as the others) a cure for some part of the disease. It's rather interesting but it just sort of came to me as soon as I let it go.
I don't feel as strong on my feet as I did before surgery, which is apparently normal, but my home healthcare nurse was quite taken aback by how well I was doing. Once again, this is my new normal, as they say. I'm not a believer in things not being able to return to how they once were; but by the same token, I have to accept that there are lessons here and it's not only important that I learn them, but that I also take them to heart and make the lesson part of my new world! It isn't really good for me or important that I do a million things all at once, but rather important that I fully concentrate on the one thing that I'm doing at the moment. I not only have to stay focused, but I have to stay in the moment, rather than try to constantly stay ahead of the moment by staying busy with a million things rather than concentrating on a particular aspect which is really what's important!
I think finally I'm connecting more to people than objects or material things which is not just a good thing, it's a very positive thing. Although I must admidt - painting my rocks isn't going to be as easy as I expected. It seems as though I'm going to have to prime these various areas, not just swish a little paint on them like I had first thought. It is much more translucent than I had anticipated. That's OK however, because it's teaching me not only patience, but also to do things the right way rather than the easiest way! There are probably times when I do need things done by a certain time or whatever, but that may just mean I should have started sooner rather than work faster. This seemed to be an ongoing problem in highschool - things always took longer than I anticipated them taking; plus I left them off until the last minute on top of it! I got better at this (finally) in college only after I decided to finish in an accelerated program - there would be no surviving had I not buckled down and set up not only a plan but a time schedule. This forced me to do things when they needed to be done, not when it was convenient to do them. Well, actually the last minute isn't necessarily convenient to do them, but it's all I ever allowed prior to my excelerated program! I will post some pictures of them as I finish each one. That may also be part of the reason small rocks only have one or two words written on them - you wouldn't know what they said otherwise. I have to think that one over - I originally thought about writing a poem or phrase - something longer than one or two words - but people won't necessarily be able to read it - or perhaps they just won't be interested in reading it! You'll see what I decide to do about that as well!
I think I may just have to leave you guys, I'm starting to get sleepy, which is understandable, I guess. I can't keep overriding the safety switch just to get more done! It's more important that I do what I'm doing well, rather than doing a lot of things quickly, yet poorly! It's just one more thing to think, about another gift, if you will! One last thing before I go - perhaps one of you knows - where should I look for fenugreek so I can make some tea from it! Whole Foods doesn't carry it, I asked! I thought we had some at home but I wouldn't begin to know where to start looking for it. It's apparently some sort of herb or spice and although I'm rather surprised Whole Foods doesn't stock it, I'm not sure if I should be looking in the spice isle or bulk area or what; any light you could shed on the subject would be greatly appreciated. Well, on that note I'm definately going to sleep. Sweet Dreams, see you tomorrow - hopefully I will be able to start being more consistent with my blog again, now that I'm hopefully through with this latest growth opportunity! It's always something, I just have to go with the flow!
I've finally come to a conclusion about why I see the port as rather scary and brain surgery, possible surgery at sometime in the future on the breast, etc... as not scary; I see the port as a continuation of cancer or a continuation of the disease rather than (as the others) a cure for some part of the disease. It's rather interesting but it just sort of came to me as soon as I let it go.
I don't feel as strong on my feet as I did before surgery, which is apparently normal, but my home healthcare nurse was quite taken aback by how well I was doing. Once again, this is my new normal, as they say. I'm not a believer in things not being able to return to how they once were; but by the same token, I have to accept that there are lessons here and it's not only important that I learn them, but that I also take them to heart and make the lesson part of my new world! It isn't really good for me or important that I do a million things all at once, but rather important that I fully concentrate on the one thing that I'm doing at the moment. I not only have to stay focused, but I have to stay in the moment, rather than try to constantly stay ahead of the moment by staying busy with a million things rather than concentrating on a particular aspect which is really what's important!
I think finally I'm connecting more to people than objects or material things which is not just a good thing, it's a very positive thing. Although I must admidt - painting my rocks isn't going to be as easy as I expected. It seems as though I'm going to have to prime these various areas, not just swish a little paint on them like I had first thought. It is much more translucent than I had anticipated. That's OK however, because it's teaching me not only patience, but also to do things the right way rather than the easiest way! There are probably times when I do need things done by a certain time or whatever, but that may just mean I should have started sooner rather than work faster. This seemed to be an ongoing problem in highschool - things always took longer than I anticipated them taking; plus I left them off until the last minute on top of it! I got better at this (finally) in college only after I decided to finish in an accelerated program - there would be no surviving had I not buckled down and set up not only a plan but a time schedule. This forced me to do things when they needed to be done, not when it was convenient to do them. Well, actually the last minute isn't necessarily convenient to do them, but it's all I ever allowed prior to my excelerated program! I will post some pictures of them as I finish each one. That may also be part of the reason small rocks only have one or two words written on them - you wouldn't know what they said otherwise. I have to think that one over - I originally thought about writing a poem or phrase - something longer than one or two words - but people won't necessarily be able to read it - or perhaps they just won't be interested in reading it! You'll see what I decide to do about that as well!
I think I may just have to leave you guys, I'm starting to get sleepy, which is understandable, I guess. I can't keep overriding the safety switch just to get more done! It's more important that I do what I'm doing well, rather than doing a lot of things quickly, yet poorly! It's just one more thing to think, about another gift, if you will! One last thing before I go - perhaps one of you knows - where should I look for fenugreek so I can make some tea from it! Whole Foods doesn't carry it, I asked! I thought we had some at home but I wouldn't begin to know where to start looking for it. It's apparently some sort of herb or spice and although I'm rather surprised Whole Foods doesn't stock it, I'm not sure if I should be looking in the spice isle or bulk area or what; any light you could shed on the subject would be greatly appreciated. Well, on that note I'm definately going to sleep. Sweet Dreams, see you tomorrow - hopefully I will be able to start being more consistent with my blog again, now that I'm hopefully through with this latest growth opportunity! It's always something, I just have to go with the flow!
February 3, 2011
What will today bring?
Well, I'll be interested to see what today is like. It isn't snowing where I am, at least not at the moment. Yesterday it was snowing really hard for a while, but the odd thing is, it doesn't seem to accumulate??? I'm not sure what happens to it. Another weird snow fact I don't get? It's not terrible relevant in West Palm Beach! It's OK though, because it's easier for me to walk around if we don't have deep snow, so I'm not complaining :-)
First of all, I want to apologize to those of you who have left comments, many of which I haven't even found to read, much less respond to! For someone who is actually pretty good with computers, this whole social networking thing just sends me over the top. I have some sort of mental block when it comes to my blog & facebook - but I'm working on it and fully intend to get my head around it. Perhaps I should just go find a six year old to come explain it to me - I'm sure they would have no problems! That's actually most likely the problem I'm trying to make it more complicated than it is! I just want to be sure you all understand it's nothing personal and I don't mean to be ignoring you - in fact, in most cases I don't even realize there's any thing to ignore! Worst part is, I was like this before the cancer/chemo brain so I can't even blame it on that! Well, I could but that would be rather dishonest! :-) If any of you have any tips about blogs or facebook - sort of "blogs & facebook for dummies" sort of stuff, I would certainly appreciate hearing them.
I keep waking up in what I consider the middle of the night, but I decided I'll just get up and take a nap later - I'll get more accomplished this way (or that's what I'm thinking will happen, I'll let you know.) I took some pictures of my henna tattoo now that the paste is gone and just the henna stain remains, so let me know what you think (and hopefully I can locate the comment :-) - that sounds so ridiculous!) I think it looks really cool - but I'll have better pictures this weekend, it's hard taking them myself with my phone!
First of all, I want to apologize to those of you who have left comments, many of which I haven't even found to read, much less respond to! For someone who is actually pretty good with computers, this whole social networking thing just sends me over the top. I have some sort of mental block when it comes to my blog & facebook - but I'm working on it and fully intend to get my head around it. Perhaps I should just go find a six year old to come explain it to me - I'm sure they would have no problems! That's actually most likely the problem I'm trying to make it more complicated than it is! I just want to be sure you all understand it's nothing personal and I don't mean to be ignoring you - in fact, in most cases I don't even realize there's any thing to ignore! Worst part is, I was like this before the cancer/chemo brain so I can't even blame it on that! Well, I could but that would be rather dishonest! :-) If any of you have any tips about blogs or facebook - sort of "blogs & facebook for dummies" sort of stuff, I would certainly appreciate hearing them.
I keep waking up in what I consider the middle of the night, but I decided I'll just get up and take a nap later - I'll get more accomplished this way (or that's what I'm thinking will happen, I'll let you know.) I took some pictures of my henna tattoo now that the paste is gone and just the henna stain remains, so let me know what you think (and hopefully I can locate the comment :-) - that sounds so ridiculous!) I think it looks really cool - but I'll have better pictures this weekend, it's hard taking them myself with my phone!
I can see having a lot of fun with henna tattoos & temporary tattoos (which look like regular tattoos, colors and all but wear off in a week or so.) Who needs hair if you can have this much fun without it? Especially at home, up here (Ohio) it's too cold to go outside without a hat and such, at least in the winter, but this would be perfect for normal Florida weather (this year things seem to be a bit odd, colder than usual) but normally, hey this is perfect! I may start a new trend - and we could have tattoo parties and a bunch of us get together and paint each others heads! What could be more fun? We certainly wouldn't need all the training that would be necessary to give each other haircuts (at least haircuts we could be seen in public with!)
Well, I think I'll sign off now and hopefully I'll be back later (after a late AM early PM nap!) Thanks again for listening talk to you again soon!
January 31, 2011
My Henna Tattoo
Kristina did my henna tattoo - it's awesome! I may never grow hair again, this is just so cool. I'll be able to remove the paste before I go to bed tonight and it will start out orange and then turn brown within a couple of days. This was just so much fun, better than going for a haircut :-). Let me know what you think about it. Here's a link to Kristina's website http://www.henname.net/ I'm thinking about learning how to do this and when I get home if there are other women going through chemo who want a henna tattoo instead of wigs or hats, I can do tattoos for them. Sort of my way of giving back! So if any of you know someone who's interested, let me know!
Today is a great day, it's probably in the 20s, not really sure, but it's sunny, dry and not windy so it's just a real crisp, refreshing day! This is just turning out to be a fabulous day for me. I'm going to make my daily excursion over to Dave's Market - this time I actually do need something, organic cranberry juice. I think I'll get a lemon, as well, there's no need to remove the henna paste with organic lemon juice!
Had a great time yesterday roamed around the mall and then went to Whole Foods for dinner. We had a good time. I'm starting to get tired, I got up early and stayed up because I was excited about my tattoo! There's another storm system moving across the country, but I'm not sure if it's supposed to effect us - it's difficult to tell from thos maps they have on the weather channel. I think even if it does effect us, it should have moved through by Friday, so he shouldn't have a problem driving in from Detroit. I'm preparing myself, I have no intention of getting sick again when I have someone visiting from out of town! That was a total drag, getting sick every time some came to visit! I'm not sure what exactly that was all about! I'm sure it served some purpose on some level.
I found out about transportation to the Gathering Place - they can provide it once a week, so I think I'll go to the support group held on Tuesday evenings. I think I'll get the most out of that. I just have to make sure they provide a ride in the evenings, but Betsy didn't say anything about them not doing that. Therefore, I'll assume it's covered, unless I hear else wise!
Well, I think I'll say caio and head out - i get these random thoughts hopefully this will not continue happening, otherwise I'm going to have to go by the Apple Store and that can be
dangerous! OK good bye, I'll talk to you. Later.
Today is a great day, it's probably in the 20s, not really sure, but it's sunny, dry and not windy so it's just a real crisp, refreshing day! This is just turning out to be a fabulous day for me. I'm going to make my daily excursion over to Dave's Market - this time I actually do need something, organic cranberry juice. I think I'll get a lemon, as well, there's no need to remove the henna paste with organic lemon juice!
Had a great time yesterday roamed around the mall and then went to Whole Foods for dinner. We had a good time. I'm starting to get tired, I got up early and stayed up because I was excited about my tattoo! There's another storm system moving across the country, but I'm not sure if it's supposed to effect us - it's difficult to tell from thos maps they have on the weather channel. I think even if it does effect us, it should have moved through by Friday, so he shouldn't have a problem driving in from Detroit. I'm preparing myself, I have no intention of getting sick again when I have someone visiting from out of town! That was a total drag, getting sick every time some came to visit! I'm not sure what exactly that was all about! I'm sure it served some purpose on some level.
I found out about transportation to the Gathering Place - they can provide it once a week, so I think I'll go to the support group held on Tuesday evenings. I think I'll get the most out of that. I just have to make sure they provide a ride in the evenings, but Betsy didn't say anything about them not doing that. Therefore, I'll assume it's covered, unless I hear else wise!
Well, I think I'll say caio and head out - i get these random thoughts hopefully this will not continue happening, otherwise I'm going to have to go by the Apple Store and that can be
dangerous! OK good bye, I'll talk to you. Later.
January 29, 2011
What a Great Saturday
How do you like my new look? This is GI Val! Can't wear it outside, because it's too cold, but I'll be able to in Florida :-)
I had a great day today, went to "The Gathering Place" I guess it's like a community center for people with cancer. I met some really wonderful people and just had a real nice time.
The weather was not to good this morning, it was snowing and the raods were slippery in places, but by this afternoon, everything was fine. There's some kind of program on the weather channel, but I'll turn it back on in a little while and see what tomorrow is supposed to be like. I might take the bus down to the shopping center by Whole Foods. I don't really care about going shopping, but there isn't too much else to do that's inside and easy to get to. I have to find an alternate method to get to the Gathering Place, because I could enjoy spending the day there several times a week, but it's rather far away, so the cab fare is prohibitive. But I've no doubt I'll find another way there. It's nice being able to hang out with people that have either gone through the same sort of things or are going through them now. That's the funny (strange) thing about cancer, it makes a lot of people really uncomfortable, they don't know what to say so it makes for a rather awkward situation or they just avoid you altogether! I was hoping that was the sort of environment the Gathering Place would provide, but it surpassed my greatest hopes. I just can't wait to go back there. Well, I think I'm going to sign off now, it's almost my bedtime (8:30 PM)! So sweet dreams everyone and I'll speak with you tomorrow! Good night.
January 28, 2011
Plan B
OK, I didn't post a picture of my henna tattoo, because you can't really see it. I'm not sure what exactly we did wrong, but it mostly washed off with just a very faint image left. So I was working on plan B - wasn't exactly sure what plan B was going to be, but I had a couple of ideas bouncing around and then the phone rings - it's the librarian from The Gathering Place - she found the woman who does the henna tattoos, she's still doing them and she gave me her phone number and email address - I have an appointment for Monday at 11 AM! Here again, everything is falling into place. God is obviously cool with my tattoo idea! I think it's great beacause when women see me with it, it gives them another option. We don't have to wear a wig and try to pretend we're the same as everyone else, we can embrace the hand we've been dealt and play it! It's actually rather empowering when you shave your head and just throw all the worries and concerns of "what do I look like" to the wind. It sort of takes us back to the essence of who we are, minus all the I have to do this and look like this stuff we've become so accustomed to. This really is such an amazing learning experience - I would like you all to be able to experience it, but not to have to do it through cancer! Let's find you a little bit easier way :-)!
Looks like a pretty nice day out, I thinki it's in the 20's and there's just the lightest of snow flying around, so I'm going to take a walk over to Dave's Market and maybe stop and grab a bite at the bagel shop on the way! I really feel so fortunate and grateful - I can only hope that I find a way to give some of the blessings that I'm receiving to other people with cancer. It's all in how you look at it, I really believe that. Of course, I can't begin to say enough about the Theta Healing - I wouldn't have made it this far in the headspace that I'm in without the Theta Healing. Once I move a little further into my treatment and things are a bit more settled, or at least on a pretty steady schedule, I want to take the training, I think it will not only be great for me, but I can help other people also. I've always felt like God had some sort of purpose for me, I just wasn't sure what it was, somehow, this is it, I just have to listen quietly and watch for the signs to know exactly what he wants me to do, but I know in my heart that it's very strongly connected with this whole experience. That's one of the things that makes this all worthwhile - if you can live your life to help other people and in some small way make the world a better or at least brighter place - then no matter what you go through or what happens, it's all good!
Well, I think I'm going to head off to Dave's Market, if I go mid-day, it's the warmest :-) Talk to you all soon, have a fabulous day!
Looks like a pretty nice day out, I thinki it's in the 20's and there's just the lightest of snow flying around, so I'm going to take a walk over to Dave's Market and maybe stop and grab a bite at the bagel shop on the way! I really feel so fortunate and grateful - I can only hope that I find a way to give some of the blessings that I'm receiving to other people with cancer. It's all in how you look at it, I really believe that. Of course, I can't begin to say enough about the Theta Healing - I wouldn't have made it this far in the headspace that I'm in without the Theta Healing. Once I move a little further into my treatment and things are a bit more settled, or at least on a pretty steady schedule, I want to take the training, I think it will not only be great for me, but I can help other people also. I've always felt like God had some sort of purpose for me, I just wasn't sure what it was, somehow, this is it, I just have to listen quietly and watch for the signs to know exactly what he wants me to do, but I know in my heart that it's very strongly connected with this whole experience. That's one of the things that makes this all worthwhile - if you can live your life to help other people and in some small way make the world a better or at least brighter place - then no matter what you go through or what happens, it's all good!
Well, I think I'm going to head off to Dave's Market, if I go mid-day, it's the warmest :-) Talk to you all soon, have a fabulous day!
January 27, 2011
Chemo Brain
Wow, I learned a lot last night, seems there's something called chemo brain - and I've got it! Which is OK, I feel so much better that the memory loss and things I'm experiencing are chemo brain (because they sound just like the rest of you are talking about) rather than being problems from the brain lesions or gamma knife treatment! I hadn't even heard of chemo brain until I was exploring the chemochicks.com website. There's some great stuff there.
I can't wait to get home and start reading my book, "Your brain after Chemo" it's really rather interesting you don't hear much about this, but after I started checking seems like there are a bunch of books and such about it. I'm thinking when I go to the Gathering Place on Saturday it should also prove informative because I'll be around people who have already gone through the same things. I'll learn from their experiences instead of having to reinvent the wheel myself!
This afternoon, I got my henna tattoo, I have to wait as long as possible before I rinse it off so it will stain well. I'll do it just before I go to bed. It looks cool, but the stencil lines are still there (they wash off) so I won't get the full effect until I wash it off! It's pretty exciting, at least to me, this would be a great afternoon activity, I might talk to them about it at the Gathering Place. We could do each other, it isn't difficult, it's just you can't do your own head! I'll take a picture and post it when I wash the henna paste off!
I'm still sitting in the lobby of the main building at the clinic, it's nice, a lot of peole around and it gets me out of my apartment! I'll probably head home in a little while. It seems lie it's so late, but it isn't even 7:00 PM - I guess just because it's dark, I don't know! Well, I think I'm going to sign off and head home, I'll post a picture later, so you can see how it looks! Then I'll do some more exploring online and reading my book. That way I'll have more info for you guys tomorrow! It's really interesting learning all this. It's even better being able to share it with people. Well, good. Night everyone I'll talk to you tomorrow!
I can't wait to get home and start reading my book, "Your brain after Chemo" it's really rather interesting you don't hear much about this, but after I started checking seems like there are a bunch of books and such about it. I'm thinking when I go to the Gathering Place on Saturday it should also prove informative because I'll be around people who have already gone through the same things. I'll learn from their experiences instead of having to reinvent the wheel myself!
This afternoon, I got my henna tattoo, I have to wait as long as possible before I rinse it off so it will stain well. I'll do it just before I go to bed. It looks cool, but the stencil lines are still there (they wash off) so I won't get the full effect until I wash it off! It's pretty exciting, at least to me, this would be a great afternoon activity, I might talk to them about it at the Gathering Place. We could do each other, it isn't difficult, it's just you can't do your own head! I'll take a picture and post it when I wash the henna paste off!
I'm still sitting in the lobby of the main building at the clinic, it's nice, a lot of peole around and it gets me out of my apartment! I'll probably head home in a little while. It seems lie it's so late, but it isn't even 7:00 PM - I guess just because it's dark, I don't know! Well, I think I'm going to sign off and head home, I'll post a picture later, so you can see how it looks! Then I'll do some more exploring online and reading my book. That way I'll have more info for you guys tomorrow! It's really interesting learning all this. It's even better being able to share it with people. Well, good. Night everyone I'll talk to you tomorrow!
January 25, 2011
A New Perspective
I'm feeling much more positive and in part it's because I'm getting back to viewing life with gratitude, it makes a world of difference. When I'm grateful it can make the seemingly worst senario quite beautiful. I think in being sick and all, I started to lose that and Was edging over towards feeling sorry for myself and that's someplace I don't want to go! So I'm not going too :-)
I believe I may be developing more patience or maybe it's just a different outlook, but when I was in the bagel shop there were a couple women with little kids sitting next to me - in the past I often tended to get a bit annoyed with the noise and chatter. This time I found them fascinating - they were having such a great time, even taking the tray over to the trash can to empty it was obviously a fun experience for them. It was refreshing to watch, but it was also quite interesting, a lot can be learned from little kids. They aren't worried about what's happening tomorrow or next week, they're just enjoying the moment. They also find pleasure in whatever they're doing, emptying the trash or whatever. I'm trying to learn from this and trying to be more like them. Kids can be great teachers, we all knew what was important when we were kids then in the process of growing up society took all that away - so now we need to relearn everything!
Cats are great teachers as well, in fact, they are often referred to as zen masters. I could learn a lot from my cats. They don't seem to get flustered about things or worry they just chill and go with the flow. There's a tremendous amount to be said for staying in the moment. That's my current goal to stay in the moment and I'm having some success at it. This is something that eluded me in the past, but I'm becoming more comfortable with it. As long as I'm progressing that's all that matters! It's the same thing with my health, I'm following my schedule and doing my part and I feel great, so I take that as positive! Life is good as they say and I can't ask for anything more than that! That's plenty! Well, I'm going to sign off now, so have a great afternoon and stay warm!
Cats are great teachers as well, in fact they're often referred to as zen masters.
I believe I may be developing more patience or maybe it's just a different outlook, but when I was in the bagel shop there were a couple women with little kids sitting next to me - in the past I often tended to get a bit annoyed with the noise and chatter. This time I found them fascinating - they were having such a great time, even taking the tray over to the trash can to empty it was obviously a fun experience for them. It was refreshing to watch, but it was also quite interesting, a lot can be learned from little kids. They aren't worried about what's happening tomorrow or next week, they're just enjoying the moment. They also find pleasure in whatever they're doing, emptying the trash or whatever. I'm trying to learn from this and trying to be more like them. Kids can be great teachers, we all knew what was important when we were kids then in the process of growing up society took all that away - so now we need to relearn everything!
Cats are great teachers as well, in fact, they are often referred to as zen masters. I could learn a lot from my cats. They don't seem to get flustered about things or worry they just chill and go with the flow. There's a tremendous amount to be said for staying in the moment. That's my current goal to stay in the moment and I'm having some success at it. This is something that eluded me in the past, but I'm becoming more comfortable with it. As long as I'm progressing that's all that matters! It's the same thing with my health, I'm following my schedule and doing my part and I feel great, so I take that as positive! Life is good as they say and I can't ask for anything more than that! That's plenty! Well, I'm going to sign off now, so have a great afternoon and stay warm!
Cats are great teachers as well, in fact they're often referred to as zen masters.
January 24, 2011
Snow,snow everywhere
We've had some cold weather and snow but nothing too bad when I look at what's happening in other parts of the country. It makes me grateful! This goes to prove everything is relative - it's in the low 20's today and it seems like a balmy day, rather temperate! A few months ago I would never have believed I could have felt this way! :-) Life's full of surprises, that's what keeps it so interesting.
I'm getting really excited, My henna stencils arrived in the mail this morning and I found someone who's going to put it on for me Thursday! This is going to be cool, I'm really looking forward to it. It's rather amazing, cancer has provided me experiences I would never have experienced otherwise. Let's face it, I wouldn't have just gone out, shaved my head and tried a henna tattoo - but hey, that's what I'm doing now! It actually has provided some great experiences and I feel I'm going to come out of this a much stronger, more well rounded, just different person than I would have been if life had just drifted along status quo!
It's almost time for me to make my way across the street to Dave's Market - another exciting adventure at the grocery store! What's that they say, if you aren't content with what you have, you'll never be content with what you want. So I'm learning to be content with exploring the grocery store as an outing on snowy cold days! In fact if I really get energetic when I get home I may make Joni's birthday cookies. This actually partially depends on what I find at Dave's - because the boxes I bought to package them in to mail are to small for the size cookie cutters I have! Not the best planning, but I just never even thought about it. So wish me luck, actually wish Joni luck - she really wants her cookies :-)
Seems like we should have more accumulation of snow as much as it's been snowing. Not that I am complaining! We haven't been having heavy snow storms, but light flurries consistently over the last week seems like they would have yielded a larger accumulation than what we have. I'm still learning all these little winter weather nuances! They are going to come in very handy in South Florida when I get home! :-)
Well I think I'm going to sign off now and go get snowed on! There's one thing I actually remembered from years ago - when you get snowed on outside it's fine, but make sure you brush it all off as soon asbyou go inside or you'll be soaking wet. I learned that the hard way :-) didn't stop to think that heat melts snow, so I may just have well been standing out in the rain! It was rather funny after I got dried off! See you all later, have a fabulous day and remember to savor whatever you're doing. You can find joy in the most seemingly mundane activity if you look hard enough!
I'm getting really excited, My henna stencils arrived in the mail this morning and I found someone who's going to put it on for me Thursday! This is going to be cool, I'm really looking forward to it. It's rather amazing, cancer has provided me experiences I would never have experienced otherwise. Let's face it, I wouldn't have just gone out, shaved my head and tried a henna tattoo - but hey, that's what I'm doing now! It actually has provided some great experiences and I feel I'm going to come out of this a much stronger, more well rounded, just different person than I would have been if life had just drifted along status quo!
It's almost time for me to make my way across the street to Dave's Market - another exciting adventure at the grocery store! What's that they say, if you aren't content with what you have, you'll never be content with what you want. So I'm learning to be content with exploring the grocery store as an outing on snowy cold days! In fact if I really get energetic when I get home I may make Joni's birthday cookies. This actually partially depends on what I find at Dave's - because the boxes I bought to package them in to mail are to small for the size cookie cutters I have! Not the best planning, but I just never even thought about it. So wish me luck, actually wish Joni luck - she really wants her cookies :-)
Seems like we should have more accumulation of snow as much as it's been snowing. Not that I am complaining! We haven't been having heavy snow storms, but light flurries consistently over the last week seems like they would have yielded a larger accumulation than what we have. I'm still learning all these little winter weather nuances! They are going to come in very handy in South Florida when I get home! :-)
Well I think I'm going to sign off now and go get snowed on! There's one thing I actually remembered from years ago - when you get snowed on outside it's fine, but make sure you brush it all off as soon asbyou go inside or you'll be soaking wet. I learned that the hard way :-) didn't stop to think that heat melts snow, so I may just have well been standing out in the rain! It was rather funny after I got dried off! See you all later, have a fabulous day and remember to savor whatever you're doing. You can find joy in the most seemingly mundane activity if you look hard enough!
January 19, 2011
Ode to a Steroid
I cannot believe how incredible steroids are! I was so sick for three days I could barely get out of bed and all I was able to keep down was apple juice & popsicles - finally yesterday I was able to take some tyLenol & an anti-nausea pill and make it one block to the grocery to get some apples which is about all I felt I could eat. Then in the afternoon, I received a call back from my Neurosurgeon and he Agreed we'd try the steroids for a couple of weeks to see if that helped. (previously the Neurosurgeon Resident on call felt it could be caused by the pain medication I started taking for arthritis in the hip). Well, let me tell you - one and a half hours after taking a two milligram pill I felt like a new person! I had my first real food in four days - an enchilada, black beans and corn! I couldn't believe it. I have felt down (less positive and grateful) since my hospital stay the beginning of December, then the flu and then this latest bout - until I took that steroid, I feel like I'm almost back to where I was six weeks ago or something. It really feels great! This is effecting my husband as well as me - his friend interviewed him for his website and here is a link to what he had to say: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ta6GgwBTc68&sns=em
Can you believe after taking the steroid yesterday, I was up baking cookies to bring with me for my chemo see ion at 11:30 last night! Thats a first, usually I'm sound asleep by then. Getting ready to go check in early for my chemo session and see if I schmuze a bit if I can get them to shift me around until one of my favorite nurses is up! They let you request a waitress when you go out to eat, so it seems reasonable. We'll see how I do! If Neil were here he'd get me the nurse I want - so I just have to pretend I'm Neil and do what he would do. We'll see how it goes! :-). Well, on that note I'm going to sign off and go practice my schmuzing - wish me luck!
Can you believe after taking the steroid yesterday, I was up baking cookies to bring with me for my chemo see ion at 11:30 last night! Thats a first, usually I'm sound asleep by then. Getting ready to go check in early for my chemo session and see if I schmuze a bit if I can get them to shift me around until one of my favorite nurses is up! They let you request a waitress when you go out to eat, so it seems reasonable. We'll see how I do! If Neil were here he'd get me the nurse I want - so I just have to pretend I'm Neil and do what he would do. We'll see how it goes! :-). Well, on that note I'm going to sign off and go practice my schmuzing - wish me luck!
January 14, 2011
Still Snowing
It is still snowing! Just light flurries, but still snowing. That is just amazing to me, it never snows this long in West Palm Beach! :-) just hanging out at the bagel shop while I wait for the wash to finish so I can put it in the dryer. I can't believe the way I'm doing laundry - I just throw everything in the same load. That's pitiful, but I'm cheap! I remember in college when the washer was a quarter and the dryer a dime - now it's a $1.50 for each machine! Talk about inflation!
I called my sister and she dais she was on the other line with Bellview, so I asked if it was the mental hospital but apparently it's a drywall company! I figured she might be committing John! :-) Apparently the guy at Bellview got a real laugh out of it!
Well, it's time to go back and take care of the laundry. So I'm going to sign off now and I'll try to blog a bit more this afternoon! So have a fantastic day.
I called my sister and she dais she was on the other line with Bellview, so I asked if it was the mental hospital but apparently it's a drywall company! I figured she might be committing John! :-) Apparently the guy at Bellview got a real laugh out of it!
Well, it's time to go back and take care of the laundry. So I'm going to sign off now and I'll try to blog a bit more this afternoon! So have a fantastic day.
January 13, 2011
Second Gamma Knife
Well, I had my second gamma knife treatment yesterday, seemed to me it went well. It was a long day I got there a little after 7 AM and didn't leave until about 6:30 PM, but it wasn't bad. There were only 3 of us having treatment, but there were about 6 or 7 friends and family with the other two and everyone was real nice, so it was almost like a big party out in the waiting room! We all had a pretty good time I think. In fact there was one man who was a retired drywaller - so that was interesting, the two of us talked for a long time. I enjoyed it, it's been awhile since I've been around people in the construction field, so it was like old home week! It was also real nice having a long conversation about something unrelated to illnesses, which unfortunately is what most of us have in common!
I'm feeling real good, even my hip (a little arthritis) is feeling pretty good today - so hey life is good! Even the snow has let up for a little bit, we probably have around 8" here - varies by where in town you are, actually it can even vary by which side of the street you're on. That one I haven't figured out yet, seems like at least the roof and the middle of the yard would have some, even if wind was keeping it away from the edge of the house, but no - one side of the street can have nothing. You would never even know it snowed unless you looked to the other sid of the street! I'll have to ask Neil about that one, maybe they studied it in meteorology class.
I went to the grocery and unknowingly dropped a glove, luckily someone turned it in - it's entirely too cold for a gal from Florida to go out without gloves! I had only gone next door which is why I didn't put them on and therefor notice it was missing, but when I got ready to go out, I saw it was gone! I got real lucky I hadn't gone far and someone turned it in! I was trying to figure out where I could get some gloves close by - Starbucks doesn't carry them and neither does the grocery! :-). I would have been out of luck! Well frozen is actually what I would have been! But alas, I got lucky :-).
This is a great afternoon, have time to blog and catch up on a few phone calls, and still playing phone tag with a few others! That makes life interesting I guess. I'm realizing now that the holiday movies are over and I've been watching regular programing for a couple of weeks - why we don't have TV at home. I'm getting totally burnt out on it! Luckily I have some good books to read - people think we're crazy not having TV but I just find it to be a huge waste of time for me and after a little while, boring! I guess it's what your use to! Well, I'm going to run, my friend is coming over and we'll probably go to whole foods so that will be fun! Talk to you all later! Thanks for all the prayers and support!
I'm feeling real good, even my hip (a little arthritis) is feeling pretty good today - so hey life is good! Even the snow has let up for a little bit, we probably have around 8" here - varies by where in town you are, actually it can even vary by which side of the street you're on. That one I haven't figured out yet, seems like at least the roof and the middle of the yard would have some, even if wind was keeping it away from the edge of the house, but no - one side of the street can have nothing. You would never even know it snowed unless you looked to the other sid of the street! I'll have to ask Neil about that one, maybe they studied it in meteorology class.
I went to the grocery and unknowingly dropped a glove, luckily someone turned it in - it's entirely too cold for a gal from Florida to go out without gloves! I had only gone next door which is why I didn't put them on and therefor notice it was missing, but when I got ready to go out, I saw it was gone! I got real lucky I hadn't gone far and someone turned it in! I was trying to figure out where I could get some gloves close by - Starbucks doesn't carry them and neither does the grocery! :-). I would have been out of luck! Well frozen is actually what I would have been! But alas, I got lucky :-).
This is a great afternoon, have time to blog and catch up on a few phone calls, and still playing phone tag with a few others! That makes life interesting I guess. I'm realizing now that the holiday movies are over and I've been watching regular programing for a couple of weeks - why we don't have TV at home. I'm getting totally burnt out on it! Luckily I have some good books to read - people think we're crazy not having TV but I just find it to be a huge waste of time for me and after a little while, boring! I guess it's what your use to! Well, I'm going to run, my friend is coming over and we'll probably go to whole foods so that will be fun! Talk to you all later! Thanks for all the prayers and support!
January 10, 2011
Another Exciting Night in the ER
Well, I had another exciting night in the Emergency Room, Saturday! At least they didn't admit me, but I was there for 7 hours. That probably wouldn't have been so bad except it was at night, didn't leave until 2AM and I'm not awake at such hours! I'm an 8:00 bedtime type of gal - but I can probably recite the tragic events of Saturday AM in Tucson, since I heard it over & over on CNN (for 7 hours). It's unfortunate that in a matter of minutes, so many lives can be changed forever. It makes me realize just how fortunate I am, while I don't really have control of what's happening in my life, I'm at least alive and able to make choices. I fail to think about just how quickly that could be taken from me, it takes an event like this one to bring that home. When I look at it like that, 7 hours in the Emergency Room is nothing but a slight inconvenience!
I had to run some errands today, so I decided to spend some time at the main building at the clinic. They'll probably have some kind of music here this afternoon, plus there's a great little Mexican place, so I can have something yummy. It's nice for a change of pace! That's my story anyway & I'm sticking to it! :-). They need to have those little smiley face icons on blogs, like they have in mail programs! I'm pushing it now, aren't I? It's amazing how all these buildings are connected - some just with hallways and the actual buildings connect others with walkways over the street or tunnels underneath it. I guess it's important here in the winter, living in South Florida, you tend not to think about that type of thing.
Well, there's someone playing the piano, I think this was just an impromptu thing, he appears to just be someone who was sitting in the lobby, but he plays beautifully! There goes someone with a service dog. It looks like Jolly, only a little be lighter color coat! He was wearing a blue vest, can't remember but seems like that's what they wear when they're in training? I'll have to check into that.
Today is a pretty nice day so far, although supposedly it's 17 degrees, but it doesn't feel like it. They have had all sorts of snow warnings, but we haven't had any in several days, even then it was just light flurries. Cleveland seems to be like Florida - if you don't like the weather, wait 15 minutes and it will change!
I didn't sleep well last night, seems like I woke up hourly, not really sure what that was about. Surprisingly I don't feel tired from a night of disturbed sleep, so that's a good thing! Wednesday is my second gamma knife treatment. The first one was rather successful, all four tumors shrunk! A new one has appeared, which doesn't sound like it's that unusual, in fact it sounds like it's rather common to have multiple new ones appear - so this is another good thing! Plus, this time it will be very easy to take care of the pin sites, because there's no hair in the way!
Well, I think I'm going to have to sign off now, there's a burrito call ing my name! Talk to you all soon!
I had to run some errands today, so I decided to spend some time at the main building at the clinic. They'll probably have some kind of music here this afternoon, plus there's a great little Mexican place, so I can have something yummy. It's nice for a change of pace! That's my story anyway & I'm sticking to it! :-). They need to have those little smiley face icons on blogs, like they have in mail programs! I'm pushing it now, aren't I? It's amazing how all these buildings are connected - some just with hallways and the actual buildings connect others with walkways over the street or tunnels underneath it. I guess it's important here in the winter, living in South Florida, you tend not to think about that type of thing.
Well, there's someone playing the piano, I think this was just an impromptu thing, he appears to just be someone who was sitting in the lobby, but he plays beautifully! There goes someone with a service dog. It looks like Jolly, only a little be lighter color coat! He was wearing a blue vest, can't remember but seems like that's what they wear when they're in training? I'll have to check into that.
Today is a pretty nice day so far, although supposedly it's 17 degrees, but it doesn't feel like it. They have had all sorts of snow warnings, but we haven't had any in several days, even then it was just light flurries. Cleveland seems to be like Florida - if you don't like the weather, wait 15 minutes and it will change!
I didn't sleep well last night, seems like I woke up hourly, not really sure what that was about. Surprisingly I don't feel tired from a night of disturbed sleep, so that's a good thing! Wednesday is my second gamma knife treatment. The first one was rather successful, all four tumors shrunk! A new one has appeared, which doesn't sound like it's that unusual, in fact it sounds like it's rather common to have multiple new ones appear - so this is another good thing! Plus, this time it will be very easy to take care of the pin sites, because there's no hair in the way!
Well, I think I'm going to have to sign off now, there's a burrito call ing my name! Talk to you all soon!
January 5, 2011
Finally feeling better!
Sorry I disappeared for awhile, I've had the flu - actually I still have it, but these antibiotics are beginning to get it under control. It was rough for awhile, barely got out of the bed for 4-5 days. Had my brain MRI yesterday, the four original tumors resounded well, they all shrank - there's one new one on the other side, so I have gamma knife again next Wednesday. The doctor feels pretty positive that this one should respond well since all the others did and apparently it isn't uncommon for people to have multiple new tumors when they have their follow up scan, so only one is great!
I'm having my chemo now, so that's a good thing, I couldn't have it last week because I was running a fever with my cold. I finally feel like I'm coming back - this cold or flu has taken more of a toll on me than having gamma knife surgery and chemo treatments! How's that for unbelievable! That's hard to believe, but whatever is going around this year is hitting everyone hard. I rarely get colds or the flu, so I think of them as being nothing - but I guess it's like Hurricanes - some are nothing more than inconvenient, others can be devastating! This is definitely an "Andrew"!
Well, the premeds are are making me woozy so I'm going to sign off. Hopefully I'll feel up to blogging again tomorrow!
I'm having my chemo now, so that's a good thing, I couldn't have it last week because I was running a fever with my cold. I finally feel like I'm coming back - this cold or flu has taken more of a toll on me than having gamma knife surgery and chemo treatments! How's that for unbelievable! That's hard to believe, but whatever is going around this year is hitting everyone hard. I rarely get colds or the flu, so I think of them as being nothing - but I guess it's like Hurricanes - some are nothing more than inconvenient, others can be devastating! This is definitely an "Andrew"!
Well, the premeds are are making me woozy so I'm going to sign off. Hopefully I'll feel up to blogging again tomorrow!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
