Finally I'm Back

She's baaaackkkk!!!!  I feel just like a poltergeist as Carol Anne looks in the TV and sees me!

I've finally come to a conclusion about why I see the port as rather scary and brain surgery, possible surgery at sometime in the future on the breast, etc... as not scary; I see the port as a continuation of cancer or a continuation of the disease rather than (as the others) a cure for some part of the disease.  It's rather interesting but it just sort of came to me as soon as I let it go. 

I don't feel as strong on my feet as I did before surgery, which is apparently normal, but my home healthcare nurse was quite taken aback by how well I was doing.  Once again, this is my new normal, as they say.  I'm not a believer in things not being able to return to how they once were; but by the same token, I have to accept that there are lessons here and it's not only important that I learn them, but that I also take them to heart and make the lesson part of my new world!  It isn't really good for me or important that I do a million things all at once, but rather important that I fully concentrate on the one thing that I'm doing at the moment.  I not only have to stay focused, but I have to stay in the moment, rather than try to constantly stay ahead of the moment by staying busy with a million things rather than concentrating on a particular aspect which is really what's important! 

I think finally I'm connecting more to people than objects or material things which is not just a good thing, it's a very positive thing.  Although I must admidt - painting my rocks isn't going to be as easy as I expected.  It seems as though I'm going to have to prime these various areas, not just swish a little paint on them like I had first thought.  It is much more translucent than I had anticipated.  That's OK however, because it's teaching me not only patience, but also to do things the right way rather than the easiest way!  There are probably times when I do need things done by a certain time or whatever, but that may just mean I should have started sooner rather than work faster.  This seemed to be an ongoing problem in highschool - things always took longer than I anticipated them taking; plus I left them off until the last minute on top of it!  I got better at this (finally) in college only after I decided to finish in an accelerated program - there would be no surviving had I not buckled down and set up not only a plan but a time schedule.  This forced me to do things when they needed to be done, not when it was convenient to do them.  Well, actually the last minute isn't necessarily convenient to do them, but it's all I ever allowed prior to my excelerated program!  I will post some pictures of them as I finish each one.  That may also be part of the reason small rocks only have one or two words written on them - you wouldn't know what they said otherwise.  I have to think that one over - I originally thought about writing a poem or phrase - something longer than one or two words - but people won't necessarily be able to read it - or perhaps they just won't be interested in reading it!  You'll see what I decide to do about that as well! 

I think I may just have to leave you guys, I'm starting to get sleepy, which is understandable, I guess.  I can't keep overriding the safety switch just to get more done!  It's more important that I do what I'm doing well, rather than doing a lot of things quickly, yet poorly!  It's just one more thing to think, about another gift, if you will!  One last thing before I go - perhaps one of you knows - where should I look for fenugreek so I can make some tea from it!  Whole Foods doesn't carry it, I asked!  I thought we had some at home but I wouldn't begin to know where to start looking for it.  It's apparently some sort of herb or spice and although I'm rather surprised Whole Foods doesn't stock it, I'm not sure if I should be looking in the spice isle or bulk area or what; any light you could shed on the subject would be greatly appreciated.  Well, on that note I'm definately going to sleep.  Sweet Dreams, see you tomorrow - hopefully I will be able to start being more consistent with my blog again, now that I'm hopefully through with this latest growth opportunity!  It's always something, I just have to go with the flow!