Finally I'm Back

She's baaaackkkk!!!!  I feel just like a poltergeist as Carol Anne looks in the TV and sees me!

I've finally come to a conclusion about why I see the port as rather scary and brain surgery, possible surgery at sometime in the future on the breast, etc... as not scary; I see the port as a continuation of cancer or a continuation of the disease rather than (as the others) a cure for some part of the disease.  It's rather interesting but it just sort of came to me as soon as I let it go. 

I don't feel as strong on my feet as I did before surgery, which is apparently normal, but my home healthcare nurse was quite taken aback by how well I was doing.  Once again, this is my new normal, as they say.  I'm not a believer in things not being able to return to how they once were; but by the same token, I have to accept that there are lessons here and it's not only important that I learn them, but that I also take them to heart and make the lesson part of my new world!  It isn't really good for me or important that I do a million things all at once, but rather important that I fully concentrate on the one thing that I'm doing at the moment.  I not only have to stay focused, but I have to stay in the moment, rather than try to constantly stay ahead of the moment by staying busy with a million things rather than concentrating on a particular aspect which is really what's important! 

I think finally I'm connecting more to people than objects or material things which is not just a good thing, it's a very positive thing.  Although I must admidt - painting my rocks isn't going to be as easy as I expected.  It seems as though I'm going to have to prime these various areas, not just swish a little paint on them like I had first thought.  It is much more translucent than I had anticipated.  That's OK however, because it's teaching me not only patience, but also to do things the right way rather than the easiest way!  There are probably times when I do need things done by a certain time or whatever, but that may just mean I should have started sooner rather than work faster.  This seemed to be an ongoing problem in highschool - things always took longer than I anticipated them taking; plus I left them off until the last minute on top of it!  I got better at this (finally) in college only after I decided to finish in an accelerated program - there would be no surviving had I not buckled down and set up not only a plan but a time schedule.  This forced me to do things when they needed to be done, not when it was convenient to do them.  Well, actually the last minute isn't necessarily convenient to do them, but it's all I ever allowed prior to my excelerated program!  I will post some pictures of them as I finish each one.  That may also be part of the reason small rocks only have one or two words written on them - you wouldn't know what they said otherwise.  I have to think that one over - I originally thought about writing a poem or phrase - something longer than one or two words - but people won't necessarily be able to read it - or perhaps they just won't be interested in reading it!  You'll see what I decide to do about that as well! 

I think I may just have to leave you guys, I'm starting to get sleepy, which is understandable, I guess.  I can't keep overriding the safety switch just to get more done!  It's more important that I do what I'm doing well, rather than doing a lot of things quickly, yet poorly!  It's just one more thing to think, about another gift, if you will!  One last thing before I go - perhaps one of you knows - where should I look for fenugreek so I can make some tea from it!  Whole Foods doesn't carry it, I asked!  I thought we had some at home but I wouldn't begin to know where to start looking for it.  It's apparently some sort of herb or spice and although I'm rather surprised Whole Foods doesn't stock it, I'm not sure if I should be looking in the spice isle or bulk area or what; any light you could shed on the subject would be greatly appreciated.  Well, on that note I'm definately going to sleep.  Sweet Dreams, see you tomorrow - hopefully I will be able to start being more consistent with my blog again, now that I'm hopefully through with this latest growth opportunity!  It's always something, I just have to go with the flow!

What will today bring?

Well, I'll be interested to see what today is like.  It isn't snowing where I am, at least not at the moment.  Yesterday it was snowing really hard for a while, but the odd thing is, it doesn't seem to accumulate???  I'm not sure what happens to it.  Another weird snow fact I don't get?  It's not terrible relevant in West Palm Beach!  It's OK though, because it's easier for me to walk around if we don't have deep snow, so I'm not complaining :-)

First of all, I want to apologize to those of you who have left comments, many of which I haven't even found to read, much less respond to!  For someone who is actually pretty good with computers, this whole social networking thing just sends me over the top.  I have some sort of mental block when it comes to my blog & facebook - but I'm working on it and fully intend to get my head around it.  Perhaps I should just go find a six year old to come explain it to me - I'm sure they would have no problems!  That's actually most likely the problem I'm trying to make it more complicated than it is!  I just want to be sure you all understand it's nothing personal and I don't mean to be ignoring you - in fact, in most cases I don't even realize there's any thing to ignore!  Worst part is, I was like this before the cancer/chemo brain so I can't even blame it on that!  Well, I could but that would be rather dishonest! :-)  If any of you have any tips about blogs or facebook - sort of "blogs & facebook for dummies" sort of stuff, I would certainly appreciate hearing them.

I keep waking up in what I consider the middle of the night, but I decided I'll just get up and take a nap later - I'll get more accomplished this way (or that's what I'm thinking will happen, I'll let you know.)  I took some pictures of my henna tattoo now that the paste is gone and just the henna stain remains, so let me know what you think (and hopefully I can locate the comment :-) - that sounds so ridiculous!)  I think it looks really cool - but I'll have better pictures this weekend, it's hard taking them myself with my phone!

I can see having a lot of fun with henna tattoos & temporary tattoos (which look like regular tattoos, colors and all but wear off in a week or so.)  Who needs hair if you can have this much fun without it?  Especially at home, up here (Ohio) it's too cold to go outside without a hat and such, at least in the winter, but this would be perfect for normal Florida weather (this year things seem to be a bit odd, colder than usual) but normally, hey this is perfect!  I may start a new trend - and we could have tattoo parties and a bunch of us get together and paint each others heads!  What could be more fun?  We certainly wouldn't need all the training that would be necessary to give each other haircuts (at least haircuts we could be seen in public with!) 

Well, I think I'll sign off now and hopefully I'll be back later (after a late AM early PM nap!)  Thanks again for listening talk to you again soon!